2013

December 31, 2013

Life's not fair, is it...  My cousin, Barbara, commented on my blog about Sadie yesterday sharing that it was the day of her husband's funeral. She clings to the hymn, "Because He Lives."  I know the song well and when I played it on UTube, it gave me such comfort today. Thank you, Barb! I decided to put it on the top of my blog so that you could listen to it while you read my final blog of the year.

"Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal." 

~From an Irish headstone

No words I can write will ease the pain and feeling of hopelessness that has overtaken my days. I want Sadie to live. What I want is "self" centered but there comes a time when one must think beyond "self." Hopelessness is a good adjective to explain what I am going through. It's a feeling I've had when my parents passed, my in laws passed on, and relationships didn't work out ~ when circumstances were beyond my control.

Today is the last day of 2013. It's been a tough year with some good stuff sprinkled in. Believe me, I am looking forward to 2014 and will eat my black eyed peas at midnight!!

January began with the loss of Mom Seidler. It's been a year of grieving and missing her. She was such a wonderful part of our lives and my memories are all sweet when I think of her.

The wonderful warm weather in February birthed new gardens in the back yard. It was a wonderful way of working through grief and getting fit at the same time.

March offered:

Trips to Bonnie's Nursery with Beverly

Easter with the Anderson Family

In April we opened our home and hearts to Kennedy, a precious Chi-Pom rescued by Recycled Poms.

Kennedy
Adopted April 28, 2013

May

A bonding of the pack

May 13, 2013
Zeke adopted

Trip to Calvert, TX

June

Storms rolled in

Trip to Cameron Park in Waco, TX

Zeke became our miracle baby
weathering serious illness

June 14, 2013
Ruffles adopted

June 14, 2012
Harmony Jane adopted

Zeke attends his first art showing

July

4th of July Celebration
Hillsboro, TX

Antiquing Trips

Harmony fought so hard to overcome
allergies and asthma

August

Blog book for 2012 was published.  Yay!

Zeke & Michael enjoying a rest inside a
wonderful log house!

September

Grandparents Day at Zachary's school

Grandparent's Day at Nicholas's school

Love to watch my grandsons play baseball!

October ~ the wonderful colors of Fall

November

Let's play ball!

That first place trophy looks mighty good!

So much to be thankful for!

December

Ice storms hit hard!

Christmas Eve at the Rock Church outside Cranfills Gap

Christmas Day lunch at the Crains.

A day at the Kimbell Art Museum with
Rica and Beverly

New beginnings and goals for the New Year

Favorite Memories: Visit by my grandsons in August.  OMG, my heart was full!!!

Nicholas loves Harmony!

Fun at Hobby Lobby.  Zachary said shopping was
great ~ Nicholas said it gave him a headache! LOL

Brotherly love!

Graffiti in the storm shelter

Cameron Park Zoo

Those alligators look harmless?

What else can I say?  I've had quite a year.  Tomorrow I will have a clean slate on which to chart my course in life.  Several days ago, one of my high school classmates passed away from a heart attack while shoveling snow. (RIP Dan Kvitek)  He was looking forward to our class reunion coming up in September 2014.  It reminded me that no matter how we look forward to events, we have no guarantees.  TODAY is important and I am going to pack all I can into my minutes!!

Always remember you are loved and prayed for ... YA YOU ... every one of you!!

Miss Dottie

PS  "Though no one can go back and make a brand-new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand-new ending." ~Carl Bard

My Sweet Sadie

December 30, 2013

There are times that life takes a wicked turn and, as an adult, I have to step up to the plate whether I want to or not.  The past few days have really sapped my energy and brought forth tears I didn't even know I had in me.  I have appreciated the kind words and prayers sent my way and must lean on the Lord to carry me though the next couple weeks and beyond.

My beloved Scottie, Sadie, is facing the end of her life and I am fighting it tooth and nail.  It doesn't help to say that she's lived a good life and life goes on.  I've been praying for a miracle in her life and even now, I find myself bargaining with God.

Sadie was an anniversary gift to Michael and I in August 2003.  She was an even-tempered puppy, easy to house train, and got along well with our Pomeranian, Khelsea.  She loved our grandsons, was friendly to everyone she met and the groomers called her "Miss Sweetness."  She loved walks and trips to Lowe's and Home Depot. When given a treat, we would say, "Gentle," and she would gingerly accept her tasty morsel.  We doted on her and she was a faithful companion.

