A Time for Watering...

Friday, April 27, 2012

TGIF!!  Woo Hoo!  I got up with the chickens this morning and drove Michael to Providence Hospital in Waco for a CT scan. He had to drink this nasty stuff before the scan and during. Good news ... he survived the ordeal. The hospital was quite nice. We did miss the VIP treatment that Baylor offers though... We were spoiled in so many ways living in a big metroplex... We're back home now ... he wasn't feeling very good so is in napping. Hope that Dr. Gazi can find out what's causing all his digestive issues. Not fun to be sick most of the time. I took the dogren outside so that he wouldn't be bothered by their bouncing up and down on him!

Good Golly Miss Molly, it's watering time!  I was hoping that we would get some rain and I wouldn't have to haul my hose around but no such luck.  It does give me a chance to check my plants over and see which ones are in distress.  I think I'm going to have to move some plants so they get more sun.  My shade plants are growing like weeds despite all the pesky snails I saw around them.  Maybe I could gather them up, paint them and take them to a pet store??!!


As I wandered through the garden with my hose, I thought about how much plants are like people and relationships.  If I see a plant wilted and yellow and don't do anything, next week the plant will probably be worse off.  If it isn't tended to then, guess what?  I will have a dead plant on my hands and nothing I can do will bring it back to life.  To procrastinate when you know something is amiss is to invite a downslide...

Last Fall, I planted some no frost gardenias.  They were doing pretty good and I was thinking that I'd hit a home run.  Today was a different story.  I walked up to the first one and thought ... you're doing pretty good, I'll just give you a good drink of water.  I turned around to gaze upon the other four and thought ... holy cow, what's wrong with you guys??!!  They were wilted, had yellow leaves, and were looking pretty sad.  I watered them then moved on to the next plants.  All of a sudden, I stopped in my tracks and looked back.  If I didn't do something besides water, they weren't going to make it.  I ran to the storm shelter where I keep my gardening stuff and got some Ironite.  I sprinkled it around the plants, said a prayer over them and once again, moved on.  I will check them every day to see how they are doing.  As a gardener, I will check the Internet for advice and do everything in my power to help them along and survive.  I said "in my power" because some plants just flat out don't make it no matter what I do.

I think so many times we take the relationships in our lives for granted.  We look but don't see, our ears take in words but we don't hear.  Yes, we might notice a slight distancing but we move on telling ourselves that we'll address it tomorrow.  Tomorrow never comes and one day ... POW!  We experience the death of a friendship, a parent, a child, a marriage, a job...  We tell ourselves we never saw it coming and scurry about trying to make amends, trying to get back what we had...  Sadly enough, without regular checkups, watering, fertilizing, and attention, we loose the very relationships we cherish.  We grieve for what once was and beat ourselves up telling ourselves, "I wish I would have __________."

Busy bees aren't we?  We scurry to and fro keeping track of things that don't really matter in the long run.  We store up money for retirement forgetting that life needs to be enjoyed each and every day.  We collect and hoard ... "I'll need that someday."  We need to remember that our time on earth is temporary.  What we have will return to dust ... two generations from now, no one really even remember who we were.  Sad, isn't it... 

I truly believe that relationships are God's gift to us.  What we do with them is our gift to God.  I'm not one to have a lot of acquaintances.  I like to really know people ... what makes them tick ... what makes them smile.   Sometimes people are in my life for a season and that's okay.  A few weeks ago, a friend I used to work with stopped by the house before we moved.  I took one look at Tamikka, and we hugged and had tears.  Oh gosh, I realized how very much I missed her.  We used to get together at noon and have Bible Study.  We shared our pains and trials and made the most of that time together at GAIC.  What happened?  That division shut down and relationships were interrupted by lay offs.  I'm so glad for that time though and she will always have a special place in my heart.  (Giggle) Tamikka introduced me to wigs and to trying different hair styles ... she's had a big part in the transformation in my mind!!

Water ... hydration ... life.  How about doing a little watering and tending of your relationships this weekend?  Maybe it's time for a checkup and a little fertilizing?!  God willing, I am headed north tomorrow to watch my grandsons play baseball.  We'll hug and fuss over each other then they'll head out to play.  I'll whoop and cheer and they'll give me high fives.  Afterwards, we'll head out to celebrate their personal bests and maybe even share an ice cream.  When I head south towards dusk, I'll be bursting at the seams with memory making moments of a day well spent!

Miss Dottie

PS  If someone isn't watering you, water yourself!!  Take time to smell the roses and do something special.  How can you "bloom where you are planted" if you're parched, eaten up with pests, and sagging into your roots??  On that note, Toby is pestering me ... he's hot, dry, and needing a big bowl of cold refreshing water!!

Movin' and a Groovin'

Thursday, April 26, 2012

Well, hello to you, my Readers!  The birds are squawking all around me.  Mr. Robin decided to take his bath in the fountain next to the patio.  I was watching him do his movin' and a groovin' in the water.  He would sit on the edge then move into the water ... he'd flutter his wings and sing a song ... he would hop up and down making little splashes!  I laughed.  It brought back memories of when I lived in Frisco.  I loved to do my gardening then jump into the pool to cool off ... with an eight foot board on board fence around the backyard, I didn't need to be concerned about who would be watching me and saying how silly I looked.

The animals and birds in nature are so free.  They just do what comes naturally.  Children are like that too, they just are ... they love unconditionally and show their real feelings.  Have you seen those baby videos where the baby moves and grooves to music?  They are hilarious!!  Children entertain us and amaze us...

When my first daughter was born, I would sit for hours waiting for that first smile, that first laugh, that first word...  I hung on to her every movement just looking at her.  She was the most beautiful baby I'd ever seen.  I pinned her blankets around her so she wouldn't get smothered and guarded her like a hawk.  She sat up, I clapped ... she spit out her first words, I called everyone I knew.  Coonskin cap and all, she moved and grooved to her own music of life and I was putty in her little hands.  When my second daughter was born, I started all over being in awe ... this little blond was demure ... a girly girl.  She swirled around the room movin' and a groovin' in her prissy slip, lace panties and socks.  Oh gosh, then came my son ... the girls looked at him for hours and so did I.  I'm not sure his feet touched the ground til he was almost one!!   I learned quite quickly that little boys are different than little girls ... his movin' and a groovin' was done with a ball (any kind) in his chubby little fists.  If you're a mother you know what I'm talking about as I pen these words.  I moved and grooved to the sound of my children ... each step, each milestone reached, each hurt, each dance of life...

When I went through my childhood trauma therapy, I wondered if anyone watched me with awe, loving me and oohing and aahing at my silly little antics.  I know I was wanted but once babies arrive, there's no sending them back if they aren't what you thought you were in for.  That being said, I know I was born into the right family 'cause God put me there.  Today, I know that by the grace of God, I had and have purpose.  If it took nearly sixty years for me to be where I am today, it was worth it.  To be whole and happy "in spite of" is my own miracle.  To be able to come outside and dance as I garden is freeing...  To be able to look at nature and breathe in the freshness of my todays is exhilarating!!  To gain confidence and be able to just be me is wonderful!!!  I don't have to do my movin' and groovin' to the tune of your drum or anyone else's.  I've never been a follower and have often been a trail blazer -- I'm not afraid to walk through the muddy waters to get to Eden on the other side!  Life's an adventure ... remember?

My own family of origin didn't talk much.  They didn't gush much or get too excited about things.  Life rolled along pretty much on an even keel.  If my mom and dad argued, I don't remember it ... I do remember the silence though.  As an adult when I visited, there still was this silence...  I know my mom and dad weren't like that growing up and as young adults so I wonder what happened.  The depression happened, the war happened, death of their fathers happened at early ages ... they weathered a lot of storms and I think those storms took their toll.  I watched a program on television some time ago about the soldiers returning home from war and how they were having hard times reentering life as they once knew it.  Soldiers returning from WWII, came home and immediately got married.  They weren't the same men who left and sweethearts felt the change.  As I have healed, I have understood my parents more and have been able to love them knowing they were mine ... my mom and my dad.  Because of God's love for me, I could do that and feel the love deep within my heart.  Oh, it doesn't make emotional abandonment right and it never will.  What happened was that I was able to take the good, leave the not so good, and offer others the love I so badly wanted to have and experience.

What gets your git up movin' and a groovin'?  What makes you smile and want to get up and dance??  There is so much in life to celebrate.  Turn off the television ... turn off the radio ... stop reading the newspaper for a week.  Instead, look around you ... notice the sounds of the city (or country), hone in to the music of nature, spend some time with someone less fortunate and look at the bright side.  Tell those important to you that you love them and want to just enjoy them being themselves.  Put on some oldies but goodies and DANCE!!  Take a camera and find beauty to capture.  Even the most rugged relics have a sense of time of an era gone by.

I would like to think sometimes, that I had a hand in how my family is different.  They've seen me struggle and grow and in the midst of the craziest of times; they always knew that I loved them.  We are separate human beings who call ourselves "family - for better or worse."  When they were little, I introduced them to the man who would be their constant companion and who would love and protect them in a perfect way.  Jesus says, "Bring the little children unto me..." (Matthew 19:14)  I am not their rock, He is...

Oh yes, I am a movin' and a groovin', laughin' and a singin' ... Just thinking about the song from yesteryear makes me want to call up my girlfriends, make a hot dog pizza, and talk all night.  Come next July, we will rendezvous in Minnesota and have a rip roaring time of fun.  Isn't that awesome, Readers?  I still have my childhood friends and we've rock and rolled through life coming together as seniors still filled with spunk!!  Now that's deep friendship!!!

Think I will do a little movin' and a groovin' and watch American Idol tonight.  There is a young lady from McKinney who is in the top six ... Hollie.  Since I used to live in McKinney I am rooting for her.  Do I think she's the best?  No ... Joshua and Skylar make me want to get up and dance!!

Until next time, take a go at looking at the sunny side of life. Keep your sense of humor handy when life throws you a curve ball. We're never too old to grab the blessings of life and share them with others.

Miss Dottie

Livin' the Dream

April 25, 2012

Good Afternoon!  I am enjoying the afternoon out on the back patio.  The honeysuckle is right behind me and I get a whiff of the wonderful aroma as the wind blows past me.  Sadie is laying on the settee snoring up a storm and Toby is making his rounds of the gardens.  It is so peaceful...

Speaking of Sadie, she has been miserable lately.  She's been drinking tons of water, peeing constantly, and scratching til her fur has dropped out leaving several sores on her back.  I took her to the vet this morning ... it's a good thing because she was running a fever, had a urinary tract infection, her liver wasn't functioning properly, and her allergies were out of control.  She was such a little lady, greeting everyone with tail wags and polite "sits."  The vet said she hadn't seen many Scotties and that Sadie was beautiful.  Yes, she is ... if you want to know, just ask me!!  She gave Sadie four shots and me a bag of meds with instructions to bring her back in two weeks.  It's so nice to have her resting without whining!

My son and I have this ritual going.  I call him on the phone and ask how he's doing and he replies, "Livin' the dream!"  Then, we both laugh...  Some rituals are funny aren't they.   It's those little inside jokes that make relationships fun.  Even, when we both know life's tough, it breaks the ominous dread of reality and sets the tone for a positive uplifting conversation.

When the economy started to crumble a few years ago, I began to take stock in what I really needed.  My retirement fund cut in half, I revisited how I wanted to live and once that was done, took steps towards my goals.  Easy?  No.  Necessary?  Absolutely!  That shift was not only a matter of survival but also one that lead to a more paring down.  It was about making the most of what I had, enjoying simple pleasures, reconnecting with my roots, and, more than ever, my home became my sanctuary.

Moving permanently to the little casa endeavored to inspire me to enjoy the charm, beauty and ingenuity of the simpler lifestyle many of you also embrace or aspire to.  Forget about the fussy furnishings and coordinated looks.  Living large in a small space became a way of life and a way of Livin' the Dream!

I don't know about you, but I am enjoying repurposing things.  The casita is a great example.  I sit here typing away and every now and then look up to envision what the finished product will look like.  One day I was sitting on top of the storm shelter look at this dilapidated garage and now, I am looking at a beautiful work in progress.  From salvaging old lumber, refreshing tired dark corners with paint, and making use of each nail, it's become a labor of love.  At the end of the day when Lupe and his crew leaves, I see more of what it will look like.  All of a sudden, today, I said to myself, "Miss Dottie, you are Livin' the Dream aren't you?!"  You get to take something rather ugly and make it beautiful!  I have a tendency to go back to what I am familiar with and I don't want to do that.  I want this to be an adventure ... I want it to be a cottage fit for a little lady ... namely, moi!

Some days I have to pinch myself, I am so content.  Livin' the Dream hasn't been like I thought it would be.  When I was forty, I thought I would be living large in my large dream home.  I thought I would be traveling the world and writing great novels.  (I laugh)  What am I doing?  I am living a simple life where I don't have a whole lot to take care of ... I am free to create, enjoy cooking and baking, and writing my blog.  Time with friends and family?  Priceless!  My friends are few but my relationships are deep and rewarding.  I have been blessed with the best family ever.  My children are warm, loving people who wrap their arms around their families and others, including Michael and I.  We share a common bond in Jesus Christ and will spend forever in eternity.  What more could I ask for?!

Yesterday, Beverly and I made our Tuesday venture to Dress Barn to take advantage of our Senior discount.  I had been in such a purple funk ... my clothes from last summer must have shrunk (or so I told myself) and after selling most of my clothes at the garage sale, I was in need.  The clerks there know us by name and scurry around getting us our dressing rooms and writing our names on the doors.  Our arms filled with clothes, we tried on this and that to our heart's content.  Before I left, Michael told me to just find things that fit and that I like, forgetting about the size on the tag.  I did just that and came away with a couple outfits that fit to a tee and that I liked a whole lot.  I was Livin' the Dream.

When it comes right down to it, Livin' the Dream is an attitude isn't it??  If I spend too much time wallowing in the stock market drop, what I don't have, what I wish I had, etc. etc. etc., I miss a wole lot of happiness with what I do have.  Blessings often come in small packages each and every day -- no exceptions!!

May 12, 2012 is Fibromyalgia Awareness Day.  Since I have been diagnosed with that crazy illness, I appreciate each day that I have energy and my pain is manageable.  I push myself to exercise and enjoy a positive outlook.  The days that I am down and out, I rest knowing that in rest there is rejuvination of body and soul.  I thank God for the hard times because without the hard times, the good times would be less special.  I sing praises remembering that this is the life God awarded me ... my life was His gift.  How dare I say, it was not enough!!

My life has been full of twists and turns.  I have loved deeply and passionately and danced in the rain.  I have met some of the most amazing people on earth and have been a part of society that I dreamed about as a child.  I learned how to be a lady with manners and grace.  I've traveled the roads of despair and sorrow rising to heights of wonder and joy.  Livin' the Dream?  You betcha!!  I am grateful ... and, as long as I have breath left in me, I will celebrate my time on earth meeting and greeting those I come in contact with.

Are you Livin' the Dream?  Do you have that peace inside of you knowing that you took the road less traveled and even though some of those risks didn't turn out so well, you lived a full life?  It's not too late you know ... every day is a new day with new adventures right before you.  Come on ... dance a little, love a little,  take that risk you've been afraid of.  What's the worst that can happen?  Even the worst is not as bad as not trying at all and wondering what might have been...

Til we meet again, I am signing off ... always remember how precious each of you are to me.  I think of my Readers so often and pray for you daily.  Have a wonderful rest of the day...

Miss Dottie

Won't be long & I will be
neck high in bubbles!!
Livin' the Dream is
soaking in a claw foot tub!!

The Great Commission...Blog Style

April 24, 2012

Oh, it’s a great morning to be outside tending my gardens!  When I moved, I brought two yellow rose bushes from my gardens with me.  They are doing well and are covered with blooms.  As I was looking at the bushes, I started humming The Yellow Rose of Texas!  Gotta love that song!!  All of a sudden, my mind changed directions and I was curious about who was reading my blogs.  Blogspot has a site where I can look to see the areas that I am reaching.  I ran indoors to check it out.  I have readers in the United States including Alaska, Canada, Russia, United Kingdom, Germany, Costa Rica, Denmark, Singapore, Canada, Philippines, and Latvia. I am in awe...  Thank you for tuning in and listening to me rattle on and on as I share my life with you !!

The written word and the tongue have much in common as ways of communicating. Both can be used to edify, teach and encourage.  As Christians, we are charged with the Great Commission found in Matthew 28: 19-20:  "Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you.  And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."  My blog is my way of sharing my faith and inviting others to follow my Lord.  I am whole not because of what I have done but because of what God has done in and through me.  I am the cracked pot made beautiful by the potter; I am the woman at the well, healed by the great physician.  It is with a heart of gratitude that I write asking Him to guide my hands as a type.  He knows who will be reading my blogs and what they need to hear.

On the flip side, to gossip, to lie, and to mislead can also be a way of communicating who we are...  As much as I say that I am not a gossiper, God has convicted me over and over that I am. If I say I have no sin in certain areas, God is sure to wake me up saying ... "Well, remember when you...." (See 1 John 1:8) I am more aware these days wanting to tame my tongue and my writing to reflect truth. I need to be very careful remembering that my blog is my story not someone else's. I can only say how certain behavior affected me and my life.

Over the past years, I have prayed for truth to be revealed -- in myself and in situations that I am in need of confirmation to make decisions. I have been bold in my pleading -- almost too bold in some areas -- and the Lord has said, "No, you do not need to know." Some years ago, I was cleaning house and I came across a diary. I had a decision to make. Should I put it down or should I open it. To this day, I'm not sure what I did was right. I read words of "I hate her" and accounts of deception and pain. Truth? I guess so... When I write in my own private journals, I pour out my feelings and accounts of the day. Should I be privy to someone else’s writing? It was a discovery that changed me -- for the better, I might add, but it still stung. To hear someone that I loved say "I hate her" brought tears and sadness that still haunts me.

Was the truth from Satan or of God? What man meant for evil, God used for good. (See Genesis 50:20-21)I memorized that verse and when I struggle with hurt, those are the words that come to mind. I am changing the bad tapes in my subconscious one Bible verse at a time. I also know that some people will hate me, some will dislike me, and, if I am lucky, a few choice people will love me for me. I need to concentrate on accepting the words of those that love me. Only good words? No ... words of honesty spoken in love. I need to remain teachable!

There comes a time in life, where we need to be able to hear words spewed out at us in anger, dissect them, and either toss them or learn and grow. I am fortunate, my children and I are very open with one another. We tackle the tough stuff knowing that love will carry us to new heights in communicating in truth. We ask for clarification and give each other permission to speak from the heart. There are times we preface our conversations with ... "I just need a listening ear" Unless, I am asked for advice, I usually bite my tongue and don't give it. There are a few areas though when I step in as matriarch of the family and say, "Wait, a minute ... what you are doing is hurtful and against what you've been brought up to believe as a Christian." I think that's my responsibility as a parent. When my family is heading for a brick wall, I think its okay to say ... "Whoa!" I also learn from my family and I trust them explicitly knowing they have my best interests at heart.

Michael and I struggle with communication. I am from Venus, he is from Mars. I am bold; he would rather sweep things under the rug. I am open, he is quite private. There are times that he would like to strangle me and vice versa. Our years together have been of struggle and growth ... four steps forward, two back ... we're making progress. We were brought up in two different areas of the country and have different ways of approaching life.  I challenge him and he is getting better at being more forthright.


When one partner gets well, the dynamics of the partnership changes. When light comes into a relationship, darkness cannot dwell in the same space. Michael is a psychology major so he understands the concept of a dark spirits vs. good spirits.  We've both learned that understanding is one thing, living a life of openness and is another.  I will say this, the only one who could fill the empty holes in my heart was the Lord. It is He that gives me joy and self-worth. It is He who directs my tongue and convicts me.

What we choose to hear is selective. Remember, we choose!! Embedded in my brain are personal memories, experiences, beliefs, values, vulnerabilities, emotion and attitudes that easily distort my ability to separate myself from my best business and personal choices. No matter what happened to us, we are all on the journey of life. Each individual is responsible for his or her own choices. We usually get what we expect in life.  If you don't expect a whole lot, guess what?!  If you expect respect and blessings, guess what then?!!  I prefer the later to the former and life is good...

We don't have to remain broken. If we do, we -- not our parents, are responsible for that choice.  I have committed myself to learning truth about my own family of origin, their influences and control; about personal choices and change.  I am no longer carrying the burdens of the dysfunction, I took the good … I am my own person and I like that…

What does The Great Commission mean to you?  God has gifted us all in different areas ... use your talents to spead the Good News.  I declare this Be Your Own Person Day.  Think about what YOU are about … what you like and don’t like.  Be bold in knowing who you are and what you stand for.  You need to be your own version  of you NOT someone else's!!

Miss Dottie

Even as a toddler, I had my own style
and was my own person!!
How about you??

The day, the hour, the minute...

April 22, 2012


Hi there!  It's your friend, Miss Dottie, checking in.  What a glorious morning it is in Central Texas.  Sadie and I meandered outside to bask in the sunshine and I enjoyed a cup of coffee.  Sadie is still scratching and I think we'll need to make a trip to the vet tomorrow.  Poor baby is miserable -- her allergies are really giving her fits.

Michael and I tackled trimming the bushes on the front of the little casa yesterday.  They really needed a haircut!!  Looks much better I must admit.  We need to get some sod put down in the front.  Guess that will be our next project.  The Pecan Tree looks like it might give us a pecan crop this year.  We've had lots of rain and I gave it some food to help it along.  I've neglected my gardens the past couple weeks ... they are forgiving ... the flowers continue to pop up and bloom!

After we trimmed bushes, we decided that we would paint around the front door, and the two doors in the back.  I already had the paint which saved us a trip to the hardware store.  Took us several hours but the doors look great!!  Living in an old house keeps us on our toes ... always something needing attention!!  I am touching up paint inside and organizing closets and drawers.  I will be so excited when I can move clothes and stuff into the casita.  We will have just the right amount of space!!

Lupe has been such a sweetheart.  He wants to make sure that the casita is just the way I want it.  He called from Lowe's Thursday night to make sure he was getting the french doors I had specified.  Nope...  Good thing I had taken a photo of the doors and knew the item number ... they were at Home Depot.  He trekked over there and loaded the doors on to his truck.  He and his right hand man were here Friday, cutting the hole in the garage and putting in the doors.  Perfect!!  I get so excited each step of the way!!


My last blog was on the wounded woman.  I had several emails from readers who shared their stories.  I just love that.  One of my readers called the wounded woman a designated victim.  I thought about that a lot and, yes, I would say that is often the case.  Whether a man or a woman, an angry wounded person picks on the meekest.  Perpetrators hand pick the most trusting child.  Why?  Because of that person's gentleness and the probability that they will not retaliate.  When I lived in the Women's Shelter, my counselor brought that up ... I had been the designated victim for many in my family.  It's been tough because I am a gentle spirit and I trust easily.  I give unconditional love in many cases where I should have bold love.  God did not put me on this earth to be the whipping post or a victim.  He put me on this earth to glorify Him and be victorious!!

Matthew 24:26 says "However, no one knows the day or hour when these things will happen, not even the angels in heaven or the Son himself. Only the Father knows."  That's true about when Christ will return and it's also true about the time that God will call us home.  I think about that knowing that I have been given a purpose ... a job to do.  There are times when I am driven to sit at my computer with my fingers trying to keep up with the thoughts running through my mind.  There are times when I have visions of people and am called to pray for them.  It's become second nature to obey ... to go into uncharted territory where I am unfamiliar knowing that the door is open.

Many of my blogs have been about walking in the light.  Last Friday, I decided to attend a Bible Study at White Bluff Resort ... the study is on Living Like You Belong to God.  The facilitator is wonderful and I learned things that I never knew before.  Did I hear you say, "What?"  Well, I always thought that to be holy meant to be perfect.  Holy means to be set apart for a particular purpose.  The first recorded words of God are "Let there be light" (Genesis 1:3) and He has been separating light and darkness ever since.  I sat by Stacy and she asked me about my move.  I shared that I often times felt like a duck out of water.  She looked at me and said, "Personally, I think you have been called to be a light in your neighborhood."  (Now that was before the class started!)

I have this day, this hour, this minute to share my life that others would have hope in a risen Lord.  I belong to the fraternity of the priesthood of believers and that bond cannot be broken.  For those of you who belong to fraternities and sororities, you understand how deep the bond is between members.  Do I want others to see light, honor, and love in me?  Or, do I want them to see someone who is better than they are, aloof, and distant?  Absolutely not!!!

Light is to be the characteristic of Christians.  We are clearly to be separated from the darkness ... no gray, no shade, no shadows.  In other words, I am to shine in a dark world so that everyone will see truth and some will even seek the Father.  Is your holiness (remember to be set apart for a particular purpose) clearly visible to a dark world?

Ask God to show you areas of darkness in your own life.  If God shows you, then, confess it as sin knowing that He has promised to cleanse you from all unrighteousness.  Then, go boldly into the light living out the purpose that God has set you apart for.  Oh, it feels so good!!!!  Sometimes, I sit outside in the aqua adirondack chair with my face lifted up to the sun.  I can feel the heat ... the rejuvination flooding throughout my body.  No more lies, no more secrets ... just light, love, and the will to be obedient!

Have a wonderful day ... find a sunny spot, close your eyes, and feel the warmth!  Let your mind wander ... think about your particular purpose in life.  You're not here to just take up space you know!!  Besides, natural Vitamin D is good for you!!!!

Miss Dottie

PS:  Don't forget to water the flowers in your life!
Bloom where you are planted!!!

 

The Wounded Woman

April 20, 2012

Good Morning, Readers!  I've been up nearly all night.  Sadie has allergies and itched and scratched til she was exhausted.  We gave her her medicine and she (finally!) has settled down enough to rest.  In the meantime, I decided to get up and start my day five hours than I usually do.  I've been cleaning and sorting through clothes and working to get the little casa back in order after the big move and garage sale.  I know that in the long run all this organization and work will be worth it.  I keep my eyes on my goals and take it a day at a time.

This morning, as I prayed, I had a vision of a group of women moving together enmass.  I looked at them and said, "The walking wounded!"  I had tears in my eyes and felt such a deep sorrow for them and wondered if they knew the Lord.  They kept marching towards me until I could see their faces.  I stood very still and wondered if I would be swallowed up by their sorrows and anger -- oh my gosh, I saw my own face.  I heard another voice, "You are mine, a fine woman of the Almighty.  Come and I will protect you and give you peace."

"He heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds." ~~Psalm 147:3

Yes, I was one of those walking wounded; and, as I have said in previous blogs, I began to realize after four marriages that maybe the problem was me.  Oh, I can blame and point fingers but when push came to shove, I said yes to marrying those rascals who were charming, manipulative, and emotionally unavailable.  I would describe the walking wounded woman as someone who has been deeply hurt in the past and carries psychological damage into the present.  Yep ... that was me!

"The Lord is my strength and my shield; My heart trusted in Him, and I am helped. Therefore, my heart greatly rejoices, and with my song I will praise Him."

~~Psalm 28:7

Many times, women suffer the aftermath of physical, emotional, or spiritual abuse in childhood or possibly later in relationships.  In my case, I had suffered trauma as a child then moved on to further abuse as a young woman.  It was what I was used to.  Wounded women often times live with chaotic emotions; or, as in my case, I steeled myself and said I didn't matter.  It took a long time for me to heal, regaining my sense of self and trust, because I had no idea of the core of my abuse.  I was an expert at self-deceit and self-sabotage as the tapes ran in my subconscious.  As long as I looked at my other people's faults, I stayed in bondage. It was pretty darn scary, to have to dig deep within and cut out the poison inside of me.  I say "cut" because it hurt like hell!!  I journaled keeping my thoughts "mine" ... I used my left hand to write (I am right handed) to slow me down and bring out my child.

"I sought the Lord, and He heard me."~~Psalm 34:4

What were my symptoms?  Some days I was happy and content.  Other days, I felt like the weight of the world was on my shoulders and I felt drawn into a deep hole of depression.  I only allowed people to know the perfect me.  I had to be perfect, look perfect, have the perfect marriage, the perfect children, and on and on.  If I wasn't perfect, I would be rejected; therefore, I had a hard time letting go enough to truly enjoy healthy, happy relationships.  I was attracted to bad boys ... those men who were smooth talking, manipulative, handsome, and outgoing.  I knew this was wrong; however, I seemed drawn to self destruction.  I was drawn to the bad boys of the world knowing full well that it wasn't healthy. 

"In the multitude of my anxieties within me,Your comforts delight my soul."

~~Psalm 94:19

I knew what I wanted but never got it.  I played out the tapes in my mind that told me that I didn't deserve good. I had all the normal urges to have a relationship with the opposite sex and wanted to have a successful relationship but the very moment my healthy emotions were aroused, the tapes of my buried hurt reared it's ugly head and I bolted.  The nicer the man, the faster I'd run.  As a wounded woman, I (subconsciously) sought out emotionally unavailable men.  It was a familiar misery -- I hated it yet there it was.

"My soul melts from heaviness; Strengthen me according to Your word."

~~Psalm 119:28

Sometimes, God has a way of taking us to our knees where the pain is so bad that either we are going to die or seek help.  I began my therapy in the 1980's -- my painful hurts were so locked up that it took years to find out what really happened to me.  Healing took place one layer at a time as I was able to handle the rawness and deepness of the pain.  There were no quick fixes.  I was so miserable that I was willing to do whatever I needed to do to be whole.

"He gives power to the weak, and to those who have no might He increases strength."~~Isaiah 40:29

I was driven by busyness, filling up every moment of my day and night with work, classes, therapy, and being a mom.  If I was engaged and busy, my mind didn't go backwards in time and I didn't have to deal with my thoughts.  Gradually, I introduced reading my Bible, prayer, and owning the tapes running over and over in my mind.  Gradually, I was able to accept myself flaws and all.  I saw myself for what I was ... a woman covered from head to toe with open sores, a bruised heart ... a walking wounded woman.  Gradually, a new woman started emerging from the wasteland I had been submerged in.  By the grace of God and an army of loving people, I began to heal one day at a time, one layer at a time.

"The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear?  The Lord is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?~~Psalm 27:1

Is there hope for the walking wounded?  YES!!  If the severity of the damage is profound, the wounded woman needs professional help.  That was true in my case ... I needed a place where I could feel safe -- a place where I wouldn't be judged.  I lived in boxes of logic where emotions were kept in check (until the hurt bubbled up to the top of the box and spewed over).  My first therapist made the comment to me that I could relate a story of hurt expressing no emotion.  Someone could drive a nail into my flesh and I wouldn't feel it.  That's how I protected myself.  I lived in steel armor.  I had head knowledge not heart knowledge.  I needed to connect the two.  Once I allowed emotion to enter my being, I cried at the drop of a hat.  I think I could have taken a bath in my tears!!

"The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise."~~Psalm 51:17 (NIV) 

I have needed empathetic ears and time has been my ally.  I learned to treat moi kindly.  I built up my wounded self-esteem and found peace in patience.  I had been too open with my trust -- I learned to look at what people did not focus on what was being said.  God told me that I was worthwhile.  Since He doesn't lie, I could believe him.  Yes, I had to deal with the consequences of my choices but He didn't abandon me calling me worthless.  I could rest knowing that He would use my past to help others and to be a light in the darkness.  It was tough, Readers, to be honest with myself and others.  It was tough making amends when I'd rather keep the past hidden.  It was hard facing rejection from those I loved yet I lived through it.

"The LORD is with me; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?"

~~Psalm 118:6

What did I need?  I needed friends who accepted me warts, bumps, and all.  I needed truth and encouragement ... often times, I needed tough love.  I needed role models to learn from and to copy when I didn't know what to do.  I needed the strength of God to fill the holes within my heart ... no human could fill those gaping wounds.

Only you, my Readers, can decide if the walking wounded woman is worth your time and trouble.  If she is, you're probably in for a wild roller-coaster ride.  But, if you are patient and loving, there may be a great reward for your constancy and friendship.

Did you know that the words we speak give us victory or defeat, cause us to rise up or be crushed, produce life or produce loss?  The power of our words significantly alters the course of our lives.  Proverbs 18:21 says that death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit.

We all have scars from life and we have all been wounded.  I give praise and thanks to the Lord that I have not been destroyed.  If you are suffering with a broken heart or a crushed spirit remember, the Son of Righteousness is here with healing in his wings.  God loves you and so do I.  It has been through the transformation and renewing of my mind that I am who I am today.  What is my secret?  I shut out the voices of the world and listened to the one who never lies ... the one who wrapped me in a soft blanket when I was bleeding and raw ... the one who lifted me from the depths of despair into the light of salvation and eternal life.  I made Him Lord of my life -- He has taught me, pruned me, and given me strengths I never knew possible.  My life of secrets became an open book and I although I walk to the tune of my own drum, it is He who lights my path.  How about you?  Who is your strength when you have none?

Miss Dottie

PS:  "Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think.  Then you will learn to know God's will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect."~~Romans 12:2 (NLT)

There is a beginning but never an end...

April 18, 2012

Good Morning, Readers!  Instead of coming to you from North Texas, I will be writing from my perch in Central Texas!  I was up early this morning.  I thought things would be simpler when we moved here but until the casita is done, we are bursting at the seams and needing to revisit what we want to keep and store even more than we have already!  Yesterday, I packed up the left over garage sale things and omg, I have more than enough for another garage sale the end of October.

Toby and I took a walk through the gardens this morning to survey what needs to be done there.  Good grief those weeds can poke through the mulch quickly.  I did some pruning on my flowers and shrubs.  The roses are still blooming like crazy and the honeysuckle at the back door makes going inside and coming outside a sensual pleasure.  All of a sudden, I heard a loud whistle ... two ladies were standing at the back fence.  I walked over and we had a nice chat.

Remember, in a former blog I said that I wished I could build a fence so as not to look at the mess behind me?  Well, God really has a way of humbling me.  The 92 year old man who lives there fell some time ago and had been in a nursing home for rehab.  The two ladies were his daughters.  They said that they just loved what I was doing in the back yard and were wanting to do something similar that would be easy to care for.  They gave me so many compliments that I felt started to feel uncomfortable.  The Lord sure has a sense of humor -- He gently teaches me to be more positive and less judgemental!  (Note: their dad hobbled out using his walker to get a closer look at the gardens in progress ... he was so tickled at what he saw!)

The beginning:  The construction started yesterday on the casita (aka my Woman Cave).  I felt this sense of elation rushing through me as the demolition began.  It didn't take long to fill a trash trailer and wipe the cob webs down.  I stood in the middle of the (now) garage and could just picture me sitting there doing what I love to do ... read, pray, write ... munch on dark chocolate!!  Lupe had all these questions for me that I couldn't answer.  He knows that I trust him in getting the basics done.  All I've told him is that I want a pedestal sink and claw foot tub in the bathroom, a gas fireplace at the end of the room, double french doors on the East side of the main room, and the open rafters and wood walls painted an off white.  I have two pieces of furniture that I kept from the house in McKinney -- a great wing backed chair and my bookcase.  Ah yes ... I can see it now!

In the beginning, God created the heavens and earth ... he created all form of life including man.  John 1:1-5 says:  "Before anything else existed, there was Christ, with God.  He has always been alive and is himself God.  He created everything there is--nothing exists that he didn't make.  Eternal life is in him, and this life gives light to all mankind.  His life is the light that shines through the darkness--and the darkness can never extinguish it."

I thought about that passage when I was standing at the doorway to the casita.  The old has a new beginning.  My casita will be a place of refuge for me and for those who share time with me.  It will be as a lighthouse shining in the darkness -- the spirit of the Lord will reside there drawing those that need to know Him!  Will it have an end?  Physically, probably so.  All things on earth will fade away in time including the casita and my earthly body.  "Dust to dust."  What won't fade away?  The spirit of the woman who created the casita will never die ... the lives changed and encouraged glorifying God will live on forever.  When I think about eternal, I cling to my faith in everlasting life.  I am a sinner saved by grace who will experience moving from this world to another place.  This is my foundation, my rock ... and, it is upon this rock that the casita will evolve.

I am glad that Lupe is a Christian.  He gets it!  He understands my excitement and the reason for this labor of love.  He will do his best to make my vision and my dream come true.  How could I ask for more?!  He turned the little casa into a lovely home and I have my dream kitchen.  Lupe is a man with a strong moral compass.  His word is his bond ... a man who can be trusted knowing he will do what he says he will at a fair price.  He has become a man known in the community -- he works with youth at his church and is on the school board.  He is an encourager ... a visionary!

Today, the hammering and sawing is music to my ears.  I wrote scriptures on the four walls and am bathing the project in prayer.  You know that old saying, "measure twice, cut once?"  Well, Lupe is teaching this young man in the photo how to build and he cut the board ... the other young man took it over to the wall to put it in.  Oops - three inches too short.  He was so embarrassed.  I laughed.  I bet he will remember that lesson.  Lupe is a patient teacher and treats his crews well.  It might take longer than normal to teach and allow mistakes but it will be done right in the end...

