I'll Love You Forever

May 21, 2015
Thursday Evening

Dear Readers,

I started writing this blog yesterday, and just couldn't... My therapy dog, Kennedy, sits by my side tonight licking my salty tears when they fall. What would I do without Kennedy? Somehow, he just understands... Gonna put my fingers on the keyboard and see how the good Lord is going to speak blog form!

You can call me goofy, but when Zeke was murdered by a truck (the driver didn't stop and I was standing right there), and a couple months later, Finn hung himself in his crate by his dog tags, I thought I wasn't going to be able to breathe much less walk through the darkness of loss. To even begin to talk about the unfairness of loss is still painful.

Today, my dear friends Brad and Diane would have been welcoming their grandson, Kasen. Kasen's stillbirth still haunts them. I've lost grandchildren and I "get" their pain. As I was praying for them these words came before me:

Today I'll love you forever,

I'll like you for always,

as long as I'm living

my baby you'll be.

You'll probably recognize those words from Robert Munsch's children's book, LOVE YOU FOREVER. I've bought several books as gifts and you may have as well.

To recap, the book starts out with a mother rocking her newborn baby. From there the baby grows into a toddler, a caked with dirt boy, a teenager, and eventually, a husband and father with a baby of his own. I really didn't know the story behind the book which was written as a song for the author's two stillborn babies. To quote Mr Munsch:

"I made that up after my wife and I had two babies born dead. The song was my song to my dead babies. For a long time I had it in my head and I couldn't even sing it because every time I tried to sing it I cried. It was very strange having a song in my head that I couldn't sing.

For a long time it was just a song but one day ... it occurred to me that I might be able to make a story around the song.

Out popped LOVE YOU FOREVER, pretty much the way it is the book."

When I thought about I LOVE YOU FOREVER and knew the background I saw it in a new light. It's about the love that persists beyond time and space and an ode to those parents and grandparents who never had the chance to rock their babies and grandbabies.

I talked awhile last Sunday with Brad and Diane, and knew it was going to be a tough week for them. The loss of a child is unexplainable and grief cannot be measured or hurried. I have looked towards the skies and said, "Little ones, this is grandma, I will be seeing you soon in Heaven ... until then, just know how much I love you."

There is something about the creation of new life that sends me to the moon with the deepness of love that cannot be explained. As a Bible-believing Christian, I believe in the sanctity of life. I believe that each soul is created for a purpose.

Psalm 139:12-14 says, "Even the darkness is not dark to You, And the night is as bright as the day. Darkness and light are alike to You. For You formed my inward parts; You wove me in my mother's womb. I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Wonderful are Your works, And my soul knows it very well..."

We are chosen for a particular God-given purpose ~ yes, even the stillborn have purpose. When I am deep in sorrow, I think about Job ... "Naked came I out of my mother's womb, and naked shall I return thither. The Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord." Job 1:21

In my brokenness in the deep pits of life, how could I possibly trust and praise my Lord? Praise God for pain and loss??? Oh that's a tough one. Do I have a choice? Of course I do. The loss of a loved one leaves such a hole and the scars are always there. Those that grieve deeply, love deeply ... simple as that. I wouldn't want to be any other way. I know Brad and Diane wouldn't want to be any other way either.

Father God in heaven, I pray for all those affected by stillbirths and miscarriages. I pray that your love would be poured out upon them! I especially pray for those mothers and fathers whose homes are empty without the laughter of children ... for those grandparents who feel the loss of children, grandchildren, and great~grandchildren. Help us to recognize the tear in the eye of the grieving. For those not knowing what to do or say? Sometimes, just a hug and "I care" means a lot. God, let us not become complacent, selfish, and hard-hearted. I pray for comfort and the thoughts of beautiful memories, the chance for even a moment to say hello. Jesus take the wheel of your people who are struggling. Sometimes, we hang on for dear life when we should be doing what we can then allowing You to take over. As I look upwards into the misting rain, I know there will be a rainbow ... You promised! Amen, dear Jesus, Amen!

Miss Dottie

PS "Some people say it is a shame. Others even imply that it would have been better if the baby had never been created. But the short time I had with my child is precious to me. It is painful to me, but I still wouldn't wish it away. I prayed that God would bless us with a baby. Each child is a gift, and I am proud that we cooperated with God in the creation of a new soul for all eternity. Although not with me, my baby lives." ~~Christine O'Keeffe Lafser, An Empty Cradle, a Full Heart: Reflections for Mothers and Fathers after Miscarriaage, Stillbirth, or Infant Death.