Dialogue with Jane

June 1, 2013

Dear Readers,

I have been a strong advocate of journaling for quite a few years.  The problem with private journaling is that most of the time, our journals fall into the hands of family members after we pass on.  Haven't you heard, "Oh, if I'd only known..."?  We've gone on to heaven, leaving our families with notes from a person they didn't know and no longer was around to talk to.  Why is it that we keep the very things private are often times just what others need to know to appreciate our humanness.  Our lives are filled with peaks and valleys as well as our instincts of survival.

For more years than I care to remember, I led a shame-based life.  If I would allow them to return, the words of darkness would swallow me up forcing me to retreat from my blogs and my openness.  I fight the battle every single day, just like an alcoholic or drug addict would.  There is a little girl inside me that I comfort, treat gently, and encourage.  In turn, she smiles and thanks me.  I won't let her down.

I began my blogs in October 2010 so we've covered a lot of ground together.  Maybe you've traveled the same road that I have, maybe not.  At any rate, you've gotten to know me and what I stand for.  As a mother, I kept so much from my children.  Protecting them, I told myself.  What I didn't realize was that they needed to know my struggles so that they could know my strength in the Lord.  What began as blogging for my own mission of helping others turned into much much more ... a dialogue with my daughter, Jane.

It's been surprising that reader's haven't commented on my blogs at the end; however, I have received many emails and private notes on Facebook.  The one who has regularly commented on each blog has been Jane.  My blog has opened the doors of our communication to a level so deep that there is nothing that we wouldn't feel comfortable sharing.  I will always be Jane's mom but I am no longer her parent.  I hope that makes sense.  If you're parenting an adult or they are parenting you, something is amiss!!

There is a freedom that comes from dialogue.  There is a sense of respect allowing each person to view opinions and feel heard and accepted.  As a relationship coach, I had the deepest admiration for those who could set aside their own "stuff" long enough to really care about another person.  So many times, I wish my mom was alive so that I could ask her more about her and her mom.  Everything seemed so ... surface. When my children (or now grandchildren) are ready to talk, I'm there to listen, not be their judge and jury.  They ask my opinion ~~ sometimes they take it, sometimes not.  Either way, it's okay.

How long has it been since you had a deep heart to heart talk with someone (other than a pastor or therapist who is bound to secrecy).  Scarry isn't it?  What if you would be rejected or hated?  Well, that's the risk.  There's also that dialogue that can be developed one conversation at a time towards transparency and wholeness.

My husband just came in and told me that he fixed the fountain that was knocked over by the tree limb.  Yay!  Thank you!!  The fountain has always been such an important part of the garden by the house.  To have a big iced coke and listen to the fountain while reading or writing??  Heaven on earth!!

I hope that you think about my blog today and how you can open the doors of communication with your own family and friends.  If you want to know about the present and future, study the past.  Those elephants in the room can get pretty darn stinky!!  Glad to have chased that creature back to the zoo where he belongs!!

Always remember you are loved and prayed for ~~ each and every day!!

Miss Dottie

PS  Thank you, Jane.  As I look back over my blogs, I've come to know you and to love you more than I ever thought possible.  I saw this quote on Facebook today, and it stuck.  No one else will ever know the strength of my love for you.  After all, you're the only one (besides your sister and brother) who knows what my heart sounds like from the inside.