Life's not fair, is it... My cousin, Barbara, commented on my blog about Sadie yesterday sharing that it was the day of her husband's funeral. She clings to the hymn, "Because He Lives." I know the song well and when I played it on UTube, it gave me such comfort today. Thank you, Barb! I decided to put it on the top of my blog so that you could listen to it while you read my final blog of the year.
"Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal."
~From an Irish headstone
No words I can write will ease the pain and feeling of hopelessness that has overtaken my days. I want Sadie to live. What I want is "self" centered but there comes a time when one must think beyond "self." Hopelessness is a good adjective to explain what I am going through. It's a feeling I've had when my parents passed, my in laws passed on, and relationships didn't work out ~ when circumstances were beyond my control. Today is the last day of 2013. It's been a tough year with some good stuff sprinkled in. Believe me, I am looking forward to 2014 and will eat my black eyed peas at midnight!! January began with the loss of Mom Seidler. It's been a year of grieving and missing her. She was such a wonderful part of our lives and my memories are all sweet when I think of her.
The wonderful warm weather in February birthed new gardens in the back yard. It was a wonderful way of working through grief and getting fit at the same time.
March offered:
Trips to Bonnie's Nursery with Beverly
Easter with the Anderson Family
In April we opened our home and hearts to Kennedy, a precious Chi-Pom rescued by Recycled Poms.
Kennedy Adopted April 28, 2013
May
A bonding of the pack
May 13, 2013 Zeke adopted
Trip to Calvert, TX
June
Storms rolled in
Trip to Cameron Park in Waco, TX
Zeke became our miracle baby weathering serious illness
June 14, 2013 Ruffles adopted
June 14, 2012 Harmony Jane adopted
Zeke attends his first art showing
July
4th of July Celebration Hillsboro, TX
Antiquing Trips
Harmony fought so hard to overcome allergies and asthma
August
Blog book for 2012 was published. Yay!
Zeke & Michael enjoying a rest inside a wonderful log house!
September
Grandparents Day at Zachary's school
Grandparent's Day at Nicholas's school
Love to watch my grandsons play baseball!
October ~ the wonderful colors of Fall
November
Let's play ball!
That first place trophy looks mighty good!
So much to be thankful for!
December
Ice storms hit hard!
Christmas Eve at the Rock Church outside Cranfills Gap
Christmas Day lunch at the Crains.
A day at the Kimbell Art Museum with Rica and Beverly
New beginnings and goals for the New Year
Favorite Memories: Visit by my grandsons in August. OMG, my heart was full!!!
Nicholas loves Harmony!
Fun at Hobby Lobby. Zachary said shopping was great ~ Nicholas said it gave him a headache! LOL
Brotherly love!
Graffiti in the storm shelter
Cameron Park Zoo
Those alligators look harmless?
What else can I say? I've had quite a year. Tomorrow I will have a clean slate on which to chart my course in life. Several days ago, one of my high school classmates passed away from a heart attack while shoveling snow. (RIP Dan Kvitek) He was looking forward to our class reunion coming up in September 2014. It reminded me that no matter how we look forward to events, we have no guarantees. TODAY is important and I am going to pack all I can into my minutes!! Always remember you are loved and prayed for ... YA YOU ... every one of you!! Miss Dottie PS "Though no one can go back and make a brand-new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand-new ending." ~Carl Bard
December 30, 2013 There are times that life takes a wicked turn and, as an adult, I have to step up to the plate whether I want to or not. The past few days have really sapped my energy and brought forth tears I didn't even know I had in me. I have appreciated the kind words and prayers sent my way and must lean on the Lord to carry me though the next couple weeks and beyond. My beloved Scottie, Sadie, is facing the end of her life and I am fighting it tooth and nail. It doesn't help to say that she's lived a good life and life goes on. I've been praying for a miracle in her life and even now, I find myself bargaining with God.
Sadie was an anniversary gift to Michael and I in August 2003. She was an even-tempered puppy, easy to house train, and got along well with our Pomeranian, Khelsea. She loved our grandsons, was friendly to everyone she met and the groomers called her "Miss Sweetness." She loved walks and trips to Lowe's and Home Depot. When given a treat, we would say, "Gentle," and she would gingerly accept her tasty morsel. We doted on her and she was a faithful companion.