Several years ago, Sadie's health began to deteriorate.  First she developed severe allergies to grass and flea bites resulting in some difficult summers.  She loved Winter and thrived in the cold.  We would laugh as she romped through the snow and tried to taste the flakes falling. We tried keeping her inside as much as possible ~ tough, as she LOVED to be outside doing what Scotties do best ... hunting!

When we moved to North Central Texas (about a year and a half ago), Sadie loved having a big yard to run in.  There were squirrels and rabbits to hunt and she and Toby would spend hours playing.  She developed thyroid problems and liver counts (?) ... well, let's just say they weren't good.  When her itching/scratching nearly drove her nuts, we would head for the vet and he would give her shots and medications to help with her symptoms. We also gave her a flea pill. One day, she and Toby were playing with a toy and Sadie attacked him.  I reached down to separate them and Sadie grabbed my hand.  If you know anything about Scotties, they have an iron clad jaw.  My neighbor took me to the ER and Michael took care of the dogs before heading to the hospital.

We began to be more careful, buying dental bones rather than toys, and carefully monitoring her illnesses.  Each time she had severe flare-ups and had to have Prednisone, she would react poorly. Without the meds, she struggled. It was a vicious circle.  We reached a point last Spring where she was very stable and had the temperament she was famous for.  We monitored her heart, gave her flea meds, heartworm meds, thyroid meds, and liver support. She and Toby were fast friends again and we breathed a sigh of relief.

It was at that point when we decided to adopt our rescues Kennedy, Zeke, Harmony, and Ruffles. Sadie loved them all watching them play and protecting them. Life was manageable and good. Late Summer, Sadie began to feel quite poorly ... blood tests showed her liver getting worse and her allergies were attacking with a vengeance. We got new meds and a special shampoo ~ nothing helped ~ she cried as she would rub her back on any chair that would offer relief. Her sores opened and she became cranky ~ she pulled out her fur by the mouthful. Sadie wasn't herself ~ she was miserable.

A week or so ago, out of the blue, Sadie attacked Kennedy and Harmony.  I was right there to break up the altercation but it scared me to death. I took Sadie in to the vet and we spent a good deal of time discussing a plan of action. Sadie would be fed separately and would sleep apart from the other dogs. She would not be left alone with them even outside. Michael and I discussed Sadie's medical conditions and her changing moods. We agreed to team up to protect each of our furry kids yet minister to Sadie as well.

Last Friday, I joined a couple gal pals for a trip to the Kimbell Museum in Fort Worth. On the way home, I got a phone call from Michael asking how soon I would be home. His voice sounded strange but I attributed that to trying to hear him in a moving vehicle. When I walked in the door, he was sitting in the living room with a washcloth on his right hand ~ he was pale as a ghost. Sadie had turned on Harmony first, tossing her across the room. She then grabbed Kennedy.  As Toby tried to protect Kennedy, she turned on him. Michael was trying to separate Toby and Sadie when Sadie bit his hand. When he screamed, she let go. We knew, we just knew, that we needed some serious intervention.

The next day, we spent two hours at the vet's office. We took Harmony in for a complete check-up (and to see about her fur loss). Thank God she is a tough old broad and is doing fine. (We get the results of her thyroid test today) We spent most of the time consulting about Sadie: her health issues, medications, aggression, and changing moods. Dr. Young was quite frank with us, giving us every "fact" then addressing the emotional side of being an owner of a dog that was becoming more and more aggressive. He was caring when he needed to be caring and quite solemn in reminding of our responsibility of having an aggressive dog. Bottom line was that as her medical conditions were getting worse, her behavior was becoming erratically dangerous.

Tearfully, we decided that it would be best to end Sadie's misery. We had loved her unconditionally hoping for a miracle as she moved into her senior years. We celebrated when she had good days and comforted her when she was miserable. Because Sadie had bit Michael pretty severely, Texas law mandates that a dog be held for 10 days before euthanasia. Dr. Young has given Sadie some medication to sedate her and keep her quiet. Dr. Young and Dr. Arnold are on call if we need them. I wish there was something he could give me because every time I look at her and hold her, I burst into tears.

I guess I could have kept this all quiet but maybe there's another person out there who has gone through this or will. I second guess myself thinking, "She's so quiet now, maybe the aggression is gone." Then, I look at Michael's hand and feel the punctures on Kennedy, Harmony, and Toby and know that this has to be done. In a week, Sadie will cross Rainbow Bridge and we will celebrate the dog we've loved and cherished for over 10 years. Every day with her is tough because I know what's coming.  As I type, tears fall on to my computer and sobs wrack my body. Oh, God, I have prayed, take this from me.

