Migraine Madness

January 3, 2014

Dear God,

It's me, Miss Dottie ... It's two o'clock in the morning and my head feels like it's going to come off my shoulders. The migraine started last evening and before many minutes had passed, it was thundering through my head like a locomotive. The slightest sound became a mighty gong and all I could do was pull a blanket over my head in insure complete darkness and wait it out. Kennedy and Zeke climbed under the covers with me and began nuzzling. Funny how they know when I am totally spent. I took a pain pill to numb the surging currents but all that did was make me sick to my stomach and itch like crazy. Aughhh. I wonder if some people who were considered "mad" simply had continuous migraines.

Lord God, I know that you are with me no matter what I am going through and I hold fast to that promise. For those fellow travelers that experience migraines they know exactly what I am talking about. The thought of "Lord just get me though this" falls from my lips with pleading.

One thing that does give me comfort is claiming your promises knowing you don't lie! John 14:27 tells me: "I am leaving you with a gift ~ peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don't be troubled or afraid."

As a Stephens Minister, I have great empathy for those plodding through the trials of this life (including those who have migraines). Having led a shame based life, I also needed to learn to have empathy for myself and cut myself some slack.  You know, Lord, I've learned a lot these many years. Confess ... Atone ... Turn around and live differently.  All that has equaled PEACE and REFRESHMENT.

I was thinking about Paul the other day ~ you know him well, Lord. The Paul that was Saul in the New Testament, the murderer of Christians. You tapped him on the shoulder and he was transformed and became the greatest missionary ever. Don't you suppose there were folks who remembered him in his younger years and said, "He's a murderer, a shiester, I hate him and will never forgive." God, you forgave him and used his past, present, and future to your glory. Paul couldn't change his past BUT he moved beyond knowing that he had work to do for the Kingdom.

"The God of peace will soon crush Satan under your feet

The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you." 

~Romans 16:20

I'm so glad you're my bestie, Lord and that we can do life together. I want the Readers of my blogs to know you what lilike I know you. I just finished reading the book, HEAVEN IS FOR REAL and I believe that Colton experienced a bit of life after death. There were two times in my life when I looked down from above and experienced the brightness of heaven ... when my son was born and another time when I had my first real date with my ex-husband. I was an adult and found it difficult to explain without people looking at me like I was nuts. I can imagine how people looked at a four year old boy. I am anxious to see how Colton uses his experience as he grows up. For me, they were life-changing experiences and I will forever be grateful that I got that glimpse...

My eyes are hurting looking at the screen and, although my headache is better, it has left me with a residual dull ache. I will close my eyes and the thought of angels watching over me will bring me slumber ~ I just know it will.

Miss Dottie

PS  To my Readers:  "What we are is God's gift to us. What we become is our gift to God."~Eleanor Powell

Stale like old bread

"For I know the plans I have for you," says the LORD. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope."

~Jeremiah 29:11 (NLT)

January 2, 2014

Dear God,

I had a hard time sleeping last night and sure didn't want to get up when the furry kids decided they wanted to go out and water the bushes at 6 bells. I found myself groping for the door with one eye open. They are always so feisty first thing in the morning and it's difficult not to match their exuberance. By the time I walked from the cottage to the casa, I was wide awake and ready to sip on some hot coffee while they noshed on their kibble.

My decision to REFRESH excites me. I'd really grown stale like old bread in so many areas of my life. By the end of 2013, I was struggling with depression, loneliness, Fibromyalgia, and a feeling of sheer tiredness. I found myself wanting to go back to a time when I could work and bring in a nice paycheck instead of struggling in retirement. I'm not altogether sure that I can't find something that would infuse me with energy so, Lord, I want you to know that I am open to that.

Kenneth Holmes wrote the poem entitled Just for today. As we were communing together this morning, it came to mind, and I'd like to share it with my Readers. I think it is very appropriate for today's REFRESH!!

Just for today

I will try to live through this day only,
and not tackle all my problems at once.
I can do something for twelve hours that
would appall me if I felt that I had to
keep it up for a lifetime.

Just for today: I will be happy. This
assume to be true what Abraham Lincoln said,
*Most folks are as happy as they make up their
minds to be.*

Just for today: I will adjust myself to what is,
and not try to adjust everything to my own desires. I will
Take my *luck* as it comes, and fit myself into it

Just for today:I will try to strengthen my mind. I will study.
I will not be a mental loafer.
I will read something that requires effort.
Thought and concentration.

Just for today: I will exercise my soul
in three ways: it will do somebody a good turn
and not get found out; if anybody know of it, it
will not count. I will do at least two things I
don’t want to do– just for exercise. I will
not show anyone that my feelings are hurt: they may
be hurt but today I will not show it.

