Less than 1%

Friday
September 4, 2015

Come in to my world ~ if you dare..

Miss Dottie is feeling really dooby doo doo down today. Ever look forward to something and then afterwards feel like you want to walk into a dark cave and boo hoo?

Ever hear "love you" and get that knot in your throat that doesn't want to go away?

Can you ever really look honestly at people, not make excuses, and say, "That just sucks"?

Today was one of "those" days. No matter how many pep talks I gave myself, I just wasn't feelin' it. I listed all the things I had to be grateful for and crumpled up the paper and threw it in the waste basket. I yearned to walk along a lake or sea shore feeling the watery spray on my face and the sound of the gulls and loons filling my ears with music of nature. As it is, I took a walk among my flowers and listened to some crows cawing. Somehow, it didn't help.

I threw a real temper tantrum and poor Kennedy got an earful. What'd he do? He just jumped up in my lap and licked my ears. Thank God for my therapist, Kennedy ~ he didn't tell me I shouldn't feel miserable and sad, he just wagged his tail, and gave me a dog smooch. He hasn't left my side the entire day.

Michael reminds me regularly that I am in that less than 1% personality group (INFJs) and that most other people don't think like me, respond like me, behave like me, write like me, or love like me. He says I am deep. I am not part of the mainstream of people ~ not normal. Now isn't that just a kick in the pants?! Lordy, Lord, what did You do when you created me??

Ever feel that way? Like you're one of those misfits that wanders around trying to fit your round person into a square hole? Betcha have.

All that goobilty gook being said, God created each of us uniquely for a purpose; and, like it or not, we are who we are. To change our inner self means God made a mistake. Now, I'm not talking about manners or being a decent human being. I'm talking about personality types. We need to discover God's purpose for our lives then as Nike says, "Just do it."

When I'm feeling really confused and bombarded with thoughts, I have to stop and really ground myself. I take time to pray, meditate, and learn more about other people like me (that helps me not feel weird and crazy). Most people would not consider me an introvert but I am. I have always loved people and that has helped me to be more outgoing. I am passionate about causes I believe in and have a hard time backing down when I really believe in what I am supporting. I like what Pastor Dudley says, "If God said it, I believe it. If you don't, then take it up with Him." Sometimes, I just know what I know... Michael says he's learned to not second guess me.

Speaking of passion: When I step inside the Open Range Cowboy Church on Sundays, I literally feel the presence of the Holy Spirit. The first time, I walked through the doors, it nearly took my breath away.  I know, weird, BUT very true. Immediately that song, "I Am Standing on Holy Ground," flooded my brain cells.

I hope you will listen to the song I posted. If you're not feelin' it when you go to church, maybe you need to rethink where you're spending your time. Just my opinion. I might add, if where you're parking your blessed behind only makes you feel warm and fuzzy and doesn't teach from the Bible, you might re-examine your place of worship. I like it when I am confronted with my own junk that is keeping me from leading a more Christ-like life. I want pure, unvarnished truth about the Bible, about Jesus, and me, a sinner.

So, in all this chatter today what would Jesus do? I looked over at the chair across the room and imagined Him sitting beside lil Zoe. She's not a lamb but looks similar with her new haircut. I imagine Him looking at me with piercing eyes and a half smile on His face. "Hey there, I hand picked you to be in that INFJ group of 1% in order for you to carry out my plan. I am counting on you to count on Me." Well then...

I'll be me and you be you and let's try to get along in this crazy mixed up world. God's counting on his kids to reach up and out. He's given us a plan in a book called the Bible. Inside are the 10 Commandments (written in simple English), Proverbs (31 chapters ~ 1 for each day of most months) for learning wisdom, and a wealth of information about what happens when his kids go astray and how to get back under His wing. I learned a long time ago that I needed to get outside my own thoughts and do life His way. Somehow, it just works out better that way.

Proverbs 3:5-7 says, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight. Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and turn away from evil..."

In all my thoughts and rants today, I finally found a peace in allowing myself room to throw myself a pity party. Life's not fair ... never has been, never will be. I can't fix other people nor can I make them value me as a person.  Sooo, I took out my little sweet book where I make notes on taking care of little Miss Dottie and did a little plotting, I gave my heart to Jesus and I'm excited to see what He's going to do.

Thanks for listening. I am human and I'm sure as heck not perfect. My scars cover my body like train tracks and my heart looks like a little patchwork quilt. Yet, through this day and until I take my last breath I am because HE IS the great creator, the great I AM.

Thinking about all of you Readers and praying that your day was a great one and that you joined me in wearing blue today to honor the men who wear the shield that protects us. Texas did it up right ~ our Governor Greg Abbott called for state wide backing of our officers calling them sir and ma'am!! I have no problem showing respect and doing that.

Miss Dottie

PS You may or may not like J Edgar Hoover but I am with him when he said:

"Truth telling, I have found, is the key to responsible citizenship. The thousands of criminals I have seen in 40 years of law enforcement have had one thing in common. Every single one was a liar."