My Imperfect Loves - MOI! ~ Part VII of VIII

Galatians 2:20:  I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God. who loved me and gave himself for me.

July 15, 2013

Miss Dottie: Age 50
 Before gray hair! 

Dear Readers,

I can hardly believe Summer 2013 in Central Texas. Here we are, mid July, and it's 68 degrees. I was out early yesterday morning tending to my neglected center garden wearing a long sleeved shirt. The cool breeze felt sooo good and revived me from my lack of sleep (up til 2am!). My precious dogren don't sleep in so I was up at 6:30. (Yawn) It starting sprinkling rain mid morning and now has rained for over 24 hours ~ I love it and my gardens are loving it!

Miss Dottie
65th Birthday
Crown of Gray Hair!

Not too long ago on Facebook, one of my friends posted the question (which went something like this): Can we love others without loving ourselves? I've been thinking about that a lot since then. When I first read it, my immediate answer (based on my own experience) was, "Heck yes!" From the time I was able to relate to others, I loved them and empathized with them. To have a friend meant REALLY loving that friend. To love family meant REALLY loving family. Since I grew up thinking everything was my fault, it was easy to put oth
ers before me. The problem with this selflessness was that I didn't take care of me and my inner self-esteem plummeted with each passing year. On the outside, I was confident and successful, on the inside I was dying, a closet depressed person hoping that someone would love me as an imperfect person.

Miss Dottie: Age 64
Shining through the haze!

I was one of those people that if I had committed suicide people would have been shocked because so few people knew how very sad I was in the most innermost parts of my mind and heart. The tapes that ran were so covered up, I wasn't aware except for my puzzling behavior of allowing certain people to abuse my personal boundaries. When I spoke up and said, "No!", I was chastised and then would creep back into my shell thinking it wasn't okay to protect myself. It took many years of therapists scratching their heads and my continual search to find the core of my pain. My journey wasn't for the faint of heart.  I wanted truth!!

"And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free."

~John 8:32

Granddaughter Madison Belle
Daughter in Heart Angie
Miss Dottie: Age 66

As the days have gone by and the deeper I have meditated about this question, I realized that until I began to love myself, the love I had for others albeit honorable and true was missing something. MOI! I was loving others instead of myself. Today, I love with a fullness I never dreamed was possible simply because God showed me that I am worthy. My old tapes held me captive and my heart was in chains. Get the picture?  Then, picture chains broken and me running free!! Woo Wee!!!!

THE GOOD NEWS!

Zephaniah 3:17: The LORD your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing.

Miss Dottie: Summer 2013

Out of my pain was birthed an inner joy that transcends all understanding. I am able to feel the gamut of emotions and express my opinions freely. I live without secrets and it feels so good. Just writing about my freedom, gives me the goosies!! I am able to give and love without expectations or fear. The love that I've always felt for others has gotten so much bigger and fuller.

There are times when life gets the best of me and I feel so ... sad.  There are times when life gets the best of me and I feel so ... angry. There are times when life throws me a curve ball and I get so ... frustrated. Know what all this makes me? It makes me a normal imperfect human being. It also helps me to realize that I need to look at the big picture of my life and how God has used my flops and fumbles to grow and to embrace others as they join me on the road of life.

Romans 8:31 says that we are more than conquerors, "...If God is for us, who can be against us?"  I keep that verse next to my heart.

You see, Christians who have the love of Jesus in their hearts aren't condemning miserable judgemental people.  We are imperfect souls sharing the love of Christ with others.  We love ourselves as Christ loved us giving up his life that we would live eternally.  We keep our slates clean.  I am one of many lighting my candle in a dark world.

This evening, I would invite you to turn off all the lights in your room then light a candle. Think of how Christ loves you knowing that there are countless intercessors praying for you ~ people you may not know and never meet. Think of how much more you can love others by loving yourself. Most of all, remember how much I love you as my Readers, praying for you each and every day!

Miss Dottie

PS "Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that." ~Martin Luther King Jr., A Testament of Hope: The Essential Writings and Speeches