Just for today: I will be agreeable. I will
look as well as I can, dress becomingly, keep my voice
low,be courteous,criticize not one bit. I won’t find
fault with anything, nor try to improve or regulate
anybody else but myself.

Just for today: I will have a program.
I may not follow it exactly, but I will have it.
I will save myself from two pests: Hurry and Indecision’s.

Just for today: I will have a quiet half
hour all by myself, and relax. During this half hour,
sometime I will try to get a better perspective of
my life.

Just for today: I will be un-afraid.
Especially I will not be afraid to enjoy what
is beautiful,and to believe that as I give to the
world, so the world will give back to me.

I am alive and the world is at my fingertips. What I do with my hours, minutes, and seconds is up to me. What a gift ... life!!

Father God, I thank you for this new year and the opportunity to grow and refresh. Please touch each of my Readers as they join me in blog-form. I know that you have something special in store for each of them today. Help them to remember you are in charge and that nothing comes as a surprise to you. Grant them that extra measure of faith, courage, and wisdom as they go about their day. I pray confidently in the name of your son, Jesus. Amen and Amen.

Miss Dottie

PS "Faith is why I'm here today and faith is why I made it through." ~Jonathan Anthony Burkett

Refresh in 2014

May this new year wish fill your heart with hopes of a brighter tomorrow and unfold new dreams to realize God has great faith in you.

January 1, 2014

Dear God,

HAPPY NEW YEAR!! This morning I was watching the Today Show and they were talking about asking you, Lord, to give someone one word for the new year.  The word REFRESH immediately came to mind. It is a perfect word for me as I move into 2014.

"For I will satisfy the weary soul, and every languishing soul I will replenish."

~Jeremiah 31:25

Yesterday, I looked back over 2013.  It was one of those years that, in so many ways, I'd like to forget. BUT, when I began posting photos, I found myself smiling remembering the good times and the blessings you bestowed on me. I will count the challenges as building blocks and the blessings as gravy (or shall I say the ala mode of life?).

I've always loved talking to you and listening to what you've had to say to me. I don't always like it but then, when I do listen, things work out better. I'm such a sinner, Lord, always have been and always will be. There were times when I didn't think I was but you managed to reveal my faults and fumbles as I could handle truth. On the flip side, you've loved me in spite of my humanness and we've worked together one day at a time towards truth, light, and service.

My progress journal is going to be a good thing.  I write down 3-4 things that I want to accomplish that day. If I do more, I add them to the list. If I don't do them, I write down my (lame) excuse and put the task on the next page. It's kind of like losing weight. I do great when I write down everything that I put in my mouth. I didn't realize what a grazer I was and still am.

I look around me and feel your hand on my shoulder. I've read through the Bible so many times that when I go through the trials and blessings of life, Bible verses automatically come to mind and it's through your word that we converse. I have a hard time memorizing scripture and putting an exact book and verse to what I remember is difficult. I keep on trying...

"My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they will never perish, and no one will snatch them out of my hand." ~John 10:27-28

Harmony loves her dental bones!

One thing I REALLY celebrated today was how far my little adopted rescues Harmony and Ruffles have come. Harmony has always been the bold one and, believe me, she is a tough old broad. You'd think she would be totally traumatized since her two altercations with Sadie but she has rallied.  She has been my constant companion ~ when I sit down, she wants to be beside me or in my lap. Ruffles has been the shy one and the toughest to bring around. At first, she would only follow Harmony ... gradually, she has taken on her own identity and Michael and I clap with glee with each step she masters. Today, we were talking about how "Ruffy" fits her. She now has a voice ~~ oh my does she ever have a voice. Her red coat has doubled in thickness and that plume of a tail she has goes a mile a minute. Ruffy has become a little princess to be reckoned with!! She still won't allow me to pick her up outside so we will work on that in 2014. I think these little puppy mill girls are truly going to come in to their own this year. In the meantime, they're doing just fine!!!

"Hello world, I'm Ruffy!"

Tonight, I came out to the cottage to spend some time. It was a glorious day ~ sunny, warm, restful. A perfect way to begin the new year.  Oh yes, Lord, I did eat some black-eyed peas and had some cornbread. I'm not a big fan of the peas BUT they are supposed to bring good luck besides being healthy for me. I also sauteed some fresh squash, onion, zucchini, and tomato for dinner tonight. Nothing like starting the year on a healthy note.

Father in heaven, I thank you for bringing me through another year. I just know that together we can bring light and love to those whose lives I touch. I pray for my Readers ~ that you would bring forth faces of those needing prayer and that you would reveal yourself to them as they go about their daily lives. I thank you that my blog has been read in many countries throughout the world and that my story has touched lives giving you glory.  Amen and Amen.

