4th Step Reveal

Tuesday
June 20, 2017

Dear Readers,

We had quite a little summer storm yesterday. My gardens loved that Heavenly nourishment and I didn't have to haul hoses around. Yay! Today, the sun is peeking out from under the clouds and I expect my flowers will be blooming like crazy.

What we see, hear, and experience is etched forever in our minds. What we choose to allow before us and in us makes the difference between leading a life for Christ or a life for the world. Satan is quite the deceiver playing on our emotions and leading us down paths that seem true, innocent and right when, in reality, the destination is death.

Most of my friends are believers. These people keep me prayed up, encouraged, and, when necessary, confront me in love. Since I am a work in progress, I need constant infusions of wisdom to help me grow and flourish. I choose my advisors carefully.

Last Fall, I decided to rejoin Alanon to work on some issues that had been bothering me for several years. My tendency was to beat myself up, take blame for literally everything, and end up feeling not good about myself. Steps 1, 2, and 3 were no brainers. I was anxious to complete a 4th Step (personal inventory) and the Lord brought a woman into my life with over 30 years of successfully working the program. (I knew this was a God thing because one week I prayed about this and the next week, she walked right up to me and gave me an invitation!) I set forth on my journey to list all my fumbles and faults and was prepared to spend the rest of my life making amends. My sponsor promptly reminded me that an inventory also included the good in my life. Uh...okay...

It was painful to write down all the stuff that I remembered from birth and I had to stop half-way just to rest my heart and mind. My sponsor (actively) listened and gently pointed out patterns. I completed the second part of my inventory then we talked again. Afterwards, we walked into the very back of my gardens, dug a hole, and burned the tear stained pages. We held hands lifting all that cesspool of misery up to the Lord, burying the ashes at the foot of a little cross I had placed on the ground. I felt as though a ten ton weight was lifted from my shoulders and I smiled from the inside out. I haven't stopped smiling!

4th Step Reveal: As a Christian, I took the words written in Luke 6 to heart...

"...bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you."

I understood that God's ways were indeed sound. Jesus did turn his other cheek in the sense that He was not vengeful nor did He pay evil for evil. That I could grasp. That was the easy part for me. The tough part was to understand that to speak up for myself was not selfish or bad. I was worthy of the same consideration given others.

It hurt like hell to realize how fractured my relationships were. It hurt like hell to stop the bleeding and insanity; and, it hurt like hell to recognize the severe dysfunction around me as well as my own frayed thinking.

I needed to be reminded that I was and am an imperfect human being fully worthy of grace and forgiveness. I needed to be reminded of all the good that I had poured out into my family and those walking on the road of life with me.  I needed to step out of my "unworthy" role and regain a sense of my identity in Christ. 

To shed the old has been more difficult than I ever imagined. I need a daily dose of the cocktail of reality, direction, and Godly wisdom, as well as relationships that edify and encourage.

Ask and ye shall receive (Matthew 7:7). I have such a kind Heavenly Daddy. He has placed some of the most loving people I could ever imagine to envelop me in kindness. Not too long ago, I had someone stand up for me and I was shocked. I don't think I've ever experienced that before. I was dumbstruck and didn't know how to respond. Truth be known, I felt sort of guilty. My flawed thinking readjusted itself to say, "thank you."

Today, I want to pray for those who take on burdens that weren't meant for them to carry ~ guilt, shame, misplaced embarrassment. I pray that they would rise up from the ashes and take their places in the Hall of the King. Lord, send your mightiest angels to usher them into the light of truth and dignity of purpose. Stifle the words of the evil one who would seek to destroy and maim the hearts who are fractured. I pray for strength and courage for the seekers who, like me, are daring to question roles that are assigned and perpetuated from year to year. I pray for the mending of the souls who have been damaged by the words and actions of others. I pray for unity of head and heart and a knowledge of God's plan for his chosen ... his people. I pray for paths to light up and for doors to open allowing those seeking truth to enter. I pray for FREEDOM from oppression and that your servants would find purpose in truth. Amen.

Always in Christ's Love, Miss Dottie

PS To love is to offer God's greatest blessing to others. To receive love is so savor the most delicious dessert life has to offer. Yum!