Psychotic Break, Part II

Thursday
June 15, 2017

Dear Readers,-

"Recovery begins from the darkest moment."

~John Major''

   

It's another day ... a blank slate upon which I am (hopefully) able to make a smidgen of difference in someone's life. I am but an instrument to carry God's encouragement to those who might be traveling on the same road.

Last night, I was reading in the book of Jude (last book before Revelation in the Bible). It's a book not talked about much but has so much meat in just a couple pages and ends with the most poignant prayer:

"Offer praise to God our Savior because of our Lord Jesus Christ! Only God can keep you from falling and make you pure and joyful in his glorious presence. Before time began and now and forevermore, God is worthy of glory, honor, power, and authority. Amen." ~Jude 24,25)

It is with that prayer, I continue my story.

When I left you last, I was in my hospital room recovering from the back surgery I had on January 10. My stint in the ICU was longer than I remember ~ thank goodness for trauma memory loss.

My recovery after that first surgery, was filled with pain and the numbness of "is this really happening?" Dr C had talked with my family about what transpired during my surgery but it wasn't until several days later that I was lucid enough to understand. When Dr C stood at the foot of my bed, his face took on a sadness I'd never seen before. He was honest and was forthcoming about what I was facing. He took full responsibility for what happened and was able to explain it to me in terms I understood. Strangely enough, I didn't feel a sense of panic because I knew that whatever happened, I was in the Lord's hands and no matter what, I was going to be okay. My words to him were, "How do we fix this? And, let's get on with it." 

So, what happened? During my surgery, a sac near the spinal cord was nipped. Dr C and his team repaired the nip but it didn't hold. If I got out of bed, I got excruciating headaches ... if I got back into bed, the headaches went away (these are known as spinal headaches).

There were nerves hanging out of the sac that had been nipped and those nerves couldn't be calmed by pain medicines. The pain was brutal and, at times, I begged my family to allow me to die. I used every method I knew to use "mind over matter" to withstand the sheer agony that wracked my body. Imagine putting your hand in a light socket and not being able to remove it.

Dr C sent in another surgeon to assess my situation and tests were scheduled to determine the severity of the damage. Dr C's team was put on standby for immediate action. 

By the grace of God, I was able to teach the nurses and techs how to move me on to a gurney then on to a table for a CAT Scan then stand for xrays. Again, only by the grace of God was the technician able to get a clear picture of the exact damage to the sac and nerves. Normal procedure was tossed out the window ~ what was important was the end result. There was something inside my human spirit of survival that kicked in giving me an extra measure of strength and the ability to not cave in under the pain.

Special technicians and doctors were called in to read my tests and I returned to my room. It wasn't but a few minutes and Dr C appeared and said, "It's go time." He was giving orders to nurses and my room became a hub of frenzied activity. I only had time to telephone Michael and I was on my way to the OR.

I was taken back to ICU after my surgery (this time the surgery was a huge success) and, once again, I experienced another psychotic break. This time my hallucinations weren't those of a demonic attack ... just sheer craziness and out of reality thinking. Before long, I begged to be taken back to my regular room with a window. They were kind of iffy about it but I can be pretty stubborn and convinced Michael to plead my case. My recovery was different in that now the pain medication was controlling the pain and I was able to be up and about fairly quickly. Believe me, I was doing the Happy Dance!

Since I was a small child, my way of dealing with trauma has been to shut it out and pretend it didn't happen. My pollyanna world saved me then and, it served me well during this trying time. The hospital and staff where I had my surgery was wonderful and I have nothing but good things to say about them. When I went into surgery, I knew the risks and, darn it, I drew a bad card. Yet, even then, God worked this glitch out not only for my good but for other surgeons who might experience this same complication.

I am grateful that my family was there to support me during my hospital stay. In those times that I had the horrific nerve pain, it was comforting to be able to cling to them and just bawl my eyes out. Even little Harmony came to visit me in the hospital. Boy! Was she ever the talk of the surgical floor. All good...

The big day came when Dr C said I could head home. The nurses tucked pillows all around me for my 2 hour ride and loaded me up on heavy duty pain meds. I slept and the ride south was uneventful. I remembered all the tips about rolling over in bed and getting out of bed from my last surgeries so I felt pretty prepared. I got home on a Friday after a 2 week hospital stay and Home Health came out on Saturday.

While I was in the hospital, my every need was met in every area. I was hooked up to so many machines that if I sneezed or turned over wrong, someone came running. I had family there as moral support; and, by howdy, I felt strong going out those doors. Little did I know that I would be facing some of my biggest challenges. More on that in my next blog.

My prayers today go out to those who face complications from surgery. It's a rare thing that those oops occur but when they do, it can be devastating not only for the patient but for the family as well. Father God, I thank you that we have such amazing hospitals and doctors in this country to care for us. I ask that you favor those men and women who give of themselves each and every day. I pray for new horizons to open up in spinal surgery making life good again for so many who deal with neck and back issues. I pray for an extra measure of strength and patience for caregivers. Their kindness and support is paramount for patients pre and post surgery. Amen!

Always in Christ's Love, Miss Dottie

PS  Out of the depths of pain, some of the most amazing strides have been made in medicine and in the establishment of groups to aide those afflicted. The Stephens Ministry Program is a great example as well as AA, Alanon, and others. To walk alongside is not to enable but to offer support and encouragement. If you know of someone who is going through recovery of any kind, I hope you will be there to offer that hands on kind of love.