Miss Dottie

PS  "Maybe this year, we ought to walk through the rooms of our lives not looking for flaws, but looking for potential." ~Ellen Goodman

You know, Ellen, that sounds pretty darn good to me. Thanks Lord for a new year and new beginnings!!

2013

December 31, 2013

Life's not fair, is it...  My cousin, Barbara, commented on my blog about Sadie yesterday sharing that it was the day of her husband's funeral. She clings to the hymn, "Because He Lives."  I know the song well and when I played it on UTube, it gave me such comfort today. Thank you, Barb! I decided to put it on the top of my blog so that you could listen to it while you read my final blog of the year.

"Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal." 

~From an Irish headstone

No words I can write will ease the pain and feeling of hopelessness that has overtaken my days. I want Sadie to live. What I want is "self" centered but there comes a time when one must think beyond "self." Hopelessness is a good adjective to explain what I am going through. It's a feeling I've had when my parents passed, my in laws passed on, and relationships didn't work out ~ when circumstances were beyond my control.

Today is the last day of 2013. It's been a tough year with some good stuff sprinkled in. Believe me, I am looking forward to 2014 and will eat my black eyed peas at midnight!!

January began with the loss of Mom Seidler. It's been a year of grieving and missing her. She was such a wonderful part of our lives and my memories are all sweet when I think of her.

The wonderful warm weather in February birthed new gardens in the back yard. It was a wonderful way of working through grief and getting fit at the same time.

March offered:

Trips to Bonnie's Nursery with Beverly

Easter with the Anderson Family

In April we opened our home and hearts to Kennedy, a precious Chi-Pom rescued by Recycled Poms.

Kennedy
Adopted April 28, 2013

May

A bonding of the pack

May 13, 2013
Zeke adopted

Trip to Calvert, TX

June

Storms rolled in

Trip to Cameron Park in Waco, TX

Zeke became our miracle baby
weathering serious illness

June 14, 2013
Ruffles adopted

June 14, 2012
Harmony Jane adopted

Zeke attends his first art showing

July

4th of July Celebration
Hillsboro, TX

Antiquing Trips

Harmony fought so hard to overcome
allergies and asthma

August

Blog book for 2012 was published.  Yay!

Zeke & Michael enjoying a rest inside a
wonderful log house!

September

Grandparents Day at Zachary's school

Grandparent's Day at Nicholas's school

Love to watch my grandsons play baseball!

October ~ the wonderful colors of Fall

November

Let's play ball!

That first place trophy looks mighty good!

So much to be thankful for!

December

Ice storms hit hard!

Christmas Eve at the Rock Church outside Cranfills Gap

Christmas Day lunch at the Crains.

A day at the Kimbell Art Museum with
Rica and Beverly

New beginnings and goals for the New Year

Favorite Memories: Visit by my grandsons in August.  OMG, my heart was full!!!

Nicholas loves Harmony!

Fun at Hobby Lobby.  Zachary said shopping was
great ~ Nicholas said it gave him a headache! LOL

Brotherly love!

Graffiti in the storm shelter

Cameron Park Zoo

Those alligators look harmless?

What else can I say?  I've had quite a year.  Tomorrow I will have a clean slate on which to chart my course in life.  Several days ago, one of my high school classmates passed away from a heart attack while shoveling snow. (RIP Dan Kvitek)  He was looking forward to our class reunion coming up in September 2014.  It reminded me that no matter how we look forward to events, we have no guarantees.  TODAY is important and I am going to pack all I can into my minutes!!

Always remember you are loved and prayed for ... YA YOU ... every one of you!!

Miss Dottie

PS  "Though no one can go back and make a brand-new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand-new ending." ~Carl Bard

My Sweet Sadie

December 30, 2013

There are times that life takes a wicked turn and, as an adult, I have to step up to the plate whether I want to or not.  The past few days have really sapped my energy and brought forth tears I didn't even know I had in me.  I have appreciated the kind words and prayers sent my way and must lean on the Lord to carry me though the next couple weeks and beyond.

My beloved Scottie, Sadie, is facing the end of her life and I am fighting it tooth and nail.  It doesn't help to say that she's lived a good life and life goes on.  I've been praying for a miracle in her life and even now, I find myself bargaining with God.

Sadie was an anniversary gift to Michael and I in August 2003.  She was an even-tempered puppy, easy to house train, and got along well with our Pomeranian, Khelsea.  She loved our grandsons, was friendly to everyone she met and the groomers called her "Miss Sweetness."  She loved walks and trips to Lowe's and Home Depot. When given a treat, we would say, "Gentle," and she would gingerly accept her tasty morsel.  We doted on her and she was a faithful companion.

