A Broken Spirit

"It is a broken spirit you want ~ remorse and penitence.

A broken and a contrite heart O God, you will not ignore."

~ Psalm 51:17

June 10, 2015
Wednesday

Dear Readers,

It's early morning in North Central Texas. I've noticed that the white flowers in my gardens pop out as dawn breaks. I reminded myself that it was time to weed and prune before the heat of the day. Then, I remembered it is WOW day at church. Weeding and pruning will need to wait until evening.

My pups were up extra early today. I think they start really going into sleep mode about 8pm so it's not surprising that by 6 bells they are ready for a run in the gardens and breakfast. I was tired this morning and "tried" to put them off as long as possible. I stumbled into the kitchen, pulled out their bowls, and poured kibble ~ Zoe has decided she doesn't want to eat with her brothers and sisters and wants me to hold her bowl while she eats. Spoiled little rascal!

Wouldn't you know, we were out of coffee this morning. My eyes were half open, my shoulder screaming, and, I was feeling sort of crabby. Funny how we get used to a ritual ~ mine is that wonderful cup of hot vanilla flavored coffee (with sugar, of course!) first thing in the morning. Seems to get my mind out of the sleep state and focused on my Daily Walk reading.

You know, God is a righteous judge; and we, who call ourselves his people, must view wickedness from his perspective. I learned a long time ago that my own sin was something to be confessed and turned from. I also learned that if I spent some time each day focusing on prayer and God's Word, it helped me tremendously. I'll never be able to be perfect because I am human not God and sin is a daily struggle.

"Let the wicked forsake his way and the unrighteous man his thoughts; And let him return to the Lord, and He will have compassion on him, and to our God, for He will abundantly pardon. 'For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways,' declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways..."

 ~Isaiah 55:7-9 (NIV)

I've mentioned before that as a child and into my adult years, I lived in a world of secrets and shame. It was better to escape as a child through my fantasy world and, as an adult, through putting on a facade. Ever try to paste a smile on your face after your heart has been trampled on? Ever been in a position that if you "told" your hurt would become blatantly real? I led two lives, my real life and the life I shared with the outside world.

In the 1970's my family moved from Texas to Minnesota. I joined a neighborhood Bible Study and was the mouse in the corner. I couldn't believe how these women shared not only their love of the Lord but their lives. I listened ... my life wasn't like theirs and it was that ah ha moment that I began my journey to wellness. It's been many years of taking baby steps with my knees knocking to get me where I am today.

More than 20 years passed before I was ready to open the flood gates speaking before two services of a packed church. I was so afraid and my voice cracked. The church was quiet. I finished and walked to my seat. Afterwards, I cannot count the number of people who hugged me, thanked me, and said they identified with my story. When I got home, I fell on my knees, thanking the Lord for giving me the words to say and the courage to even get out of my seat to walk to the podium.

Because I had been so focused on how bad I was and that all the bad was my fault. It felt so good to confess and lay it before God (and, another person). I was broken and wanted so desperately to be a whole person before God. To be able to puke it all out into a trash can and haul it to the curb gave me a fresh beginning. The therapists I saw said that I was a great candidate for wellness ~ because everything was my fault, I could fix it. People who blame others for their circumstances have a tough time 'cause they didn't do anything...

"Oh loving and kind God, have mercy. Have pity upon me and take away the awful stain of my transgressions. Oh, wash me, cleanse me from this guilt. Let me be pure again.

For I admit my shameful deed ~ it haunts me day and night."

~Psalm 51:1-2

I did my part ... He did his part ... We do life together these days!

Miss Dottie

Dear God in Heaven, hallowed be thy name! I want to pray for my Readers today that are hurting inside. Cleanse them, forgive them, and remove the shackles of shame from their ankles and wrists. Speak to their hearts and give them joy and courage. I also want to pray for the many of those on my prayer list that are dealing with illness, surgeries, death of loved ones, and wayward children/adults. Many are traveling this summer, protect them, keep them safe, and fill their hearts with many memory-making activities. Be close to those with broken spirits who see the path of destruction left behind them, renew them with a desire to turn from their road of sin and built them up to share their stories with others. In Jesus precious name I pray.

PS Last Sunday the preacher started his sermon with "I want you to stop praying." (Dead silence) It certainly got my attention because I am a prayer warrior. Those words were followed with something like this, "If you see a need, don't just say you'll pray for a person or situation, DO SOMETHING." It made me even more aware of my brothers and sisters around me who have a need. Love is a verb. Think about that today as you are out and about!!

Always remember how very much you are loved and prayed for ... ya you!!