January 26, 2015
Dear God,
I am trying so hard to understand not only the death of Finn but the sum of the events that have been out of my control in my life. Holy Heaven, it seems like I've gotten dealt a whole lot more nastiness than most. Am I feeling sorry for myself? Yes, I guess I am. I keep thinking that pain, heartache, rejection, and death is going to fade away and that joy will not be just for a fleeting moment.
Yesterday, I doubted my faith, I doubted You, and I felt like a whipped dog cowering waiting for the next blow. I cried, I kicked that old black crate, and I shook my fists at Satan. I was angry at You for allowing Finn to die. I could not wrap my arms around the blow that took me by surprise. I could barely get enough energy together to text my family to let them know what happened. I could not speak ... even today, words coming from my mouth are garbled. It is only by your grace that I am able to place my fingers upon the keys of my laptop and hope my words make sense.
This morning, I released the blog I wrote yesterday. I thank my Readers, for the compassion poured out and their words of caring. Pam McC ~ you will never know how much your text meant to me when you said that you had a rescue from Arkansas that I might think about. Just the fact that you would trust me with a precious rescue...well, you know...
Yesterday, I nearly scrubbed the pain off the floor in the cottage. I thought I would tackle the little casa today but I can't. It has been enough to survive the hours. My furry kids are close by and seem to understand. Kennedy has been more vocal than usual with his groans, Toby lays on top of my feet, and the little girls, Ruffy and Harmony, want to be in my lap. We are all grieving in our own way. We're a tight knit group here in Seidler Dogdom and, I know, we will survive but for now, we are remembering a little guy gone too soon.
Lord God, I am surrounded by a garrison of Christian friends who have taken the time to comfort and surround me with prayer. I am realizing that it is so important to have that blessing when all I have is sorrow. When I facilitated women's Bible studies, I used to start my class by bringing all the women together with one standing in the middle. I asked the woman in the middle to try fall down and, Father, she couldn't because of those standing so close. That was my purpose ~ to make sure that those attending my class knew they weren't alone. Personally, I think that should be an initiation rite for families ... each member needs to know they are not alone in times when they feel rejected and can't deal with life's sorrows.
January 27, 2015
Tuesday
I stopped in mid-thought last night and, rather than finish it up, I want to add to it.
My phone (calls and texts) started beeping and quacking before 7am with my family and dear friends reminding me that they were coming alongside me. With each message, I felt your love being infused into my being and, I thank You and them, too!
Lord God, I want to carry the torch in educating pet owners about the dangers of dog collars (with/without tags). My daughter, Jane, is now removing the collars from her three Corgis when they are in the house. My daughter, Jill, said Daisy never wears her collar inside. For the many who have read my blog about Finn's tragedy, I KNOW they will think about their own use of dog collars. If what happened to Finn can save other dogs then there will be a purpose to his short life.
It is a beautiful day. Michael is off work and was going to help me outside. He is thinking we should take a day trip and feel the warmth and beauty surrounding us. Maybe he is right.
Prayer has been such a huge part of my life for so long and for a couple days, I knew the Holy Spirit was interceding on my behalf. Today, dear Lord, I want to begin anew. I want to pray for the safety of all dogs put in crates with their collars on. I want to pray for the pet owners who have experienced similar senseless tragedies. Oh, I know, some will say, "They are just dogs..." Well, yes, they are ~ BUT, they are also our furry kids who make us smile and give us a sense of purpose in caring for them. I woke up also thinking about Miss Vivian today and countless others who are battling cancer and other illnesses. Be with them, showering them with your love and peace. Give an extra measure of patience to their caregivers who experience frustration and burn-out. And, Father, if you could, please send us another little Finn to brighten our days! Amen, it is so!!
Miss Dottie
NOTE TO READERS: The grief process is predictable yet a road so hard to walk. Sometimes, I think there should be benches at each step where we can sit awhile and truly experience what we need to to move onward. Sometimes I think I've moved forward when, in reality, I've made a U-turn and circled back. I was half-asleep this morning when I was sure that I heard Finn's little bark. Then, I remembered...
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