Normally, I would end my blog by saying that I am loving and praying for you, Readers. This time, I am asking that you  love me and pray for me in this time of sadness and grief.

Miss Dottie

PS  "Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim." ~Vicki Harrison

I heard the bells on Christmas Eve

Hey Mom, how would this work
 for a Christmas bath?? ~Zeke

December 29, 2013

Dear Readers,

Christmas blew in and flew out so quickly this year.  Maybe because Thanksgiving came so late in November ~ I just didn't feel the merriment like in year's past.  Several weeks ago now, I had a wonderful conversation with a friend about being a Christian and Christmas.  She had me doing some research and along with the research came some deep soul searching and deciding how I would spend my time and resources this Christmas.

First of all, I decided to stay within my means and not charge one single Christmas gift this year.  I am a giver and it was tough when I would see things that my family would enjoy. I felt really (almost) guilty when what I could purchase seemed so meager.

Secondly, it was important to me to make a trip to the old Norwegian Lutheran Church (located close to Cranfills Gap, TX) for Christmas Eve services.  I was not disappointed.  Because it was a distance from our home, we left early and enjoyed a beautiful drive looking at the hills chisled out of rock and all the ranches and marveled at the history of this area.  I could just imagine what the Norwegian settlers felt and saw as they traveled through the countryside ... such beauty!

We arrived at the church in time for the first service to be dismissed.  As soon as we got out of the car, we could hear the organ belting out the hymns of old.  It was fun to people watch ... Texas gentlemen tipped their hats greeting others with "A Merry Christmas!"  I've not seen so much western wear in quite some time!  I was right at home in my boots, sweater, and long skirt.  There were others that were more Norse (fun to hear the accents!).  We walked around the grounds waiting for the church bell to call us to service.  What an inviting sound!!

Notice the stairs behind the organ
that lead to the bell tower!

The kerosene lamps were filled and candles lit at the altar and on window sills. It had grown quite chilly outside but once the church filled up we were toasty warm.  The wood burning stove and candles (no electricity in the church) brought us back to 1886. We sang, prayed, and joined holy hearts worshiping a king born in a manger.  My heart was so filled with peace, love, and joy that I could hardly contain myself.  We knelt at the altar, breaking bread dipped in wine before departing into the cold night air.

We left the warmth of the church and walked outside to darkness  made light by the candlelit lanterns that lined the driveway.  I walked to the car and looked back at the church. The beauty of those small lamps gave off such a twinkle ~ an invitation to return and go inside. We drove off down a little graveled road back to electricity and modern conveniences. I could not help but wish we could have stayed for the last service as well.

I heard the bells this Christmas and oh what a song they sang.  They stirred my soul with voices like angels singing, "Peace on earth, goodwill to men." The church gave us a Christmas gift ... a beautiful handpainted ornament. Every ounce of  loneliness and saddness inside of me gave way to a feeling of contentment and wholeness.  Ah yes, it was a Christmas Eve that I will remember for many years to come.

When we got home, I made us a light Christmas Eve supper and we watched "It's A Wonderful Life." I love to watch this classic each year with my family. A perfect ending to a perfect day.

Beverly, Rica, Don, Miss Dottie

I guess we all go through different seasons in our lives and it is best to embrace each celebrating it's uniqueness.  For many Christmas is a time of loneliness; for others it's a time of family get-togethers and gaity. I've experienced both and, I must say, I would prefer the merriment of family to sitting by the fire alone. Maybe this Christmas was calling me to get back to my roots of a time when the focus was simply the beauty of worship and the importance of spending time with special people. To top Christmas off, my friends Beverly and Don invited us to a wonderful Christmas Day lunch.  Great food, wonderful conversation, and friends!!

As the New Year approaches, I am thinking forward. It is no surprise to the Lord that I am where I am; and, I know I have work to do here. I knew that when we discussed the move and, sadly with all the hoopla of getting settled, I got off course. This morning, I took out my new journal and began to write down my course of action starting with today!! Why wait til January 2014??!!

Always remember, my dear dear readers, that you are loved and prayed for ... YA YOU!!