Several years ago, Sadie's health began to deteriorate.  First she developed severe allergies to grass and flea bites resulting in some difficult summers.  She loved Winter and thrived in the cold.  We would laugh as she romped through the snow and tried to taste the flakes falling. We tried keeping her inside as much as possible ~ tough, as she LOVED to be outside doing what Scotties do best ... hunting!

When we moved to North Central Texas (about a year and a half ago), Sadie loved having a big yard to run in.  There were squirrels and rabbits to hunt and she and Toby would spend hours playing.  She developed thyroid problems and liver counts (?) ... well, let's just say they weren't good.  When her itching/scratching nearly drove her nuts, we would head for the vet and he would give her shots and medications to help with her symptoms. We also gave her a flea pill. One day, she and Toby were playing with a toy and Sadie attacked him.  I reached down to separate them and Sadie grabbed my hand.  If you know anything about Scotties, they have an iron clad jaw.  My neighbor took me to the ER and Michael took care of the dogs before heading to the hospital.

We began to be more careful, buying dental bones rather than toys, and carefully monitoring her illnesses.  Each time she had severe flare-ups and had to have Prednisone, she would react poorly. Without the meds, she struggled. It was a vicious circle.  We reached a point last Spring where she was very stable and had the temperament she was famous for.  We monitored her heart, gave her flea meds, heartworm meds, thyroid meds, and liver support. She and Toby were fast friends again and we breathed a sigh of relief.

It was at that point when we decided to adopt our rescues Kennedy, Zeke, Harmony, and Ruffles. Sadie loved them all watching them play and protecting them. Life was manageable and good. Late Summer, Sadie began to feel quite poorly ... blood tests showed her liver getting worse and her allergies were attacking with a vengeance. We got new meds and a special shampoo ~ nothing helped ~ she cried as she would rub her back on any chair that would offer relief. Her sores opened and she became cranky ~ she pulled out her fur by the mouthful. Sadie wasn't herself ~ she was miserable.

A week or so ago, out of the blue, Sadie attacked Kennedy and Harmony.  I was right there to break up the altercation but it scared me to death. I took Sadie in to the vet and we spent a good deal of time discussing a plan of action. Sadie would be fed separately and would sleep apart from the other dogs. She would not be left alone with them even outside. Michael and I discussed Sadie's medical conditions and her changing moods. We agreed to team up to protect each of our furry kids yet minister to Sadie as well.

Last Friday, I joined a couple gal pals for a trip to the Kimbell Museum in Fort Worth. On the way home, I got a phone call from Michael asking how soon I would be home. His voice sounded strange but I attributed that to trying to hear him in a moving vehicle. When I walked in the door, he was sitting in the living room with a washcloth on his right hand ~ he was pale as a ghost. Sadie had turned on Harmony first, tossing her across the room. She then grabbed Kennedy.  As Toby tried to protect Kennedy, she turned on him. Michael was trying to separate Toby and Sadie when Sadie bit his hand. When he screamed, she let go. We knew, we just knew, that we needed some serious intervention.

The next day, we spent two hours at the vet's office. We took Harmony in for a complete check-up (and to see about her fur loss). Thank God she is a tough old broad and is doing fine. (We get the results of her thyroid test today) We spent most of the time consulting about Sadie: her health issues, medications, aggression, and changing moods. Dr. Young was quite frank with us, giving us every "fact" then addressing the emotional side of being an owner of a dog that was becoming more and more aggressive. He was caring when he needed to be caring and quite solemn in reminding of our responsibility of having an aggressive dog. Bottom line was that as her medical conditions were getting worse, her behavior was becoming erratically dangerous.

Tearfully, we decided that it would be best to end Sadie's misery. We had loved her unconditionally hoping for a miracle as she moved into her senior years. We celebrated when she had good days and comforted her when she was miserable. Because Sadie had bit Michael pretty severely, Texas law mandates that a dog be held for 10 days before euthanasia. Dr. Young has given Sadie some medication to sedate her and keep her quiet. Dr. Young and Dr. Arnold are on call if we need them. I wish there was something he could give me because every time I look at her and hold her, I burst into tears.

I guess I could have kept this all quiet but maybe there's another person out there who has gone through this or will. I second guess myself thinking, "She's so quiet now, maybe the aggression is gone." Then, I look at Michael's hand and feel the punctures on Kennedy, Harmony, and Toby and know that this has to be done. In a week, Sadie will cross Rainbow Bridge and we will celebrate the dog we've loved and cherished for over 10 years. Every day with her is tough because I know what's coming.  As I type, tears fall on to my computer and sobs wrack my body. Oh, God, I have prayed, take this from me.

Normally, I would end my blog by saying that I am loving and praying for you, Readers. This time, I am asking that you  love me and pray for me in this time of sadness and grief.

Miss Dottie

PS  "Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim." ~Vicki Harrison