I am who I am?

May 14, 2014

Dear God,

Holy Cow! When it rains in Florida, it pours!! Luckily, I wandered out to the pool mid morning to get my Vitamin D. I started reading THE BOOK THIEF and found it difficult to put down. I've been trying to limit my time outdoors to one hour (yes, I slather myself up with sunscreen) but today, time got away from me and I found myself still outside after a couple hours. Luckily, I don't burn!

Father, I just love books that really draw me in and place me in the midst of the characters. In THE BOOK THIEF, Liesel surprises me with her maturity, compassion, and hope for her tomorrows. I cannot imagine not being able to go to school to learn to read and write ... I cannot imagine having to go to bed hungry and have watered down pea soup day after day. I cannot image not being able to express my opinions out loud for fear of being taken by the police. WWII was certainly felt 'round the world and books such as this one help me to experience the depravity on both sides of the "pond." I definitely want to see the movie hoping it is as good as the book.

May 15, 2014

My blogging yesterday was interrupted. That stupid old Fibro raised it's ugly head putting me out of commission. Father, as my Readers with chronic illnesses know, when that dark cloud of pain drops, life can be suspended into a limbo state. It frustrates me to no end and I find I need to flood my mind, body, and soul with good. Seems to lessen my down time. Today, I am better and, at least, able to function.

For sure, my time away in Florida has been fertile with opportunities to catch up on my reading. Jane gave me a couple books for Mother's Day and the one I am reading now is INHERITANCE (how our genes change our lives and our lives change our genes) written by Sharon Moalem, MD, PhD. I have always believed that when someone gives me information or encourages me to read something specific, it is no coincidence. I need that information to make better choices or alter my habits. Father, I'm sure you've heard this more than once like I have: "I am who I am and don't want to change." "My illnesses define me." "I just can't..." "It's in my genes." That may be true to some extent yet I am of the opinion that if I am being destructive or hurtful to myself or others, it is important to learn another way. I am giggling ~ the words that are popping into my mind are, "Eat more spinach!!" I can do that!!

All that being said, I have been driven to know more about my ancestry going back generations. The women in my family of origin have been quite strong not only surviving but thriving. The other thing that I've noticed is that because I left home so young (17) and have spent most of my life far away from family, I have taken bits and pieces that family of origin and then marched to the tune of my own drum passing on new ways to my own children and grandchildren. I haven't been afraid to walk through the murky waters. The dysfunction I uncovered (believe me, ALL families are dysfunctional to some extent) became stepping stones to truth, light, and strength. It's been quite a journey filled with ups and downs, twists and turns. For so long, my life was shame based and I saw myself as not good enough when, in truth, I was born worthy of love and Your daughter. Doesn't get much better than that. I guess you could say, I lived my own Cinderella story. I laugh 'cause there sure have been a bunch of ugly toads I've kissed with my heart! LOL

I am missing my furry kids TERRIBLY. I still wake up in the middle of the night, my hands groping for Kennedy and Zeke and looking to the bottom of the bed for Harmony and Ruffy. For the past year, they have been such an integral part of my life and, for the most part, my life has revolved around them giving them the lives they've missed. On the flip side, they've blessed me beyond reason with their progression towards some sort of normalcy.

God in Heaven, I pray for those you've brought before me ... for those who have sent me emails and messages regarding themselves and family members. I see your hand in their lives as they take each day knowing you are in control. I ask that you heap extra blessings on the little boy who is stepping out in faith knowing he could be knocked down. Give him words to say and hearts receptive to his message. For my granddaughter and her friends who are attending the Junior Prom in Wesley Chapel, I pray for safety, smart choices, and barrels of fun, memory-making moments. Holy Spirit come into my life filling me with wisdom and the fruit of the spirit. Jesus, Jesus, Jesus ... oh that all would know you for it's in your name I pray.

Miss Dottie

NOTE TO READERS: