It's been 2 days....

Monday
January 26, 2015

Dear God,

Today, I covered my head in sack cloth and sat in ashes as I mourned the loss of my precious puppy, Finn. Amen

I am trying so hard to understand not only the death of Finn but the sum of the events that have been out of my control in my life. Holy Heaven, it seems like I've gotten dealt a whole lot more nastiness than most. Am I feeling sorry for myself? Yes, I guess I am. I keep thinking that pain, heartache, rejection, and death is going to fade away and that joy will not be just for a fleeting moment.

Yesterday, I doubted my faith, I doubted You, and I felt like a whipped dog cowering waiting for the next blow. I cried, I kicked that old black crate, and I shook my fists at Satan. I was angry at You for allowing Finn to die. I could not wrap my arms around the blow that took me by surprise. I could barely get enough energy together to text my family to let them know what happened. I could not speak ... even today, words coming from my mouth are garbled. It is only by your grace that I am able to place my fingers upon the keys of my laptop and hope my words make sense.

This morning, I released the blog I wrote yesterday. I thank my Readers, for the compassion poured out and their words of caring. Pam McC ~ you will never know how much your text meant to me when you said that you had a rescue from Arkansas that I might think about. Just the fact that you would trust me with a precious rescue...well, you know...

Yesterday, I nearly scrubbed the pain off the floor in the cottage. I thought I would tackle the little casa today but I can't. It has been enough to survive the hours. My furry kids are close by and seem to understand. Kennedy has been more vocal than usual with his groans, Toby lays on top of my feet, and the little girls, Ruffy and Harmony, want to be in my lap. We are all grieving in our own way. We're a tight knit group here in Seidler Dogdom and, I know, we will survive but for now, we are remembering a little guy gone too soon.

Lord God, I am surrounded by a garrison of Christian friends who have taken the time to comfort and surround me with prayer. I am realizing that it is so important to have that blessing when all I have is sorrow. When I facilitated women's Bible studies, I used to start my class by bringing all the women together with one standing in the middle. I asked the woman in the middle to try fall down and, Father, she couldn't because of those standing so close. That was my purpose ~ to make sure that those attending my class knew they weren't alone. Personally, I think that should be an initiation rite for families ... each member needs to know they are not alone in times when they feel rejected and can't deal with life's sorrows.

January 27, 2015
Tuesday

I stopped in mid-thought last night and, rather than finish it up, I want to add to it.

My phone (calls and texts) started beeping and quacking before 7am with my family and dear friends reminding me that they were coming alongside me. With each message, I felt your love being infused into my being and, I thank You and them, too!

Lord God, I want to carry the torch in educating pet owners about the dangers of dog collars (with/without tags). My daughter, Jane, is now removing the collars from her three Corgis when they are in the house. My daughter, Jill, said Daisy never wears her collar inside. For the many who have read my blog about Finn's tragedy, I KNOW they will think about their own use of dog collars. If what happened to Finn can save other dogs then there will be a purpose to his short life.

It is a beautiful day. Michael is off work and was going to help me outside. He is thinking we should take a day trip and feel the warmth and beauty surrounding us. Maybe he is right.

Prayer has been such a huge part of my life for so long and for a couple days, I knew the Holy Spirit was interceding on my behalf. Today, dear Lord, I want to begin anew. I want to pray for the safety of all dogs put in crates with their collars on. I want to pray for the pet owners who have experienced similar senseless tragedies. Oh, I know, some will say, "They are just dogs..." Well, yes, they are ~ BUT, they are also our furry kids who make us smile and give us a sense of purpose in caring for them. I woke up also thinking about Miss Vivian today and countless others who are battling cancer and other illnesses. Be with them, showering them with your love and peace. Give an extra measure of patience to their caregivers who experience frustration and burn-out. And, Father, if you could, please send us another little Finn to brighten our days! Amen, it is so!!

Miss Dottie

NOTE TO READERS:  The grief process is predictable yet a road so hard to walk. Sometimes, I think there should be benches at each step where we can sit awhile and truly experience what we need to to move onward.  Sometimes I think I've moved forward when, in reality, I've made a U-turn and circled back. I was half-asleep this morning when I was sure that I heard Finn's little bark. Then, I remembered...

I was so happy today...then,

January 25, 2015
Sunday

Dear God in Heaven,

I was so happy this morning ... I got up praising You and looking forward to a beautiful day of church and spending time outside with the Fabulous 5. Now that the big tree's branches have been taken care of and holes plugged, my furry kids could enjoy the sunshine and cool breezes without me chasing them all over the neighborhood.

Finn had been especially mischievous today.  He had no sooner finished his breakfast and he was up in the dishwasher, turned the trash over, and was chasing Ruffy's tail. He came out to the cottage with me then pulled shoes out of the closet, grabbed my computer cord, took a nose dive into my purse, and had both feet in his water dish. I was laughing at his antics telling him that no matter what, we were sticking these crazy puppy days out ~ together!

I finished getting dressed and picked Finn up. He was wiggling and licking my face as I was trying to put him in the crate. Finn hated the crate with a passion so I rarely used it preferring to put the baby gate up corralling him in the bathroom when I left. He was managing to climb over the gate and I was afraid he'd hang himself so the crate was the only thing I had that (I thought) would keep him safe. I turned down going to the women's conference in Tyler because Michael worked a long distance from home and I didn't want him to be "locked up" for so long. I figured there was next year when he would be out of his puppy stage and could roam freely about the house.

We went to church and, oh my gosh, I felt like I was sailing on air. Pastor Dudley gave a powerful message and, of course, the band was on the top of their game. I hugged and greeted my brothers and sisters in Christ and was thanking You for blessings. When we left church, we stopped to get a few groceries then came on home ~ we had been gone about 3 hours.

I walked into the cottage to let Finn out of his crate and screamed. He had caught his name tag sideways between the bars of the crate and, even though his collar wasn't tight, he strangled himself. I opened the crate and slid him out. I ran screaming to the house. Michael grabbed Finn and we were rubbing him hoping that You would bring him back. I wanted You to perform a miracle just like the story Pastor Dudley talked about in church. I can't even begin to express the horror I was feeling.

God, because of what happened to Zeke, we have been on guard almost 24/7 with the Fabulous 5 and especially baby Finn. I guess you could say I was on the brink of being paranoid about training him and keeping him safe. This week he was to finish up his puppy shots then we were scheduled for Puppy Kindergarten.

Dear God in heaven, I have had dogs most of my years on this earth. They have lived to old age and, other than my 2 Poms that were stolen in New Mexico, nothing out of the ordinary had ever happened. In November, Zeke was hit by a black truck, and I could barely stand the pain. I am still feeling that pain although Finn gave me plenty to smile about and lots of hope. Now, today... Here I am the encourager, the believer, your loyal subject ... broken into a million pieces. I am trying, Lord, to look upward yet I can't. I look at the grave of my tiny boy and my breath is labored.

Michael was trying to comfort me telling me it wasn't my fault. Was it? He was supposed to be safe in his crate. How could his name tag get twisted sideways? My God, he must have been so frantic and scared and I wasn't there to protect him.

If I did everything I humanly could to keep him safe whose fault is it? I am struggling, God, and I am asking that You show yourself 'cause between the crazies of the past and the loss of my two little guys, I am damn mad. I want to wither up and die. Ruffy and Harmony want to lick my salty tears ... Toby is sniffing the ground where we laid Finn to rest ... Kennedy is squashed up beside me doing his "groaning" and "moaning." I sob yet I am numb. I am afraid to feel the magnitude of this tragedy for fear of crumbing and not being able to put myself together.

I can't think of comforting scriptures, I can't think ... I don't know what to do with myself. As much as we devoted our days and nights (I surrounded my bed with pillows in case he fell off) to keeping Finn safe, we failed. I look around and cry out, "What next?" God, I know you are a good God and I also know everything is Father-filtered so now I say, "Why did you allow the evil one to attack me ... again. Is he laughing at me as I mourn?" When is the next boulder going to drop?

The crate is gone and I cannot speak except to write. I guess writers are that way...

Miss Dottie

NOTE TO MY READERS:  Please pray for me as I struggle. I have no photos to share and no positive words to say so I will quote John Grogan: "Such short little lives our pets have to spend with us, and they spend most of it waiting for us to come each day. It is amazing how much love and laughter they bring into our lives and even how much closer we become with each other because of them."

RIP my sweet baby boy, Finn. I am missing you ... your slobbery puppy breath kisses, your growls and bites, and, most of all, your mischievous ways of making me laugh when life dealt me some ugly spoiled lemons.

PS  My daughter sent me this note a few minutes ago:  "WHAT??!! OH my gosh!! I cannot believe it-- I did a little internet search and was shocked to find out how common this tragety occurs. I love you and understand if you don't want to talk about it today. I have my phone close by in case you call. Love YOU!!

According to a survey from the North American Veterinary Conference in 2003, 91 percent of veterinarians reported having seen or heard of one to five dogs injured or strangled by their collar within the last year. They also believed that only one in four dog owners knew the risks associated with putting a collar on their dog.

Places Dogs May Get Caught.

The most commonly reported strangulation-related collar accidents are listed below, in order of frequency:

Fence: This occurs when dogs are peering over, jumping over or digging/crawling under the fence and the collar gets caught.
Play: When dogs play with one another, they typically will mouth at each other’s necks. The dog’s lower jaw and teeth can easily get stuck on another dog’s collar. While they try to free themselves, one dog may suffocate, while the other is left with a broken jaw.
Crate: Statistically, this is just as common as play strangulation; it occurs when the identification tags get stuck in the bars of the crate.http://www.petsadviser.com/behaviors/preventing-dog-collar-accidents/
Branch: While a dog may love romping through the woods, branches can easily snag the collar and strangle the dog, or puncture his neck area.
Heating/Cooling air vents: Like crate strangulation, the hanging identification tags can get stuck in air vents, and while the dog struggles, he ends up doing more harm than good.

Preventing Dog Collar Accidents - Pets Adviser

www.petsadviser.com

Please pass this information on to any pet owners you know ... our fence is secure and the collars are coming off.

Thoughts on a Friday Morning

January 23, 2015
Friday

It's Friday ... the rain has stopped and I am hoping that it dries off enough so I can spread some mulch around in the front rose bed and trim the hedge. I'm itching to get my hands in that new mulch provided by the big trees that were trimmed. Gardening is a way for me to stay fit and, I must admit, I've done a heck of a lot of sitting this winter. It doesn't take long for my upper arms to start looking like bat wings and to huff and puff when I exert much energy. I got out my exercise tape this morning and walked a couple miles. Surprisingly enough, it didn't make me tired and I actually felt more energetic about my day!

Our next "life or death" project is to secure the fence. We stopped at Lowe's on our way back from the city Wednesday and checked out landscape timbers. They are reasonable and will do the trick. In fact, they won't even be noticeable. Kennedy has avoided the fence like the plague since the accident BUT Tuesday he must gotten his courage back because zip(!) under and out he went. Luckily he didn't run away this time. Being a responsible pawrent means keeping my furry kids "inside" the fence!

I have had such a heavy burden on my heart for my country. Judging from all the comments on Facebook, I am not the only one. I must add, I am not worried because I know that no matter what, God's in control. A burden is different ... it's a feeling of heaviness ~ a sadness ~ a yearning that things were different.  It grieves me that so many folks use character assassination rather than looking at the big picture and make excuses for bad behavior/choices. My parents were staunch Democrats and they were very forthcoming about why they believed as they did. I agreed with them and the Democratic platform for many years.

As I grew older, I began to recognize that the Democratic platform had changed and I gravitated more towards the Republican party. Today, I am an Independent and will NOT vote for anyone who I don't believe will bring our country into a better place. I encourage people to do fact checking but have found that people tend to fact check until they find someone who can agree with their own thinking. Human nature...

 I saw a cartoon the other day of some senators and representatives in NASCAR jackets ~ the caption went something like: At least we know who is buying them. Food for thought! Lobbyists have great power but we don't hear much about "them."

So many speak of America as a Christian nation. I, for one, don't think it is anymore ~ the moral compass has changed dramatically and not for the good. President Barack Obama said on June 28, 2006: "Whatever we once were, we are no longer a Christian nation ~ at least, not just. We are also a Jewish nation, a Muslim nation, a Buddhist nation, and a Hindu nation, and a nation of nonbelievers." I believe he spoke truth. We are a melting pot of the good, the bad, and the ugly. In my opinion, we've been too tolerant ignoring the wolves who have infiltrated our government and our country.

I was thinking back to when I was growing up. Not everyone celebrated Christmas but those who wanted to do so could do so openly, joyfully, and anywhere they wanted. Each grade sang songs for the Christmas Party at school ... some were Christian carols, others were like "Jingle Bells." Beautiful music was beautiful music even if you didn't share the particular faith. What was absent were the rap songs with lewd or violent lyrics.

In my childhood days, children weren't thrown out of school and teachers weren't fired for saying, "Bless you," or praying or reading the Bible. One morning a week for a couple hours we had the option of attending a Bible school ~ those that didn't want to go, just didn't. No fuss, no fuming. Teachers hugged children needing hugging and disciplined when warranted. Students and teachers were not allowed to swear, use obscene language, or dress provocatively. Sex education was an hour long class in junior high school. The nurse attended to sick kids and didn't hand out condums or give abortion advice. We didn't have violent video games and, most times, preferred to play outside, read, or create activity. We weren't bored.

In my childhood days, our nation was not saturated with pornography. Turning on the tv meant we wouldn't be subjected to programming that treated promiscuity or sexual dress/undress as normal. Boys were taught to respect women. Faithful marriage was the ideal and the norm. Men worked to support and protect their families and their communities.

In my childhood days, there was crime but drive-by shootings, gang rape, rioting, and looting was virtually unheard of. We safely played outside and walked to school.

Ever think about what it would be like if we were free to have a dissenting opinion without fear of reprisal or being accused of playing the race card? Wouldn't it be great if there would be no victimization industry stirring up animosity over real or imagined wrongs, and demanding reparations or revenge? What if we taught our children, largely by example, to be grateful and generous, rather than self-focused and entitled. Wouldn't it be nice if lying and cheating would not be tolerated? Not in children, adults, and certainly not in politicians, prosecutors, or in sports. What if virtue would be encouraged and rewarded, vice stigmatized, and the definitions not reversed?

As a woman, I am forward thinking, have a sharp business mind, and can do most things a guy can do. I was a single mom for a long while and found that I could multi-task and live on very little sleep. I knew what it was like to give up my own wants so that my children could participate in sports and the activities that they wanted to do. Looking back, I often times wonder how I did all that I did. On the flip side, I am also very feminine, soft, gentle, and very much a romantic soul. I loved every moment of being a wife and stay at home mom when my girls were young. I joined corporate America when my son was small and it was a very painful season for me and for him. Now? Just call me God's lady, traditional, adventurous, family oriented, and fun-loving! I'm in a good place.

My strength (and my character) has come from my faith. I've been called a prude, old-fashioned, too nice, too deep, too predictable, and the list goes on and on. There were times that I wished I could be more ... worldly, but there's always been my core beliefs that have anchored me. I have changed over the years yet my character is the same as it was as a small child. The childhood trauma therapist I saw said, "Truly, God has had a hand on your life." Yes, I think He has.

As I begin my day, I wish you God's richest blessings. I know there are some of you going through some pretty rough times ~ mentally, spiritually, emotionally, financially, physically. No matter what, I pray that you will turn your eyes upward knowing that you matter to the King. Hang in there! It is my prayer that you would remain open-minded and teachable to what He has for you. I will warn you, his ways are not our ways so if you're using your own knowledge, fact check it with the Bible. That can be eye opening ~ it was for me!!

Miss Dottie
PS  "I believe in an open mind, but not so open that your brains fall out." ~Arthur Hays Sulzberger

I absolutely love this quote and think that it is so applicable to what is going on in our lives and country right now. To become so rigid that we are not able to truly "see" is a travesty. Miss Dottie's advice? Take the blindfolds off and march to the tune of our Creator, our Redeemer, our Savior, our King!!

A Windy Thursday

January 22, 2014
Thursday

Dear Readers,

Come on in and let's chat awhile. I was reading in The Promise Study Edition of the Bible this morning. It's an easy read ~ great for folks trying to make some sense out of the thee's and thou's that sometimes can be overwheling and confusing.

The wind is blowing hard enough to knock over my little ones, Harmony, Ruffles, and Finn. I carried them from the cottage to the house for breakfast BUT they walked back and looked like little drunken sailors on the return trip. Sure glad that the trees were trimmed or we'd have a crisis on our hands today with falling limbs!!

My week has been fruitful. I am working my heart's plan and am finding that way is more productive for me. The trees have been trimmed and I am more than ecstatic about the results. Although, my CPAP machine is somewhere between California and Texas, I am choosing to believe that it will arrive when it's supposed to. I've done my part and need to let go of the rest!

Yesterday, we drove in to the city to meet with Dr. Carmody, the orthopedic spine surgeon who has operated on my neck and back numerous times. I thought about going to a surgeon in Waco but every door and window was slammed shut on that idea. Dr. Carmody was voted as one of the top 10 orthopedic surgeons 2014 and I can see why. He and his team are top-notch staying abreast of all the new surgical techniques PLUS offering a sense of personal care second to none. Kudos to Dr. Carmody, Susie, and Randy!!

That being said, Dr. C pulled up my MRI and showed me where my back is crumbling and the stenosis worsening. He talked about my options and we agreed on a plan of action. I will be entering Baylor Frisco on February 19, and he will be fusing the L3-4. Hopefully, I will only have a 2 day stay in the hospital and will be fully recovered in time to work in my gardens come Spring. Believe me, I am looking forward to another season of being pain free and able to sit, stand, and walk without numbness and pain. I am so fortunate, my body heals quickly and, although the surgeries I have endured aren't fun, I choose to walk through the door of more pain for a time to get less pain in the long run.

Hmmm... ever think about that last sentence? So often we need to go through times of pain and darkness to better ourselves and our lives. Addicts have to stop their drugs of choice and go through painful withdrawal to eventually be free of their demons. Divorce is a painful ordeal but sometimes, that separation no matter how painful must be endured if we are to experience a better life. In my own life, I had to be willing to walk through some pretty intensive counseling and uncover the darkness that had kept me from living the life God intended for me. I will never be cured BUT I am using truth and light as a springboard to helping others. If I can, YOU CAN!!

Michael and I talk twice a day ... once before he goes to work for at least a half hour and then, again, when he gets home from work. This morning, we were talking about our families of origin and how we were shaped by our upbringing. Both of us are eldest children; however, he is an only child. I was adventuresome and independent and, in many ways, so was he. For him, as he grew older, his stretching and being a winner, wasn't encouraged. In fact, he was encouraged to play life safe and stick with what he knew. His amiable personality became shaped by others rather than by his own desires and his addiction to pain killers for 30+ years nearly took his life. I, on the other hand, was more stubborn. Tell me "no" and I figured out a way to get to a "yes." Although I am very feminine, I think more like a male ... go figure...

God is good, yes, He is. He has brought people into my life to enrich and encourage me so that I, in turn, can encourage and enrich others. I love learning and have been very picky about who I follow. I am a seeker, open-minded, and a lover of life. I also live the philosophy of "I am second," choosing to follow Jesus and become more like Him. For an independent thinking lady, that has been difficult. Time and time again, He has showed me that if I remain in Him, my life will be filled with serenity and a sense of deep peace. The thing that I like is that "I am choosing" and every morning I have options!!

Miss Dottie

PS "Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is ~ his good, pleasing, and perfect will." ~Romans 12:2 (NIV)

I usually whistle while I work (bad habit that drives some people crazy if they are around me for very long) but today, I am focusing on praying for you, my Readers, and for those on my prayer list. Picture me doing my work, dancing around the cottage declaring God's blessings over your lives! Picture my furry kids barking up a storm (their way of saying AMEN!) and joining me in my celebration of God's goodness. Now, that's a visual!! LOL

Have a wonderful day ... God bless!!

Tending the trees

I think that I shall never see,

A poem lovely as a tree.

A tree whose hungry mouth is prest,

Against the sweet earth's flowing breast;

A tree that looks at God all day,

And lifts her leafy arms to pray;

A tree that may in summer wear,

A nest of robins in her hair;

Upon whose bosom snow has lain,

Who intimately lives with rain.

Poems are made by fools like me,

But only God can make a tree.

~Written by Joyce Kilmer (1886-1918)

January 20, 2015
Tuesday

Dear Readers,

Around the year of 1956, Henry Seidler planted an American Elm tree in the back yard of the home we now live in. Our neighbor, Betty, remembers the day. It was a little bitty thing but Henry had been assured that it would grow quickly and shade the house from the hot Texas sun. He loved working outside and his backyard soon was filled with roses, a partial fence, and a covered patio.

Fast forward to January 2015: That little sapling did grow, towering over the little casa at 50-60 feet in height. Mom Seidler didn't care much about gardening; and, after Henry's passing, years of neglect took its toll. When we made the decision to move to Michael's boyhood home in 2011, everything (the house and yard) needed a face-lift and work began.

I LOVE being outdoors. In fact, I would much rather live outdoors than inside if I could. It took awhile to complete the main house as some of you will remember from my blogs. The wallpaper paste wasn't quite dry in the kitchen when I was outside thinking of how I could turn the garage into my cottage and develop some gardens.

I remember standing on top of the storm shelter surveying what I had to work with. I looked down and the American Elm looked pretty dern pathetic. I wanted to have it taken down and Michael couldn't bear the thought. I understood his "why" and decided to take the two worst things (garage and tree) and make them my focal areas.

While Lupe and his crew started renovating the dilapidated old garage (completed summer 2012) I started digging and planting. This will be my third year of turning a patch of dirt with a tree in the center into a backyard retreat. Funny how a little fertilizer, care, and water helped the old tree get in better shape. It truly developed into a grand tree ~ the bark a light gray is deeply furrowed with scaly ridges ~the wood is hard, heavy, and tough. Did you know that it was once used for the hubs of wagon wheels, the bark for canoes, and for making rope? Just a bit of trivia there!!

No matter how much the tree improved, we've known it was coming to the end of it's life. Its shed branches in storms; and, not too long ago, a branch fell hitting me in the back, knocking me to the ground. All of a sudden we needed to put getting the tree pruned or taken out a priority. I was sad. I didn't want the tree to die ~ I had come to love it as much as Michael did. We tried having it trimmed (you also read about that in a past blog) and the fellow nearly killed himself as well as putting a huge dent in our overhead structure. When the branch hit me, I asked Michael to please find someone reliable to trim or give us advice on what to do.

Michael opened the local newspaper and was led to call the Triple C Tree Services out of Whitney. I think Michael and I both were white knuckled in concern about actually trying again to have it trimmed but, as it turned out, we didn't need to worry at all. Chris and his crew showed up on time and went about doing what they do best. The Pecan Tree in the front yard now has a beautifully shaped canopy that allows for sun to trickle through to the grass below. The American Elm Tree in the backyard looks a little naked but my oh my, I think this is going to help her live as long as I do. Y'all know how I like "pretty" and the old girl is looking svelt!!

I met the most delightful group of gentlemen today and they absolutely put me as ease about what they were going to be doing. Until Carlos had scaled the tree, I really didn't comprehend how big that tree really is. He looked like a little squirrel sitting in the branches ... he had a hard hat on and had a safety rope but still... I sat there watching and taking photos. They worked as a well oiled machine each man knowing exactly what to do to get the job done and to make sure his brother was safe. Carlos said he loved his job and I believed him. They all had smiles on their faces and pep to their step.

The man at the bottom is standing
on the roof of the house
Carlos is up in the tree
Puts the magnitude of this project
into perspective!

Know what I admired the most? They went wayyyy beyond what I expected them to do. I asked if the limbs they were mulching would be good for my gardens and they not only said yes but piled up the shredded wood for me to use. They raked up THE debris my gardens and not a single plant had been destroyed. About 4:30pm, I stood in the center of the back yard surveying the work that had been done. All of a sudden, I had this burst of energy and began trimming back my roses and taking mental notes about what I needed to do to ready everything for the burst of growth that comes with Spring. Since, I have all the mulch I need, my work will be much easier than in years past.

Tonight, I am feeling blessed beyond blessed. I am feeling a little guilty about the loss of the owl nests and disturbing the squirrels BUT I will feel much better taking my furry kids out at night. In fact, I already feel safer in my back yard!

Tonight I watched the President give his State of the Union speech. Don't you wish that truth would be blatantly obvious? All I'm going to say is that I am asking all my Readers to join me in praying for the deliverance of our wonderful country. My heart has been so heavy for so long.

Miss Dottie

PS  "Consider a tree for a moment. As beautiful as trees are to look at, we don't see what goes on underground ~ as they grow roots. Trees must develop deep roots in order to grow strong and produce their beauty. But we don't see the roots. We just see and enjoy the beauty. In much the same way, what goes on inside of us is like the roots of a tree." ~Joyce Meyer

Amen...

A 70 Degree Day in January

January 19, 2015
Monday

Dear Readers,

What a crazy night I had. My furry kids were absolutely at their worst ~ up and down off the bed, growling at each other if one accidentally touched the other, chewing loudly on their bones, and thinking that 4am was breakfast time. Usually, I have 4 furry kids with me in the cottage and last night I had 5. Maybe that upset the apple cart 'cause Toby seemed to be the main instigator.

I'm not sure I got much sleep and am feeling kinda crabby. Coffee sure tastes good and an "Exodus" attitude adjustment was just what Dr. Jesus ordered!!

I am looking forward to working outside today ~ the sun is shining and the 70 degree warmth will feel so good on my bones (and my spirit!). My iris are looking great and roses are starting to show new leaves. The arborist is coming tomorrow at 9am to trim the Pecan Tree in the front yard and the big old tree in the backyard. I am hoping that the weather will stay nice so after they finish, I can get the yard and back patio cleaned up. Right now, it is looking pretty disgusting!

