Late night ramblings...

The Anchor Holds

October 10, 2014
Friday

Dear God,

Hi, it's me. The hour is late and I am winding down from a very unbusy day. My pups went out for last potty call a few minutes ago and I stood outside looking into the sky. Wonder if we are going to get the rain that is predicted. My gardens are parched and sure need that deep drink of heavenly water.

My mind began wandering and I was thinking about the song recorded by Ray Boltz, The Anchor Holds. I saw him perform this song in concert, and it has stuck with me as my own theme song. Every now and then, I sit and listen with my hands folded and my eyes closed. For some reason, it soothes my soul and I feel such a deep peace. Tonight, I felt that need and played it before I started writing.

My body is tired tonight ~ I can't catch my breath and keep yawning. I found out this week that my oxygen levels are really low. Wasn't a real surprise. Doctor is supposed to be setting me up for a sleep study to see if I have sleep apnea. I'm hoping that's what it is 'cause that is fixable. Dr asked me if I snored and I told him what my daughter said on her last visit, "Mom, what is that awful noise coming out of your little body??" Enough said...

I've felt really miserable all week ~ enough where my git up wouldn't git up and go. That means I am out for the count til I am better however long that takes. Michael suggested I ride with him to Waco today just to get out of the house and see if it would help to get some fresh air. Let's just say that I was mighty glad to get home and put my achy breaky head on a pillow.  I think my body is wearing out. I get one part fixed and another one breaks down. I've almost lost count of all the surgeries I've had since November of 2004 ... back, feet, neck then repeat... then repeat again... Last count probably 12 and that's 12 too many. I guess the good news is that the surgeries are fixing my bones but the problem is that the bones above the fixes start to crumble. Then, nerves get pinched causing all sorts of other issues... Grumphhhhh...

Dr Troung

I really like my GP. He's very easy going, compassionate, and thorough. He was asking me about my stress level and was busy clacking away on his lap top as I was sharing the events of the past several months. He stopped typing and said in his Asian accent, "Hmm, sound to me like you need less stress. How you do that?" Easy for him to say. I know what I'll do, I'll invite him to walk in my shoes for a week or two and see how he does. Somehow I picture my sweet doctor sprinting around, black hair sticking straight up in the air screaming "iiiiiiiiiiii...eeeee...iiiiiii!" I know you're laughing with me, aren't you?! As for me, I peek in the corners whispering, "Jesus, Jesus? Are you there?"

Those of you with chronic illness know what I'm talking about. There are times I get so frustrated and disappointed. My mother had Rheumatoid Arthritis and I remember her giving in and not making plans because she "might" be in too much pain. I couldn't understand that then but now I do. I'm trying not to give in because in doing so, I admit defeat and accept the power of a label. I may have ______ but I am not _______!

Doctor Jesus, I want to thank you for being my friend and for helping me through my days of frustration. I know I have many Readers who are dealing with chronic illnesses and tonight I am praying specifically for Gwen, Susan, and Lawaina. What an inspiration they are to me and to those around them. I also want to pray a prayer of thanksgiving for Larry and Jackie. We had this wonderful conversation about our faith and beliefs tonight on Facebook. Oh Lord God, I am in awe at the depth of some of my friendships. To not have to hide behind a facade is priceless. Wouldn't it be wonderful if all our relationships could be like that? I want to encourage others to be open and transparent. Sure there are going to be some people who don't like you and some who walk away from you. There are others who are going to stay, encourage, and appreciate. Remember this ~ for every one who walks away there is room for that special relationship.

For my Readers, always remember that I am praying for you with love, understanding, and with an open heart.

Amen...it is so!

Miss Dottie

PS A few days ago, I read: "A strong woman knows she has strength enough for the journey but a woman of strength knows it is in the journey where she will become strong." Anonymous

I think so ... more than that, I know so.