Hope for the heart

March 22, 2016
Tuesday

Dear Readers,

This morning, I woke up to a sick husband, 6 wild furry kids wanting to go outside and be fed, and the news of the terrorist attack in Brussels. I took a deep breath and walked outside to breathe in some fresh air and marveled at the unfolding of Spring going on in my gardens. Funny how something so simple can reset the start button on my day.

Even with the restart, I felt a tear roll down my cheek and cried out to God to have mercy on our souls.

"What causes fights and quarrels amount you?

Don't they come from your desires that battle within you?

You desire but do not have, so you kill.

You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight."

James 4:1-2 

Doesn't that sound familiar? We live in a dog eat dog world. Our presidential candidates are besieged with angry protesters ~ terrorists maim, kill, attack ~ families are divided by strife. We are taught that if someone believes differently we have the right to belittle and defame without cause. Think deeply about the Bible verse above today. Isn't it true?

Late last night, I was listening to June Hunt's program Hope for the Heart on KCBI radio. There was a young wife and mother of 4 (oldest 6, youngest 7 months) who phoned in. Her husband was emotionally abusive, messing with other women, and to top all that off, was addicted to alcohol, gambling, and pornography. No wonder her heart was hurting. Maybe she just needed to vent, maybe she really needed some help in getting on the right path, and maybe she, too, had hit bottom in her relationship.

At first, I was half listening then, I shut off the lights and really focused. Emily's voice sounded worn out and old. She wanted so badly for her husband to turn to Christ and become the man he could be. The bad part was that her husband had multiple addictions and he wasn't having any part of any recovery program.

The good news was that there was hope for Emily's heart!!

When, I counseled battered women, the toughest ones to get through to were those that deeply loved the Lord ~ those who wanted to be good wives and mothers. I was on the speaker's forum for the shelter in Collin County and encountered many a woman who flat out didn't know which way to turn. What is that saying, "The devil you know is better than the devil you don't." I certainly could relate because for most of my life, I lived in that mode. I had hope for myself and hope for others. 

There is something that happens in the brain of someone who has been stripped of human dignity including Stockholm Syndrome. This syndrome, or capture-bonding, is a psychological phenomenon in which hostages express empathy and sympathy and have positive feelings toward their abusers, sometimes to the point of defending and identifying with them. So often you see this in children and teens who have been abused ~ they cling to the very source of their pain.

In my thirties, I left an abusive relationship only to find myself in one that was much worse. I called up a counselor and when I saw her, I told her I wanted to have every psychological test available to find out why I chose so badly. Interestingly enough, I passed all the tests and was told that marriage was a crap shoot and I got dealt a couple bad hands. It was enough though to scare the crap out of me and for the next 7-8 years I remained single focusing on my work, raising my kids, and being a better person.

Looking back, I had PTSD issues ~ when situations would arise that I couldn't handle, I became angry, would strike out, and then I would sob like a small child. I kept returning to counselors begging for help. They kept telling me I was just in some stressful situations. I read books about anger and had this hunger for wellness. I was alone in Texas without family and felt overwhelmed much of the time.

It wasn't until after I married my husband in 2003 that a counselor identified the tapes that had run rampant in my subconscious and I began intense childhood trauma therapy. It was hard, it was painful, it took everything I had to protect that little girl inside of me. What is my point? What was wrong wasn't about who I married, it was about me. Even though I was high functioning, I lived my life in shame thinking everything that happened was my fault.

The good news is that if "it" was my fault, I could fix myself.

My faith saved me. My belief that Jesus loved me carried me through day after day. One night after a PTSD event, I ended up in a psych ward. All of a sudden, I looked around me then at Michael and said, "Take me home. I don't belong here." God says in Romans 8:28: "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God and are called according to his purpose." I heard a small voice telling me that I didn't have to be ashamed nor did I have to be a scapegoat for everyone's problems. I had been controlled by the fear of abandonment; and, that night, I let go of the rope that was strangling me. I chose life.

Sounds simple, right? No, it really wasn't. My road to happiness and wellness has been filled with ruts, bumps, as well as times of smooth sailing. The PTSD will never go away; however, I know how to manage it and stay away from triggers. With God, all things are possible!! How do I know? Because in Philippians 4:13, it says, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" and God doesn't lie.

Today, I will kneel and pray. Today, I will choose to see the best in the world around me. Today, I will sing for joy at the work of His Hands. Today, I will go about my business and hand out words of encouragement and smiles of love. All because, He loved me ... He loved me enough to stretch out his arms and die for me.

Miss Dottie

PS Do you know what the shortest verse in the Bible is?

"Jesus wept." ~ John 11:35.

It's the shortest verse in the Bible yet one that holds great power. It allows us to see into the heart of Jesus whose heart beats for us ~ through this verse we witness the compassion of a Savior who understands grief and deep sorrow.

There are some who walk in our world today and falsely believe they hold great power because they spew out cruel words, attack, abuse, and follow the evilest whispers of Satan himself. Their main aim is to steal, kill, and destroy (John 10:10). What they don't know is that they can never really win. Why? Read the last chapter of the Bible ... the good guy wins!

This is Holy Week ~ a time to remember that Jesus (God/Man) came to earth to die for our sins. Through his death on the cross, we have (should be choose to accept) eternal life. I don't know about you, but I am so grateful and I will never stop singing His praise!!

Always remember YOU are loved and prayed for ... YA YOU!!