It felt so good to be back in the saddle attending church yesterday. We got there just a few minutes before the service started so had to find different seats (than our usual ones) to sit in. Didn't have much time for visiting (boo, hiss!). My grandson-in-Christ, Branden, had made me a Faith Journal and feather pen and I looked at the last time I was at a service ... December 21 ~ not good. I need that infusion of fellowship with fellow believers, music that stirs my soul, and the messages imparted that seem to be "right on." I've had good excuses for missing, but still...

My friend, Beverly, asked if I would go with her to Burleson yesterday so she could return some jeans. It gave me an opportunity to go to Petsmart and do some research on grain free puppy kibble. I ended up choosing the Wellness brand after reading lists of ingredients on packaging (I'd done some research also on the Internet as well). I got home in time for Finn's night feeding and he loved it. I mixed a little of his old food in it and he snarfed it up. This morning, I decided to go cold turkey and give him 100% Wellness and so far so good ~ all body functions normal! LOL Praying that this change in food will help his tear staining.

Monday is usually my prep day for the week and this week promises to be a busy one. Michael has Tuesday and Wednesday off this week so we've scheduled not only the arborist to come in the morning but also the furnace repair folks (no heat in the casa for a few days now). In the afternoon tomorrow, I go to pick up my CPAP machine in Waco. Hoping for better breathing at night!! Wednesday, I am headed to Plano (north of Dallas) to see my orthopedic doctor and finalize plans to get my L3-4 fused. It looks like there is never going to be a good time to get that taken care of so I am just going to bite the bullet and "get 'er done." I sure want to be in perfect working order before I need to start my Spring work in the gardens!!

Prioritizing ~ life seems to be about prioritizing these days. Michael and I are thanking God for his job and the opportunity to get a bunch of things done that have been needing work. As we are working on our "to do's," we are putting the major things in a "is it life threatening" order. Since the old tree was shedding huge branches that could maim or kill me or the pups, that moved to the head of the list. The electrical needs to come next as the casa is a time bomb waiting to explode. I laugh because some of the things keep getting moved farther down while others pop up and need tending to asap (like our central heat that has gone kaput).

After yesterday's sermon, I realized how important it is that attending church become a major priority to keeping my spiritual soul in good working order. It's called maintenance and improvement! I go to church for an hour and a half a week and am reminded about God's plan and His ways. The rest of my week I watch the news and select TV programs. It doesn't take long to realize that I am being fed more secular stuff than spiritual food. After awhile, the secular world becomes more normal and my spiritual world dimmer. Now, that's not good!! God's ways need to be my ways. I have decided that I will devote as much time soaking in God's light as I do walking in the world. I breakfast on a hot cup of coffee and the Word of God. Most of the time, I lunch alone so I meditate and pray at that time. I dine sumptuously in the evening hours cultivating a palate for the positiveness rather than the negative. If something isn't making me a better person, I am crossing it off my list. POOF gone!

Today, as I go about spending my minutes, I am reminded that God is good ALL THE TIME. I want to be better and ingest the freshness of my world. I cannot live someone else's life, nor should I try. I learned a long time ago, that if I am spending more time trying to change someone else than I am on living God's purpose for me, I've got it all wrong. Be assurred though, I am wrapping my arms around you in prayer ~ especially you, Homer, my brother in Christ. God's got this!! I'm signing off and headed out...

Miss Dottie

PS Meditating on these two quotes today...

"Life is a bowl of cherries. Some cherries are rotten while others are good; its your job to throw out the rotten ones and forget about them while you enjoy eating the ones that are good! There are two kinds of people: those who choose to throw out the good cherries and wallow in all the rotten ones, and those who choose to throw out all the rotten ones and savor all the good ones." ~C.JoyBellC.

"He that walketh with wise men shall be wise:

but a companion of fools shall be destroyed."

~Proverbs 13:20 (KJV)

Who are you walking with?

A Winter Morning...

January 17, 2015
Saturday

Dear Readers,

It's 8:45am and the sun is shining brightly through the french doors of the cottage. I am giggling because the windows are so dirty from the winter winds that the images outside are blurred. Guess what my next project will be today?

I just finished reading Genesis and Joseph has been laid to rest. There is a part of me that wants to go back and re-read his story. In fact, I think I will. Joseph's story is of a man who chose to forgive and bless his childhood tormentors seeing God's hand in the big picture.

"But Joseph told them, "Don't be afraid of me. Am I God to judge and punish you? As far as I am concerned, God turned into good what you meant for evil, for he brought me to this high position I have today so that I could save the lives of many people."
 ~Genesis 50:19-20

I was thinking of how many people I know who have allowed their circumstance to foster bitterness, blame, withdrawal, and anger. If anyone had reason to take revenge, certainly it was Joseph. He had the opportunity, so why didn't he? Because he was convinced that God's hand directed his life and brought good from evil that's why. Simple as that!

As a child, I suffered from neglect and emotional bruising. My innocence was taken from me and seeds were planted in the form of tapes that haunted me for most of my life. That being said, I managed to create a world of joy and a caring for my fellowman and animals. If I had not been a battered wife, I would not have helped establish the first women's shelter in Collin County and counseled other women. If I had not experienced being in an alcoholic family, I would not have discovered, worked, and taught the 12 Step Program. If I hadn't experienced such a wide variety of abuses and heartaches, I would not have sought out training to assist others in the Stephen's Ministry Program. My past molded me and God used my experiences for good.

