The Journey Begins

June 20, 2016
Monday

Dear Readers,

I am undertaking a difficult journey. A journey that I want to share with you just in case you're dealing with the same stuff that I am. I want to inspire and encourage you to come along with me and we can do this together. This is serious to me because this is something I am not excited to do. I've had good intentions in the past but you know the old saying, "The road to hell is paved with good intentions."

This past Saturday, I had one of those moments where I realized how far I had slipped in keeping my body fit. When Melissa shared her testimony of health and wellness with me and determined my body type, I half-heartedly listened. When I was in church on Sunday, I was convicted and, today, I am determined.

Let's go back over the past 4 years. I've moved from the area of Dallas that I had lived since 1972; I've had countless major surgeries that required long times of recovery; I felt lost and doubted God's leading; and, I ate my way to unhealthiness. I have felt defeated, angry with myself, and lacked any will to do anything different. I had my last back surgery in March of 2015 and it took it's toll. At that time, Dr Carmody gave me books on back and neck health and I paged through them. Books don't mean anything unless you follow directions. End of story.

In less than a year, I have developed further crumbling on my spine and stenosis which has made my life a living hell. Well, I did a couple of things: I gained 30 pounds AND I continued carrying bags of dirt and mulch to my garden. Try carrying a twenty pound bag of dog food around with you every minute of the day then add the weight of dirt and mulch. See what I am saying? It took me not being able to walk or stand to really grasp what I had done to myself.

I carry most of my weight around my waist. Oh, I can hide it well with choosing my shirts appropriately but I do have to shed those clothes at least once a day and look in the mirror. Good grief! There looking back at me is an M&M with stick legs! I was eating food like an alcoholic drinks ~ to make pain go away and fill the void, the hole in my heart.

You know the beautiful thing about my God? He accepts me no matter what; on the other hand, He shows me by way of messengers how I need to change. When the Holy Spirit convicts me of something, I know what I need to do. This is not saying I am always obedient. Sometimes, it takes something drastic.

Okay, all this being said, where did I begin? It started with Maddie making lunch for Melissa and I on Saturday as well as dinner in the evening. It was delicious and I got even more curious. Last Sunday morning I got up thinking, "tomorrow I will begin my quest." Then, I recognized the old pattern of ... I will have one last day of eating myself into oblivion then, I will ____________.  Ever tell yourself that?

I ate a slice of Ezekiel Bread with homemade jam on it before church. Our normal routine after church is to stop at McDonald's and munch on sandwiches on our way home. I told Michael I wasn't going to do that substituting a bar to hold me until I got home. Easy? HELL NO!!!

I made a casserole for Michael since that's what he wanted. I chose a salad and fruit. I was stuffed but boy I craved ice cream with chocolate, bananas, and peanuts. It was tough and Satan was hitting me right and left. I froze remembering how I had abused my body. I chose health.

Although I had two previous days of healthy eating, my real journey began today. Since I am not counting calories, I am writing down every morsel I put in my mouth. My problem is the spare tire around my waist so I am cutting wayyyy back on sugars and learning how to balance what I eat. I'm also putting my food on a luncheon plate to trick my brain into thinking I have a full dinner plate piled high with tasty morsels. Believe me, it works. The roughest part is giving up my Zero Coke. I drank many a day and love the fizzz!

My menu for today:

Breakfast:  1 egg, 1 slice toasted Ezekiel Bread/1 pat butter, Grapes/Watermelon.
Snack:  Giovanni Yogurt with Coconut
Lunch:  Cottage Cheese sprinkled with sunflower seeds, fresh peaches
Snack:  ThinkThin Protein Bar (Salted Caramel)
Dinner:  Salad (organic spinach, Romaine, tomatoes, cucumber, boiled egg & pine nuts, oil/vinegar/spices dressing)
Before bed Snack: Apple
All day: Drinking filtered water from the frig with lemon and cucumber slices in it
(I ate every 3 hours to make sure my tummy felt full)

I wish I had taken photos of my food other than with my phone but I didn't, tomorrow I will do that.

How do I feel? Full BUT the cravings of sugary and salty food is there. I won't kid you, this is really tough. I don't like the taste of the Ezekiel Bread ~ I am told my taste buds will change and I will grow to enjoy it. The jury is out. I will finish the entire loaf one slice at a time before I give up. I'm not big on meat; however, I think a nice steak, grilled fish, or grilled chicken would taste good every other day. I love beans ~ my cupboard has several cans for me to choose from. I am learning as I go. Melissa told me today that Jorge Cruise has a great book that would help enlighten me.

Many people say that to eat healthy costs a lot but I don't think so. I was eating crap and if I were honest, that cost a whole lot more because of the quantity I was eating. A bag of dry beans goes a l-o-n-g way!!

As I crawl into bed, I am reminded: One day at a time. If I liked eating this new way, I would have done it a long time ago. Since I don't, it's a mental and taste bud adjustment. For tonight, I'm kinda mad that I can't have my bowl of ice cream. My mind is playing games with me and Satan is certainly spewing forth his two cents. Just for today, I am okay and powering forward. That's all I can do knowing that God will give me strength for my day tomorrow.

Thanks for joining me, Readers. I hope we can lift each other up in prayer and offer encouragement as we make our way down this twisted path of learning and adjusting. All I know is that I will have an apple and bars in my purse at ALL times.

Miss Dottie

PS "You will never change your life until you change something you do daily." ~Mike Murdock

PSS I am not a fan of Mike Murdock, I just like some of his quotes.

Always remember you are loved and prayed for ... YA YOU, every single one of you!! I promise...