Leila

March 15, 2016 Note to Readers: I was working on this blog when my computer flat out died. It's time to publish AND start working on some others. My life has been full of adventures!
Miss Dottie

February 6, 2016
Saturday

Dear Readers,

February is the month of love and I have been thinking about the women who have made a difference in what has made me, me.

What do you think of when I say mother-in-law? I know that all too often we aren't looked upon too kindly. I have never had a nasty mother-in-law ~ my mothers-in-law have been wonderful ladies and I admired them for who they were ~ imperfectly perfect women.

Let me introduce Leila Eleanora:

I met my first husband when I went off to college ~ he was a Senior about to graduate and I was a Freshman. After dating a few months, I was introduced to his mother over dinner.

It was cold that winter evening just after Christmas 1964 in Fargo, ND. Not only was I shivering from the icy wind, my knees were knocking at the prospect of meeting this woman who held my boyfriend's heart. All of a sudden, there she was. Leila had on a hat, a beautiful brown leather coat, and her hands were warmed by leather gloves.  She was a bit plump yet very stylish and put together. We were introduced and she gave me this big beautiful smile and there began our relationship that would last until her passing.

Leila took off her coat and her wool dress was stunning. She seemed so at ease in this fancy restaurant. I ordered spaghetti and the waiter brought me this plate of twirly stuff, covered with a spicy sauce, a few meatballs, and flaky cheese. The noodles kept falling off my fork and I hated cheese. My mom fixed spaghetti using macaroni so how in the world would I eat this without dribbling all over myself? I ate the meatballs and left the rest on my plate.

Leila & her mother, Annie 

As I got to know Leila, she amazed me with all she knew about being a farmer's wife, cooking, baking, making a house a cozy home, and other stuff like enjoying fine china, antiques, and sterling silver. She loved shopping, planting a flower garden, had a beautiful singing voice, and could put her make-up on like an artist. She was smart, filled with joy, loved the Lord, and, most of all, she loved her family. In my whole life, I'd never seen someone who celebrated every holiday with such gaiety and extravagance. My father-in-law would say, "Judas Priest, you are going to put us in the poor house." Leila would laugh and go on about her business.

Spending time with her was an adventure. She bought me my first beautiful robe, nightgown, slippers, and perfume (I still wear Youth Dew by Estee Lauder to this day). I am sure I absolutely drove her nuts because I was skinny, a very picky eater, and didn't know a whole lot about the so called finer things in life. There were times she shook her head at me and other times when she hugged me so tightly I thought I would be squashed.

Leila could be strong-willed and opinionated and wasn't shy about addressing some of my (ahem) lesser qualities. I didn't like that; but, then again, I knew her heart and decided to learn all I could from her. Life in her home was always lively, family oriented, and, I fell in love with all of them.

In 1970, my husband, 2 daughters (2 & 10 mos) and I moved to Houston, TX. Soon afterwards, my doctor found a lump in my neck. After some tests, he told me I would need surgery and to get my affairs in order because it looked like cancer. Cancer at 23? I was scared to death. Who came to care for me? Leila did. I was angry that my own mother didn't come to care for me and I'm ashamed that I wasn't very nice to Leila. I weighed 80 pounds, was depressed, and, although I did not have cancer, my neck had been cut from one side to the other, thyroid removed, a vocal chord (accidently) paralyzed, and just holding up my head was difficult. That year of recovery was a tough one...

It wasn't too many years later that I would sit in a hospital room with Leila as she lay dying from cancer. I would hold her hand. I would talk to her about my little girls and prayed she would somehow recover from the sores that were lining her mouth and down into her stomach. She looked so frail yet peaceful...unable to talk. Oh how I loved her... She kept a diary those first weeks after she was diagnosed with cancer. What a treasure for her family.

Before her diagnosis and after her husband's death, Leila had begun renovations on her older home ~ adding a bathroom on the second floor. She had looked forward to growing old and spending time with her children and grandchildren. It was sad that she never got to enjoy the fruits of her labors.

When Leila passed away (Just 7 months after her husband) there were funeral arrangements to be made and a lifetime of gathering possessions to be taken care of. Her home needed to be dismantled and farm equipment inventories for a sale. It was strange going through all her personal items and separating them into piles. (Since then, I've thought often about what others will think going through my own home when I am gone.) Maybe that is why I have downsized and decluttered...

I wandered about the house thinking about all the beautiful times I had there. I hoped that my girls would remember the times their grandmother Leila lifted them into the willow tree singing ... "Janie and Jillo swinging in the willow." Her voice was hauntingly beautiful and they would giggle and pretend they were going to fall out of the tree. Oh how Leila loved her grandchildren ~ Jessica, Jill, Jane, Andrew.

Leila was not a saint and and I don't mean to picture her as one. She had her own demons that she struggled with. I used to giggle: She attended weight loss meetings with her friends each week, and after weighing, they would share new recipes and have dessert and coffee! Her husband was much older and as she watched him become more paranoid and reclusive, her own anger surfaced. Their last years together were a struggle for both of them.

I wish I could turn back the clock and tell her how very much she meant to me and how much she taught me about God, about living, and, most of all, about loving. Who knew she would die so very young (50's) and so tragically to a cancer that took her life in a matter of weeks.

As I sit here today, I celebrate her influence on my life. I went in to my silver chest and got out one of the long sterling silver sipper spoons (like a straw with a spoon at the end) she gave me to enjoy while I sipped on an ice cream float.  At the time, I didn't know the value of sterling silver and kept them in my kitchen utensil drawer. On a visit, she was not shy about letting me know where and how they should be kept. Well, Leila, I began to take good care of them and now 40+ years later they still look like brand new ~ too bad I can't take them to heaven with me so you and I can enjoy some ice cream floats!

Leila ... daughter, sister, wife, mother, grandmother, friend ~ member of the Presbyterian church and Eastern Star, soloist ~ cook, baker extraordinaire ~ a woman who could make an old drafty house a warm home for her family and friends ~ a gardener, furniture restorer, craftswoman ~ a spunky woman of grace and dignity ~ my mother in law.

Miss Dottie

PS The first Sunday I attended the Open Range Cowboy Church, I met a wonderful mother-in-law/daughter-in-law team ~ Miss Vivian and Susie. Susie cared first for her father-in-law then her mother-in-law, making sure their golden years were filled with compassion, love, and well-being as their health deteriorated. Oh how I miss Miss Vivian yet, I am grateful for the friendship that has blossomed between Susie and I. 

Always remember you are loved and prayed for ... YA YOU!!