I remember giving a talk to some battered women one cold winter night. I'd gone to the meeting right after work. One of the ladies stood up and shook her finger at me saying, "You stand there all dressed up in a suit, your nails done, looking so pretty. You can't understand me 'cause you've not walked in my shoes." I walked over to her, put my arms around her and quietly whispered, "Listen to my story... I am a survivor." Another talk I gave was to a men's group at a church in Frisco, TX  ... they asked a lot of questions and at the end of our session, they agreed to band together to be more aware.

"Bloom where you are planted" or as Miss Dottie would say, "Let your light shine no matter what, glorifying the one who sustains you wherever you are." God created me for a purpose and I needed to be born, live, and grow through many different experiences and in many different places. He made me strong, resilient, and (miraculously) unable to carry the burden of grudges. Many times I remember shaking my fist in the air (after an offense) saying, "You WILL NOT take my joy from me!" 

I am having a morning of prayer, cups of wonderful hot coffee, a soaking in the word, and an earful of uplifting music. I am missing my church family and look forward to tomorrow where I can not only be fed but also carry the torch of hope to others. As I close my eyes and continue typing, I can envision my own light and the light of other believers shining brightly in a dark world. Think about this today: would others want to light their lamps from your light? Or, would they see a bitter, miserable, person and run the other way? This I know ~ God has a plan for me and for you!

Miss Dottie

PS  "The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen." ~Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

Sooner or later truth is revealed

January 16, 2015

Dear Readers,

My desk
The past: love letters from my dad to my mom
The present: time
The future: The battle is the Lord's!

A rousing sunny Good Morning to y'all!! Welcome to my world. It's going to be a great day, I feel it in my bones!

Actually, my bones are pretty stiff and sore this morning due to the winter cold. The heat went out in the lil casa during the night and it didn't take long for the house to get pretty chilly! Thank goodness, the cottage has a fireplace ~ kept my furry kids and me snug as bugs in a rug! We are thinking of installing a gas fireplace in the casa if the cost of fixing the heater is too high. Our casa is so small, it wouldn't take much to heat it. Something to think about.

No matter, I am singing the song, Good Morning, and doing my praise dance as I brush my teeth.

"Hear, O LORD, and be gracious to me; O LORD, be my helper." You have turned for me my mourning into dancing; You have loosed my sackcloth and girded me with gladness, That my soul may sing praise to You and not be silent. O Lord, my God, I will give thanks to You forever." ~Psalm 30:10-12

I am one step closer to having my back fusion done. I had wanted to change to a surgeon in Waco and talked with his nurse a few weeks ago ~ they required a referral from my doctor in Hillsboro along with a CD of my last MRI. Welll, talk about a frustrating mess. My doctor (somehow) didn't have the records of my diagnosis from my surgeon in Plano and kept losing my request. It would have been so much easier on Michael if I could have had the surgery done closer to home BUT after praying about the whole situation, I had more of a peace in going back to Dr. Carmody. He's one of the best orthopedic surgeons in the Dallas area and has done all (about 6) surgeries on my neck and back. I trust him explicitly which is important. Anyway, I am going in to see him next Wednesday to schedule the fusion of the L3-4. Sure will be glad to get that behind me so I am set to work in my gardens come Spring!!

Many of you have read the 2010 memoir, THE BOY WHO CAME BACK FROM HEAVEN, written by Alex Malarkey and his father, Kevin. This morning, I read that Alex admitted that the whole experience was a fabrication. To quote Alex: "I said I went to heaven because I thought it would get me attention. When I made the claims that I did, I had never read the Bible. People have profited from lies, and continue to. They should read the Bible, which is enough. The Bible is the only source of truth. Anything written by man cannot be infallible."

Once more, this reminded me of how careful we need to be of zeroing in on an author and taking their word for how God operates and what he says. My tattered and worn Daily Walk Bible has become even more dear to me as the years go by. There are days that I just can't get enough of the words that spring from the pages offering that fresh clean water of life. Man is imperfect, God is perfect!

Personally, I think the reason so many don't read the Bible is that they would be convicted of their sin. Ask yourself, "What would God ask me to change in my life if I followed Him?" I say that, because for so many years I didn't read my Bible, preferring to listen to preachers, and read the works of various authors. First of all, I have had to remember that, like Alex and Kevin Malarkey, authors want to sell books and they are telling their own version of a story. Secondly, I had to admit that there was some sin in my own life that I needed to address.

It was downright humbling and quite embarrassing to stand naked before God and others, stripped of my pride and fig leaves. One cannot be sorry without confessing and making amends ~ another step in my road to recovery ~ a decision of my will that took a long time to do.  I will tell you this, that was so freeing!! Oh, there were some who couldn't forgive me and who have continued to think of me as flawed but that's OK. Yesterday is gone and a new creature has emerged through Christ Jesus. I made a promise to myself to stay in the light, speak the truth in love, and not allow that little girl inside me to be battered any more!! 

Romans 8:1&2 says, "Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has set you free from the law of sin and death..."

