My Imperfect Loves - My Family - Part VIII

July 16, 2013

Dear Readers,

I am writing you from the swamps of Central Texas.  We have had several days of rain and our yard is smooshy and ankle deep in water.  I'm not complaining, just sayin'!  Michael wanted to turn on the heat to take the cool dampness out of the air.  Heat??  In Texas in July?

When I started blogging, I decided to blog about family.  We are all born into one and we go out (hopefully) being a part of one.  In between times there's a whole lot of stuff that goes on, some good, some not so good, and some downright ugly (which we usually are embarrassed about or deny is even going on).

Is there such a thing as a perfect family?  I guess so, in story books.  I have found that looks can be deceiving and comparisons unfair.  There is no such thing as a perfect family ~~ every family experiences challenges, trials, and character defects.  All families will have struggles, failures, and secrets.  My family has been and is no different.  For some reason, this blog on my imperfect loves, is the most difficult to write.  It's already gone through many revisions and has sat on my computer for days now (when I publish it, it will be 7/27).

Marriage:
Carl Pederson & Margaret Torguson

In 2011, I made a trip back to my hometown of Glenwood, Minnesota.  I spent some time with my brother and family, attended my Aunt Helen's Celebration of Life Service, met up with some high school friends, and spent some time at the local historical society researching my paternal heritage.  I must say, I left feeling really proud to have been a part of such a wonderful God-loving family.  My Norwegian family was industrious, intelligent, stubborn, kind, giving, and loving.  I was amazed at the detail I found about my father's family from newspaper articles, handwritten notes, and items on display.  I also know that they experienced the Great Depression, illness, cancer, births, deaths, loss of finances, and men marching off to war.  Maybe it's because I was old enough to remember certain instances but I know the family struggled with some of the same things that trouble families today.

The house my grandfather built is on the grounds of the historical society as well as a school my aunt taught school in.  I stood at the door of the room where my grandmother was born.  How about that??  I had read a story about my grandmother's youngest siblings (twins) being born and I could shut my eyes and imagine the story being played out.  I felt such love for the characters ... especially for my great grandfather, Knut.

Next Summer, I hope to go back and research my maternal heritage.  I've been able to do some research on the Internet but there's nothing like hands on digging!  Today I did some instant messaging with my cousin's son who agreed to give me a tour of the family farm.  I can feel my camera heating up!!  Today, I shut my eyes and I could walk through my grandmother's old farmhouse room by room remembering every nook and cranny.  I could see my cousin, Sandy, and I sitting at the top of the stairs putting on my grandmother's old high top dress shoes and giggling about how funny they looked.  One thing about Facebook ~~ it's like having my own family reunion!  I love it!!

Carl Pederson
Helen, Lorna, Ernest

It's so easy to fantasize about my heritage and make it something that it wasn't.  It's way too easy to idolize what was really imperfectly fractured.  Unless I can put my arms around the whole truth, I am left to fill in the blanks and I don't want to do that.  I've wanted to know about real people as they led their day to day lives.  Because Christ died for the sinner, that sinner must be pretty important.  These people are family ~ my family.

I was not born into the wrong family.  My parents were hand selected and my days were ordained by my creator.  I was an imperfect person in an imperfect family ... one that I love very much.  In my own struggles to find peace and wholeness, I have had to forgive those that aren't here to explain themselves.  I still have huge blanks where I have no memory yet, I can be sitting quietly and all of a sudden I will get a glimpse of an event.  The Lord has been gracious enough to allow me to uncover my demons one layer at a time.  He's also been quite diligent in letting me know who my angels were as well.

Know something important?  No matter what, I am choosing to love my unique family.  I am choosing to be open, honest, and filled with the love of God following the principles he has revealed through scripture.

"Whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things." ~~Philippians 4:8 (underlining mine)

Today, I can say with all honesty that my children know that I am their greatest advocate and that they can communicate openly without shame with me concerning their deepest concerns, needs, and thoughts.  I have a love for them that transcends their imperfect nature (and mine!).  I've made so many mistakes in life and I've also done some mighty good things.  Family-For Better or Worse?  I believe that with all my heart.  We're in this life together!!

I hope that my blogs on my imperfect loves has touched your heart.  When all is said and done, these folks on your family tree contributed to who you are past, present, and future.  If there's something you don't like, then take it upon yourself to be the first generation to make a change for the better.

There is a perfect love that makes it possible for me to have evolved into the woman I am today ... the love of my Lord.  He has been my perfect father and friend.  It is he who I learn from and it is he who I worship as almighty.  I am part of the family of believers!  What I learned from him a long time ago was that He doesn't make junk ... He makes gems!!

Always remember that you are loved and prayed for ... each and every day.

Miss Dottie

PS  "What can you do to promote world peace?  Go home and love your family." ~Mother Teresa