My dryer buzzer is going off and calling me.  I should stay inside and organize the mess created from the garage sale but I am drawn outside to the sunshine.  I'd much rather be outside than inside ... there is just enough wind to be comfortable and the temperature is perfect!  It will be too hot to be outside before too long so I will enjoy Spring and all it's beginnings!!

Have a wonderful day ... I think I'll have a picnic outside at lunch today.  How about you?  After the restful Winter, are you drawn out into the sun?  It is wonderful to breathe deeply and feel sheer joy running through me -- body and soul!!

Always know you are loved and prayed for ... YA YOU!!

Miss Dottie

Psalm 127:  "Unless the Lord builds a house, the builders work is useless."

Notes of the Past

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Good Morning, Readers!  What a night.  Sadie has allergies and itched and scratched all night -- Toby gets in a snit when she is miserable and was trying to make her feel better by cleaning her ears.  In between scratches, itches, and the licking of ears, they wanted to go outside.  Phew!!

Our shaggy dogren had appointments with a new groomer at 8 bells.  I'm sure that they will feel much better with their Winter coats gone.  The groomer here is at the vets office so she was going to make sure they got checked over for fleas and if Sadie had bad spots of itching, the vet will take a look.  The dogren love getting groomed and having their teeth brushed.  They'll be strutting their stuff and ready for a photo shoot when they get home about noon.

I did some packing of garage sale items yesterday and arranged my tubs neatly in the storm shelter.  I'm so glad that we had the shelter painted and sealed.  It's a perfect place to store important papers and seasonal decorations.  I will continue what I started yesterday hoping to get the garage cleaned out and ready for Lupe to begin the process of turning a sow's ear into my lovely Woman Cave!!

As usual, I was dragging when I went to bed last night.  That little voice inside of me was prompting me to pick up my Daily Walk Bible.  To be totally honest, I wasn't quite up for reading I Chronicles 1-9 (lists of names of David's family tree) and began paging through my Bible reading passages that were highlighted and notes in the margins.

One note I had penned on June 24, 2006 caught my eye.  Let me share it with you:  "Lord, for years I have been a seeker.  I stumble and fall, repent - try again - fall - then repeat the pattern.  Beth Moore said of her husband: 'You are a much better man healed than you would have been well.'  Maybe someday someone would say that of me.  I do love you, Lord and I stand on your word and promises.  Bless Bill and Ivey P for giving me this book.  Go with me this day and fill me with joy and gladness.  In Jesus name I pray."

Being a Christian who loves the Lord is a process.  I have been and am a work in progress.  I am a also a perfectionist in all that I do.  Now, this can be a good thing but it can also be a not so good thing.  The good part is that when I tackle anything whether it's a project or living life, I put body and soul into it.  It's made me excel in many areas of life.  The not so good part is that I will do and redo projects going beyond what is acceptable, slowing me down.  I recognize my perfectionism and where it came from (performance based affection as a child).  I wanted so badly to be loved and accepted and that was how I got any kind of affirmation.  To fail at anything was unacceptable.  I lived a guilt and shame filled life.  When I did something wrong, not only was I punished at home but I punished myself even more telling myself that I wasn't okay.

It took many many years for me to realize that I was a human being saved by grace.  No matter what I did, God would not withhold love from me.  I wanted to be like Him ... not like anyone else.  I took the class, The Mind of Christ, and really took the time to examine my thoughts.  At first, I saw everything in the world that was wrong with me.  I felt like the road ahead was going to be a long one.  You know what?  One night as I was praying,  I felt a warm glow come into my chest and I realized that Christ died on the cross to save sinners like me.  He loved me enough to die for me.  With that kind of love, I knew I wasn't junk ... someone who deserved a miserable life of punishment.  From that day on, I had this newness of life.  Oh sure, I was and am still a perfectionist and I screw up daily; yet, I know that I am worth respect, love, and caring.  Once I began to love myself as Christ loved me, the road to wellness got a whole lot easier.

My son shared a story with me yesterday and it brought such a wonderful peace to my heart.  It was bedtime and he was checking on Zachary and Nicholas.  He quietly climbed up the ladder of Zachary's bunk bed and saw the little guy on his knees, his hands folded.  Zachary was praying in the stillness of his room.  He and Tommy talked a few minutes and Tommy told him that although Zachary's home runs and throws in baseball were exhilarating and wonderful, this moment was the highlight of his day.  My son is a man of God, a great leader, and a loving father.  I thought about this moment in time when I read that note from June of 2006.  Tommy is a much better man healed than he would have been well.  He has been transformed by the renewing of his mind in Christ Jesus.  I have tears rolling down my face as I write this.  Family-For Better or Worse ... yes, we are family!!

As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord!!

I leave you with Psalm 128:5-6.  "May the Lord continually bless you with heaven's blessings as well as with human joys.  May you live to enjoy your grandchildren!  And may God bless Israel."

Always know you are loved and prayed for ... YA YOU!!

Miss Dottie

PS:  I declare this a make a phone call day.  Is there someone who could use a bit of cheering up?  Is there a perfectionist in your life who thinks they are only as good as what they do?  Maybe, just maybe, it's time to let them know that they are loved and cherished for who they are ... a perfect creation ... a beautiful work in progress!