This morning I read more of Joseph's story in Genesis 45-47. In Joseph's life, you'll find experiences that nearly everyone identifies with: misunderstanding, mistreatment, unexplainable circumstances seemingly unanswered prayers, and examples of doing the right thing and having it turn out all wrong. When Joseph told his brothers who he was (they had sold him into Egypt as a boy), he said to them: "But don't be angry with yourselves that you did this to me, for God did it! He sent me here ahead of you to preserve your lives." (Genesis 45:5) Can you imagine? Sold by his own brothers, accused of atrocities he didn't commit, thrown into prison ~ the list goes on and on. Joseph CHOSE to remain in God knowing that everything is Father-filtered. His life made him who he was ~ an honest, loving, forgiving, and very wise man! Joseph is one of my most favorite characters in the Bible and I gain precious wisdom every time I read his story.

As you go about your day today, please know that I will be praying for you ~ for stamina, understanding, direction, and grace. I know the troubles and challenges coming before you are sharp as darts sent spiraling towards a target. Some of you are forging ahead. Good for you! Others are thinking about throwing in the towel. Don't! You don't have to do life alone you know. I can empathize with those of you who are private and don't want to air your dirty laundry. I lived that way for more years than I can count. Just remember, those pastors, lay pastors/counselors, therapists, accountability partners, Stephens Ministers ... they've heard it all and aren't there to judge. They are there to extend a hand and walk beside you. 

Miss Dottie

PS  "It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not." ~Andre' Gide

I think that Alex Malarkey would agree with that. To have admitted his folly is commendable. May God bless the next chapter in his life.

When a dream becomes a reality

January 14, 2015

Dear Readers,

It's mighty cold in North Central Texas tonight. I am surprised at how snugly warm the fireplace keeps the cottage. I was concerned about the plank floor being drafty but Lupe insulated and plugged draft holes before laying the boards. If anyone is ever thinking about installing a board floor then painting it, I would say, "Go for it." It's been really easy to keep up ~ worn spots give it that aged appeal that I enjoy.

I have been wanting a candle chandelier for over the claw foot tub ever since the cottage was completed. I had thought about installing an electrical one but knew a candle lit one would add more ambiance. When I went to the Paw Pals Fundraiser Garage Sale, I spied a little chandelier in a corner on top of a box. It didn't have a price tag on it so I asked the lady at the register how much it was. "Is a dollar too much?" I snarfed that puppy up and giggled all the way to the car! My friend, Beverly, thought I was nuts and, obviously, so did the lady at the register. I saw POSSIBILITIES not trash and knew it would be perfect.

Normally, Michael has been having Wednesdays off but had to go in to work this morning. Before he left, I got him to get the hook screwed into the beam above the tub and I started on my project of turning a sow's ear into a silk purse. To make things easy, I decided on just cleaning it up and spray painting it black. I felt sort of silly outside in my nightgown spray painting but, hey, I didn't want to get paint on my jeans. I had gotten some candles yesterday at Walmart so once I got it hung, I put in the candles and lit them. NICE! Better than nice ... PERFECT!!

The cottage has been my adult playhouse ... my woman cave where I could experiment with different design styles, read, pray, and, in general, dance to the tune of my own drum. Right now, it has sort of a farmhouse feel ... a little Country English and a little rustic. I'm a very romantic soul and bask in the sunshine of including the things that make me feel alive and special ... books, music, candles, family mementos, old lace, and whatnots I find along the roadside of life. Someday, I'll add an oriental rug but, for now, my furry kids would just think of it as an oversized wee wee pad! No use tempting them.

Tonight, was the "ta da" night for my project. I put on some music, lit all the candles, poured myself a nice glass of wine, and filled the tub with lots of hot water and had bubbles up to my neck. Ahhh, what a beautiful moment of serenity and specialness. Personally, I think, women need to do more romancing the self and, I think, you will notice me doing more of that in 2015. My spirit has been dried up for too long!!

You know, no prayer goes unheard. As I soaked away my sore muscles and bones, I began to run through my prayer list ... I would look deep into the candles and imagine the angels dancing around me. The walls echoed the beauty of that moment in time and I just knew that as I spoke, Jesus was working behind the scenes. So many times when our prayers aren't answered the way we want them too, we're saddened and disappointed. Just know that that Lord has the big picture and that his ways aren't our ways.

My prayer for a chandelier came with a dollar price tag and a recipe for imagination. It was different than what I thought it should look like but, on completion, it was exactly what I wanted in my heart. My dream became real!!

I was also thinking about Zeke tonight and how much I missed him. I probably will never understand why that accident had to happen ~ all I know is that through his short life, he brought me closer to his foster mom, Laura, AND, he brought joy to my life at a time when I was feeling pretty abandoned. Maybe God knew that Finn was going to need a home. I dunno... When I can't comprehend those tragic times, I just have to say, "The Lord gives, the Lord takes away, blessed be the name of the Lord" (Job 1:21) and leave it at that.

It is late, some of my candles are almost burned out and I am feelin' pretty mellow. My furry kids are snoring away on a blanket in front of the fireplace and, one more day into 2015, I am feeling blessed.

Miss Dottie

PS "Let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier. Be the living expression of God's kindness in your face, kindness in your eyes, kindness in your smile." ~Mother Teresa

I have a sign over my sink in the cottage.  In the morning, it reminds me of how to live ... at night, it keeps me accountable of how I spent my time. Pretty cool, huh?!

Always remember how very much I love you and pray for your every need. Until tomorrow, God give you sweet dreams and bless you abundantly!!