IF YOU DIDN'T BREAK IT, YOU DON'T HAVE TO FIX IT

 Good Morning, Readers! The smell of a freshly brewed pot of coffee woke me from a deep sleep this morning. I opened one eye then the other before planting my feet on the floor and making my way to the kitchen. There's something about that first cup of coffee that gets me moving and ready to take on my day. I'm a morning person ... one of those disgusting happy people who greet the day with exuberance! I've been known to put night people in misery with my happy face and shouts of "Good Morning Everyone!!"

I was a happy kid, a happy teenager, and, most of the time, a happy adult.  One of the fellows I dated always called me bright eyes with the big smile.  I am grateful for the good times and, as I wrote in the corner of my Bible, I am also thankful for the hard times.  It's in the hard times that I've grown the most and become appreciative of each and every joy!


As I've grown older, I've wanted to be accepted for who I am, warts, bumps and all and to allow others and myself room to fix their own issues.  I think others want that too. Oh goodness, it's been torture though because I hate it when I feel like I am disappointing someone. I've had to realize that relationships are two-way streets and that we all are interdependent on one another. It took me awhile to realize that in being a fixer I was telling others that they couldn't do it themselves. Nobody likes to feel that way.

I learned very young that I could not count on my parents for emotional support.  To ask meant being disappointed.  I so wanted my mom to come help me when my babies were born ... she did not.  I so wanted my parents to come be with me when I had major surgery and was facing probable cancer when I was 22. They did not. I began to develop callouses and just didn't ask when I needed my family. I couldn't stand the pain.  Instead, I became the rock for others giving them what I so desperately needed. Whenever I needed to let go and let someone else help me, it's about the most uncomfortable thing I can think of because there is so much pain in rejection. I struggle with that daily.


Having "done the work" on myself for years, and, to give myself a little credit, I have to say I have reached a place of peace and healthiness within myself. Behaviour patterns are our own issues that we need to look at and deal with in order to change them and get better results in the future. There's no getting around it: the one thing all my past issues had in common was ME.
 
I have liked my independence and like knowing I can take care of myself. I don't like to impose on others and don't like to rely on others for things if it's something I think I can do for myself. Being the strong, capable one is the mask I have created so that people won't see the real me underneath ... the person who is sometimes scared, sometimes a screw-up and sometimes just downright human needing a hug.  I give unconditional love yet have been scared from too many times of being torn down. Awareness has helped me avoid repeating old behaviors and develop new ones but I've found that no matter how much head knowledge I have, I sometimes fall backward. Growth is a life-long process and with every step I've taken, I have an opportunity to fit another piece of the puzzle into place.


I read an article written by Rick Bragg titled Stepfather's Day this morning.  It was a delightful story of a stepfather trying to parent his wife's son who was 10 years old when they married.  I laughed my way through it as it reminded me of all of us who did our best to guide our children into adulthood.  His advice to Jake was, "Life is an adventure.  Have some!"  We show them our ways and ultimately they discover their own.  We hope that our bad habits don't become ingrained in their lives and we search for signs of the good we've taught them.  All in all, it was a journey for us all with children ... one that every family goes through.  The article is in Southern Living if you want to read it.


I leave you today with this thought: We all make mistakes. We all have weaknesses. The Bible says that we are not to have a hard-hearted critical spirit toward each other but instead to forgive one another and to show mercy to one another just as Christ has done for us.

Enjoy this day and we'll chat again soon!! 

Remember ... if you didn't break it, you don't have to fix it!!