Miss Dottie

PS "With the new day comes new strength and new thoughts." ~Eleanor Roosevelt

Thoughts on an Overcast Wintry Day

Truly, truly, I say to you, whoever hears my word and believes him who sent me has eternal life. He does not come into judgment, but has passed from death to life. ~ John 5:24

December 9, 2013

Dear Readers,

I received an email today from a reader that nearly broke my heart. One of her friends sent her a letter about her belief in the Lord that put her in a tailspin.  I firmly believe that hurt people hurt people and, in this case, I believe that to be true which makes me even sadder.

Her letter brought back a time when I had an accountability partner who was very controlling and who informed me that if I didn't follow her suggestions she would divorce me as my accountability partner. I was not sinning in any way ... just not making a choice she thought was appropriate. I remember our last meeting like it was yesterday and it still grieves me to this day.

There are religions that still practice their Christianity under the law. I want to scream, "Please read the New Testament!"  I may step on some toes here but Jesus fought against legalism, judgement, and fundamentalists.  He brought in a new regime so to speak ... one of grace, love and serving.

Based on what is written in the Bible, this is my take on salvation. Once we accept Christ in our hearts, we receive the gift of salvation (eternal life).  I know that Jesus doesn't take back his gifts so from then on I know that I belong to him and he belongs to me.  Now, this is where it gets sticky. If one merely says the words and promptly goes their own way are they still saved?  I doubt it BUT God is the only one who knows the heart and it will be to Him that we will answer to at the time of our earthly death. No one will be standing before me, you can bank on that!

To be a Christian is so simple yet complicated as well.  It's so easy for us to judge others before really digging deeply into our own thoughts and actions.  In my previous two blogs, I wrote about contentment.  Jesus is the perfect image of contentment.  He holds out his hand for us to grab on to.  He could make us love him but he doesn't.  He's given us free will.  It is his desire for all to be saved and, believe me, he taps us on the shoulder.  He's just there when we give up the self and enter his realm of peace.

"Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven;" ~Luke 6:37

In the letter to my reader, she was criticized for celebrating Christmas and other holidays because they were rooted in paganism.  Yes, so much of our holidays have been commercialized BUT how can it be wrong to celebrate the birth of the man who came not to condemn the world but to save it??  I, for one, happen to love everything Christmas ... sights, sounds, smells, the whole shebang.  Will I go to hell for putting up a Christmas tree or for enjoying the ho ho ho's of Santa Claus?  I doubt it.

Best of all, Christmas means a spirit of love, a time when the love of God and love of our fellow men should prevail over all hatred and bitterness, a time when our thoughts and deeds and the spirit of our lives manifest the presence of God. ~George F. McDougall

We draw more people to us with love and compassion than we ever to with shouts of hell and brimstone.  I was brought up in the Lutheran faith and loved everything about it.  It was the faith of my forefathers.  I was baptized as a baby, confirmed, and married in the church.  I still draw upon my Lutheran roots as I remember fondly my lovely grandmother who lived her faith.  As an adult, I began to attend Baptist-based churches and non-denominational churches who believed in adult baptism.  It was in those churches that I grew the most and found serenity. I was baptized in the pool in my own backyard surrounded by nearly 100 friends. Something happened to my spirit and soul that day that I will never ever forget. It was at that moment that real change began in my own heart.  Am I closer to the Lord than my Lutheran family?  Good gosh, NO!!

Readers, please, if you get nothing else from my blogs, please know that if you truly accepted Christ as your Savior in your heart, that gift cannot be revoked.  This Christmas show your love and compassion for your fellowman withholding judgement and holding out your hand. There is no greater sadness than holding on to loving words and deeds not delivered to those about you. Make time for those who truly matter. The best gift you can give them is the purity of your full attention. Just be present with them and pay attention to the little things, because when you really miss someone, you miss the little things the most, like just laughing together.

Always remember you are loved and prayed for ... wherever you are on your journey of life ... YA YOU!!

Miss Dottie

AFTERTHOUGHTS:

The journey begins when we are born.  Make your journey worthwhile every single day, because the distance we each get to travel is a mystery beknownst only to God.  Looking for gift suggestions? Try the following!

GIVE THE FOLLOWING GIFTS:

To your enemy . . .forgiveness,

To your opponent . . .tolerance.

To a friend . . . your heart.

To a customer . . . service.

To all men . . .charity.

To every child . . . a good example

To yourself . . .respect

-Author Unknown 

Contentment ~ "God's gifts put man's best dreams to shame."

December 8, 2013

Dear Readers,

It's a gray, overcast wintry day in North Central Texas. I was hoping that the winter storm would begin to dissipate but it's still icy and quite chilly. I decided to enjoy a warm soak in the claw foot tub in the cottage, enjoy a fire in the fireplace, and hopefully will get out of the house this afternoon. Yay!

