There comes a time...

It's Friday, February 1, 2013

Can you believe we can kiss the month of January off for 2013?  I don't know about you but it seems as though the days just seem to whiz by.

Sadie and I decided to walk through the gardens today.  It's windy and she loves to be outside in the brisk air.  Today she sat on top of the storm shelter with her eyes on the squirrels next door then she moved to the bottom of the big tree in the center of the yard and gazed upwards for what seemed to be hours.  She has the patience of a saint when she is hunting!  I shared a cookie with her and we had a nice chat.  One thing about dogs is that they don't talk back ... Sadie is a great listener!

Yesterday, I had one of those scary days where I really felt my challenges.  I have been hurting pretty bad from my fall and have been doing my chores s-l-o-w-l-y.  Well, I decided I would clean the little cottage.  I got the tub, toidy, and sink cleaned with no problem ... dusting, no problem ... then, it came time to wash the floor.  I started to sweat, the pain in my fight shoulder and arm was horrendous, and tears began to trickle down my face.  I couldn't wash my own floor...

I am the one who basically takes care of the house and yard.  I wondered:  "Who will do my work for me??"    I felt the anger well up inside of me and I threw a temper tantrum.  I heard this little voice inside of me ... "Are you done yet?"  I felt so silly.  Here I was, a grown woman having a temper tantrum.  I have a very high tolerance for pain and my "I can do it" attitude usually can pull me through what needs to be done.  This time, I couldn't, I just flat out couldn't.

Michael looked at me and in this soft voice said, "Honey, it's going to be ok.  We'll find someone to clean for you and I can take my clothes that need ironing to the cleaners."  Somehow, that didn't help.  What he didn't understand was that "I" couldn't do it.  No matter how much or how hard I tried, I couldn't clean the floor.  It's different when I used to have a cleaning lady come in when I worked outside the home -- I could still do my own cleaning, I just chose not to.  Notice how many "I's" are in this paragraph?  I, I, I ... I was miserable because I couldn't do what I wanted.  Hmmm  Do I sense a bit of self-pity?

It is true ... you really can't understand what someone is going through until you walk a mile in their shoes.  I am beginning to understand my mom and Michael's mom and countless other moms who realize there comes a time when no matter how much we want to do something, our bodies say, "No."  I don't like that word no.  I've always been strong and able to leap tall buildings.  Well, not really, but almost!  I could move furniture, dig holes, do my own plumbing, paint, and have energy left over to go dancing at night.  I'm still a high energy person but, for right now, am trapped inside a body that needs to heal.

I'm sure you've heard the old saying "Every cloud has a silver lining."  I can't speak for you but I've found that in times of trial I lean more on the Lord.  I pray more deeply and rely on God with faith and patience.  I develop more of a compassion for others and as God comforts me, I extend that comfort to those around me.

Maybe you are going through what I am.  I have a Facebook friend who is confined to a wheel chair.  I think he can relate.  I have another friend who has MS and struggles to feed herself.  Oh what those with physical challenges would give to be able to do the simplest things on their own.  To be at the mercy of someone else or to have to ask for help can be so ... humiliating.

Monday, I begin to work my plan of recovery.  I am thinking positive thoughts and will do whatever I can on my part to hasten my progress.  I will move on and think of it as another challenge.  I will look for a cleaning lady who will do windows and a gardener who can rake and haul branches.  I will make a trip to the cleaners and will keep telling myself that this is a temporary thing.

Always remember you are loved and prayed for ... YA YOU!!

Miss Dottie

PS  "The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely, or unhappy is to go outside, somewhere where they can be quiet, alone with the heavens, nature, and God.  As long as such a place exists, and it certainly always will, I know that then there will always be comfort for every sorrow, whatever the circumstances may be.  And I firmly believe that nature brings solace in all troubles." ~~ Anne Frank