Raindrops, so many raindrops

January 8, 2014

Dear God,

Nightfall has come and I am sitting here in the cottage listening to the rain drops hit the roof. The pitter patter seems so soothing to my ragged emotions. Yet, in all my pain, I would never wish to have not had Sadie in my life. A season of tears is nothing compared to the joy and years we shared.

I remember driving over to Dr. Arnold's office and praying that somehow you would take this task from me. From deep inside me, I heard this small soft voice saying, "I will not remove this from you; however, I will give you strength today and courage to face the days ahead." Some folks would say I must be crazy to hear your voice but I do hear it and I am NOT crazy. There is just this peacefulness that comes over me and I am able to put one foot in front of the other and move on. I can't explain the conversations we've always had, you and me ... as soon as I could walk, I headed for your house and looked for you.

"It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed."

 ~Deuteronomy 31:8 (ESV)

My wise companion
Kennedy

I must say, Father, that the Fabulous 5 are different with Sadie gone. We could sense it last night and for sure today. Kennedy has stepped up to the plate and has become the calm, non-agitated top dog; Toby and Zeke play tug of war without aggression; and, the little girls don't go into hysterics when one of the other dogs comes into their space. It's like a blanket of balance has covered Seidler Dogdom once again.

For the past few months (and especially over the past 13 days), we have walked on eggshells trying as best we could to divert Sadie from anything that would trigger an attack on the little ones (or us). I hadn't realized how having an unbalanced dog in the pack could create such turmoil for the entire family. It reminded me of times when I have walked on eggshells around certain people not knowing if or when something I said or did would create a rage or worse, my being isolated. As an adult working through childhood trauma that brought symptoms into my adult years, I was lucky enough to have experienced counselors help create an avenue on which I was able to walk without fear and condemnation. Thank you Lord, for those people who cared enough to be there when I finally could face truth and recognize that I was strong as a child and even stronger as an adult. I still celebrate that day!!

I am reminded once again of the circle of life ... that in my grief, the world moves on and people go about their lives without giving a thought to my loss. Let that be a lesson to me as I minister to others. When I walked through Walmart on Monday, I am sure that I generated some stares with my swollen eyes and tear stained face. The lady at the checkout who is usually so talkative was quiet and avoided eye contact. Help me to be bold in reaching out to others knowing how much I have appreciated the kindness bestowed upon me at this time (and just a year ago when Mom Seidler passed away). Just as Sadie crossed Rainbow Bridge, a new liter of Scottish Terrier puppies was being delivered. How odd ... with death comes rebirth generation after generation.

Father in Heaven, I thank you for listening to me and for the comfort I feel. Help me to move forward appreciating the days and years you have given me. Let me not take them for granted always thinking that there will be another day, another year. I want to smile and know that while I cannot change the past, I can learn from it and grow as your child.  I think of the story of David as he mourned for his ill child that he had conceived with Bathsheba. When the boy died, he got up and gave you thanks. (See II Samuel 12) Let me remember that as I pawrent the Fabulous 5. It was and still is my job to protect and provide for them; and, by golly, I am up to that!

Miss Dottie

PS  "What happens when you let go, when your strength leaves you and you sink into darkness, where there's nothing that you or anyone else can do, no matter how desperate you are, no matter how you try? Perhaps it's then, when you have neither pride nor power, that you are saved, brought to an unimaginably great reward." ~Mark Halperin

"Weeping may remain for a night, 

but rejoicing comes in the morning." ~Psalm 30:5