My Sweet Sadie

December 30, 2013

There are times that life takes a wicked turn and, as an adult, I have to step up to the plate whether I want to or not.  The past few days have really sapped my energy and brought forth tears I didn't even know I had in me.  I have appreciated the kind words and prayers sent my way and must lean on the Lord to carry me though the next couple weeks and beyond.

My beloved Scottie, Sadie, is facing the end of her life and I am fighting it tooth and nail.  It doesn't help to say that she's lived a good life and life goes on.  I've been praying for a miracle in her life and even now, I find myself bargaining with God.

Sadie was an anniversary gift to Michael and I in August 2003.  She was an even-tempered puppy, easy to house train, and got along well with our Pomeranian, Khelsea.  She loved our grandsons, was friendly to everyone she met and the groomers called her "Miss Sweetness."  She loved walks and trips to Lowe's and Home Depot. When given a treat, we would say, "Gentle," and she would gingerly accept her tasty morsel.  We doted on her and she was a faithful companion.

Several years ago, Sadie's health began to deteriorate.  First she developed severe allergies to grass and flea bites resulting in some difficult summers.  She loved Winter and thrived in the cold.  We would laugh as she romped through the snow and tried to taste the flakes falling. We tried keeping her inside as much as possible ~ tough, as she LOVED to be outside doing what Scotties do best ... hunting!

When we moved to North Central Texas (about a year and a half ago), Sadie loved having a big yard to run in.  There were squirrels and rabbits to hunt and she and Toby would spend hours playing.  She developed thyroid problems and liver counts (?) ... well, let's just say they weren't good.  When her itching/scratching nearly drove her nuts, we would head for the vet and he would give her shots and medications to help with her symptoms. We also gave her a flea pill. One day, she and Toby were playing with a toy and Sadie attacked him.  I reached down to separate them and Sadie grabbed my hand.  If you know anything about Scotties, they have an iron clad jaw.  My neighbor took me to the ER and Michael took care of the dogs before heading to the hospital.

We began to be more careful, buying dental bones rather than toys, and carefully monitoring her illnesses.  Each time she had severe flare-ups and had to have Prednisone, she would react poorly. Without the meds, she struggled. It was a vicious circle.  We reached a point last Spring where she was very stable and had the temperament she was famous for.  We monitored her heart, gave her flea meds, heartworm meds, thyroid meds, and liver support. She and Toby were fast friends again and we breathed a sigh of relief.

It was at that point when we decided to adopt our rescues Kennedy, Zeke, Harmony, and Ruffles. Sadie loved them all watching them play and protecting them. Life was manageable and good. Late Summer, Sadie began to feel quite poorly ... blood tests showed her liver getting worse and her allergies were attacking with a vengeance. We got new meds and a special shampoo ~ nothing helped ~ she cried as she would rub her back on any chair that would offer relief. Her sores opened and she became cranky ~ she pulled out her fur by the mouthful. Sadie wasn't herself ~ she was miserable.

A week or so ago, out of the blue, Sadie attacked Kennedy and Harmony.  I was right there to break up the altercation but it scared me to death. I took Sadie in to the vet and we spent a good deal of time discussing a plan of action. Sadie would be fed separately and would sleep apart from the other dogs. She would not be left alone with them even outside. Michael and I discussed Sadie's medical conditions and her changing moods. We agreed to team up to protect each of our furry kids yet minister to Sadie as well.

Last Friday, I joined a couple gal pals for a trip to the Kimbell Museum in Fort Worth. On the way home, I got a phone call from Michael asking how soon I would be home. His voice sounded strange but I attributed that to trying to hear him in a moving vehicle. When I walked in the door, he was sitting in the living room with a washcloth on his right hand ~ he was pale as a ghost. Sadie had turned on Harmony first, tossing her across the room. She then grabbed Kennedy.  As Toby tried to protect Kennedy, she turned on him. Michael was trying to separate Toby and Sadie when Sadie bit his hand. When he screamed, she let go. We knew, we just knew, that we needed some serious intervention.

The next day, we spent two hours at the vet's office. We took Harmony in for a complete check-up (and to see about her fur loss). Thank God she is a tough old broad and is doing fine. (We get the results of her thyroid test today) We spent most of the time consulting about Sadie: her health issues, medications, aggression, and changing moods. Dr. Young was quite frank with us, giving us every "fact" then addressing the emotional side of being an owner of a dog that was becoming more and more aggressive. He was caring when he needed to be caring and quite solemn in reminding of our responsibility of having an aggressive dog. Bottom line was that as her medical conditions were getting worse, her behavior was becoming erratically dangerous.

Tearfully, we decided that it would be best to end Sadie's misery. We had loved her unconditionally hoping for a miracle as she moved into her senior years. We celebrated when she had good days and comforted her when she was miserable. Because Sadie had bit Michael pretty severely, Texas law mandates that a dog be held for 10 days before euthanasia. Dr. Young has given Sadie some medication to sedate her and keep her quiet. Dr. Young and Dr. Arnold are on call if we need them. I wish there was something he could give me because every time I look at her and hold her, I burst into tears.

I guess I could have kept this all quiet but maybe there's another person out there who has gone through this or will. I second guess myself thinking, "She's so quiet now, maybe the aggression is gone." Then, I look at Michael's hand and feel the punctures on Kennedy, Harmony, and Toby and know that this has to be done. In a week, Sadie will cross Rainbow Bridge and we will celebrate the dog we've loved and cherished for over 10 years. Every day with her is tough because I know what's coming.  As I type, tears fall on to my computer and sobs wrack my body. Oh, God, I have prayed, take this from me.

Normally, I would end my blog by saying that I am loving and praying for you, Readers. This time, I am asking that you  love me and pray for me in this time of sadness and grief.

Miss Dottie

PS  "Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim." ~Vicki Harrison