Several years ago, Sadie's health began to deteriorate. First she developed severe allergies to grass and flea bites resulting in some difficult summers. She loved Winter and thrived in the cold. We would laugh as she romped through the snow and tried to taste the flakes falling. We tried keeping her inside as much as possible ~ tough, as she LOVED to be outside doing what Scotties do best ... hunting!
When we moved to North Central Texas (about a year and a half ago), Sadie loved having a big yard to run in. There were squirrels and rabbits to hunt and she and Toby would spend hours playing. She developed thyroid problems and liver counts (?) ... well, let's just say they weren't good. When her itching/scratching nearly drove her nuts, we would head for the vet and he would give her shots and medications to help with her symptoms. We also gave her a flea pill. One day, she and Toby were playing with a toy and Sadie attacked him. I reached down to separate them and Sadie grabbed my hand. If you know anything about Scotties, they have an iron clad jaw. My neighbor took me to the ER and Michael took care of the dogs before heading to the hospital.
We began to be more careful, buying dental bones rather than toys, and carefully monitoring her illnesses. Each time she had severe flare-ups and had to have Prednisone, she would react poorly. Without the meds, she struggled. It was a vicious circle. We reached a point last Spring where she was very stable and had the temperament she was famous for. We monitored her heart, gave her flea meds, heartworm meds, thyroid meds, and liver support. She and Toby were fast friends again and we breathed a sigh of relief.
It was at that point when we decided to adopt our rescues Kennedy, Zeke, Harmony, and Ruffles. Sadie loved them all watching them play and protecting them. Life was manageable and good. Late Summer, Sadie began to feel quite poorly ... blood tests showed her liver getting worse and her allergies were attacking with a vengeance. We got new meds and a special shampoo ~ nothing helped ~ she cried as she would rub her back on any chair that would offer relief. Her sores opened and she became cranky ~ she pulled out her fur by the mouthful. Sadie wasn't herself ~ she was miserable. A week or so ago, out of the blue, Sadie attacked Kennedy and Harmony. I was right there to break up the altercation but it scared me to death. I took Sadie in to the vet and we spent a good deal of time discussing a plan of action. Sadie would be fed separately and would sleep apart from the other dogs. She would not be left alone with them even outside. Michael and I discussed Sadie's medical conditions and her changing moods. We agreed to team up to protect each of our furry kids yet minister to Sadie as well. Last Friday, I joined a couple gal pals for a trip to the Kimbell Museum in Fort Worth. On the way home, I got a phone call from Michael asking how soon I would be home. His voice sounded strange but I attributed that to trying to hear him in a moving vehicle. When I walked in the door, he was sitting in the living room with a washcloth on his right hand ~ he was pale as a ghost. Sadie had turned on Harmony first, tossing her across the room. She then grabbed Kennedy. As Toby tried to protect Kennedy, she turned on him. Michael was trying to separate Toby and Sadie when Sadie bit his hand. When he screamed, she let go. We knew, we just knew, that we needed some serious intervention. The next day, we spent two hours at the vet's office. We took Harmony in for a complete check-up (and to see about her fur loss). Thank God she is a tough old broad and is doing fine. (We get the results of her thyroid test today) We spent most of the time consulting about Sadie: her health issues, medications, aggression, and changing moods. Dr. Young was quite frank with us, giving us every "fact" then addressing the emotional side of being an owner of a dog that was becoming more and more aggressive. He was caring when he needed to be caring and quite solemn in reminding of our responsibility of having an aggressive dog. Bottom line was that as her medical conditions were getting worse, her behavior was becoming erratically dangerous. Tearfully, we decided that it would be best to end Sadie's misery. We had loved her unconditionally hoping for a miracle as she moved into her senior years. We celebrated when she had good days and comforted her when she was miserable. Because Sadie had bit Michael pretty severely, Texas law mandates that a dog be held for 10 days before euthanasia. Dr. Young has given Sadie some medication to sedate her and keep her quiet. Dr. Young and Dr. Arnold are on call if we need them. I wish there was something he could give me because every time I look at her and hold her, I burst into tears.
I guess I could have kept this all quiet but maybe there's another person out there who has gone through this or will. I second guess myself thinking, "She's so quiet now, maybe the aggression is gone." Then, I look at Michael's hand and feel the punctures on Kennedy, Harmony, and Toby and know that this has to be done. In a week, Sadie will cross Rainbow Bridge and we will celebrate the dog we've loved and cherished for over 10 years. Every day with her is tough because I know what's coming. As I type, tears fall on to my computer and sobs wrack my body. Oh, God, I have prayed, take this from me. Normally, I would end my blog by saying that I am loving and praying for you, Readers. This time, I am asking that you love me and pray for me in this time of sadness and grief. Miss Dottie PS "Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim." ~Vicki Harrison
Hey Mom, how would this work for a Christmas bath?? ~Zeke
December 29, 2013 Dear Readers, Christmas blew in and flew out so quickly this year. Maybe because Thanksgiving came so late in November ~ I just didn't feel the merriment like in year's past. Several weeks ago now, I had a wonderful conversation with a friend about being a Christian and Christmas. She had me doing some research and along with the research came some deep soul searching and deciding how I would spend my time and resources this Christmas. First of all, I decided to stay within my means and not charge one single Christmas gift this year. I am a giver and it was tough when I would see things that my family would enjoy. I felt really (almost) guilty when what I could purchase seemed so meager.
Secondly, it was important to me to make a trip to the old Norwegian Lutheran Church (located close to Cranfills Gap, TX) for Christmas Eve services. I was not disappointed. Because it was a distance from our home, we left early and enjoyed a beautiful drive looking at the hills chisled out of rock and all the ranches and marveled at the history of this area. I could just imagine what the Norwegian settlers felt and saw as they traveled through the countryside ... such beauty!
We arrived at the church in time for the first service to be dismissed. As soon as we got out of the car, we could hear the organ belting out the hymns of old. It was fun to people watch ... Texas gentlemen tipped their hats greeting others with "A Merry Christmas!" I've not seen so much western wear in quite some time! I was right at home in my boots, sweater, and long skirt. There were others that were more Norse (fun to hear the accents!). We walked around the grounds waiting for the church bell to call us to service. What an inviting sound!!
Notice the stairs behind the organ that lead to the bell tower!
The kerosene lamps were filled and candles lit at the altar and on window sills. It had grown quite chilly outside but once the church filled up we were toasty warm. The wood burning stove and candles (no electricity in the church) brought us back to 1886. We sang, prayed, and joined holy hearts worshiping a king born in a manger. My heart was so filled with peace, love, and joy that I could hardly contain myself. We knelt at the altar, breaking bread dipped in wine before departing into the cold night air.
We left the warmth of the church and walked outside to darkness made light by the candlelit lanterns that lined the driveway. I walked to the car and looked back at the church. The beauty of those small lamps gave off such a twinkle ~ an invitation to return and go inside. We drove off down a little graveled road back to electricity and modern conveniences. I could not help but wish we could have stayed for the last service as well.
I heard the bells this Christmas and oh what a song they sang. They stirred my soul with voices like angels singing, "Peace on earth, goodwill to men." The church gave us a Christmas gift ... a beautiful handpainted ornament. Every ounce of loneliness and saddness inside of me gave way to a feeling of contentment and wholeness. Ah yes, it was a Christmas Eve that I will remember for many years to come.
When we got home, I made us a light Christmas Eve supper and we watched "It's A Wonderful Life." I love to watch this classic each year with my family. A perfect ending to a perfect day.
Beverly, Rica, Don, Miss Dottie
I guess we all go through different seasons in our lives and it is best to embrace each celebrating it's uniqueness. For many Christmas is a time of loneliness; for others it's a time of family get-togethers and gaity. I've experienced both and, I must say, I would prefer the merriment of family to sitting by the fire alone. Maybe this Christmas was calling me to get back to my roots of a time when the focus was simply the beauty of worship and the importance of spending time with special people. To top Christmas off, my friends Beverly and Don invited us to a wonderful Christmas Day lunch. Great food, wonderful conversation, and friends!!
As the New Year approaches, I am thinking forward. It is no surprise to the Lord that I am where I am; and, I know I have work to do here. I knew that when we discussed the move and, sadly with all the hoopla of getting settled, I got off course. This morning, I took out my new journal and began to write down my course of action starting with today!! Why wait til January 2014??!! Always remember, my dear dear readers, that you are loved and prayed for ... YA YOU!! Miss Dottie PS "With the new day comes new strength and new thoughts." ~Eleanor Roosevelt