As I have continued to pray about contentment, it came to mind that many people see contentedness and happiness as one and the same. In many ways I guess they are but I've learned to be content even in times of unhappiness. Does that mean, I lay down and give in to my circumstance? Heck no, it doesn't. Unhappiness is just not going to steal the time I have left on this earth.

There are many ways to become happy ~ by doing "things" (in my case, decorating my Woman Cave aka the cottage, gardening, reading, antiquing, walking, writing, cooking, praying, spending time with family and friends...).  I find that when I am busy doing something that I am passionate about, I am not only happy but content as well.

When I moved away from the city, I had decided to simplify my life. Boy howdy did I ever!! For me, contentedness is at the core of simplification. It's been about me wanting less, having a simpler life rather than always wanting more, always acquiring more, and never being content. Believe me, it was tough giving things away, having garage sales, and continually paring down. Once I got rid of all the stuff that I had been acquiring, life became more manageable.

Now, I will not claim to never want things that catch my eye in an antique store or on my shopping excursions with my friend, Beverly, who is a shopaholic. But, while I am not immune to wants, I have learned to catch myself and to think about where it is going to go, where I am going to wear it, and my reasoning for my purchase. I am not content when surrounded by clutter.

There have been times that I have bought more than I could afford. I have to be very careful because I am a giver and love to find gifts for those I love that they would like. A couple weeks ago, my husband resigned his position as manager of the college bookstore. With Christmas just around the corner, we had to sit down and decide how much we could spend on each person. I am finding that I am struggling with my contentedness because I "want" to give more than I have. To be content in a time of financial downturn has been a challenge. A BIG one!

So often, it seems we are never happy with the significant people in our lives. They don't act the way we want them to ~ we pout, shout, pray and do whatever we can to make sure they conform to our expectations. Been there, done that too. I also found that I was never happy with myself and kept trying to be someone I wasn't. Man, it just didn't work. It just led to poor self esteem and a huge inferiority complex.

I know, I know, there are some folks who would say that my way of defining happiness and contentedness and a positive outlook on life are teaching people to accept abuse from others, social injustice, and not strive for change.  Absolutely not!  I've worked with battered women suffering from physical, emotional, and spiritual abuse and I've told them to stand up for themselves and get away from their tormentors. I've campaigned (not as a Republican or Democrat but as an Independent) for change in a society that has been warped. I am not afraid to speak my mind even if it is not the popular thing to do. Social change can still happen if you are content with yourself, with your life, but not content with oppression around you.

What I do when I'm not feeling my contented self:

(1) As I mentioned in my previous blog, I keep a gratitude journal. This morning, I was grateful for hot water, my beautiful claw foot tub, the bath oil that my daughter gave me that made the water steam with fragrance ... I was grateful for the fireplace which warmed the entire cottage ... I was grateful for the Sensational Six who lined the floor of the bathroom waiting for me to climb out of the tub ... I was grateful that I had beautiful, fluffy towels to dry off ... I was grateful for (the list went on and on)... My pages will be filled with good thoughts today.

(2) STOP and remind myself to be grateful for the good in the people around me. I remember how Christ died for me, a sinner, warts, bumps, and all. I know that God loves me just where I am. I always keep the porch light burning for strained relationships! 

(3) STOP and consider why I want something. Is it a need or a want?

(4) I take time to smell the roses and appreciate my life. I absolutely love my morning gratitude and prayer sessions.

(5) DO ~ show people I appreciate them. Give hugs, smile, spend time with them, thank them out loud, thank them publicly.

(6) SMILE ~ Look in the mirror and smile. Look at others and smile.

(7) LIVE SIMPLY ~ Learn to enjoy the simple things. Conversations and spending time with loved ones doesn't cost a thing. Watch a movie or play games. Walk on the beach. Ride a bike.

(8) LOVE THE LORD MY GOD remembering that he is my example, my buddy in life.

MOST IMPORTANTLY, REMEMBER:

"God's gifts put man's best dreams to shame." 

~Elizabeth Barrett Browning

Miss Dottie

PS I am so grateful for my readers. Another year has nearly come to a close and, more than anything, I have been blessed with emails, FB messages, and phone calls from those who want to walk the road of life with me. As I shut my computer down, I will leave you with this bit of wisdom given by Epicurus: "Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for." Sleep tight friends!!