I'll Love You Forever

May 21, 2015
Thursday Evening

Dear Readers,

I started writing this blog yesterday, and just couldn't... My therapy dog, Kennedy, sits by my side tonight licking my salty tears when they fall. What would I do without Kennedy? Somehow, he just understands... Gonna put my fingers on the keyboard and see how the good Lord is going to speak blog form!

You can call me goofy, but when Zeke was murdered by a truck (the driver didn't stop and I was standing right there), and a couple months later, Finn hung himself in his crate by his dog tags, I thought I wasn't going to be able to breathe much less walk through the darkness of loss. To even begin to talk about the unfairness of loss is still painful.

Today, my dear friends Brad and Diane would have been welcoming their grandson, Kasen. Kasen's stillbirth still haunts them. I've lost grandchildren and I "get" their pain. As I was praying for them these words came before me:

Today I'll love you forever,

I'll like you for always,

as long as I'm living

my baby you'll be.

You'll probably recognize those words from Robert Munsch's children's book, LOVE YOU FOREVER. I've bought several books as gifts and you may have as well.

To recap, the book starts out with a mother rocking her newborn baby. From there the baby grows into a toddler, a caked with dirt boy, a teenager, and eventually, a husband and father with a baby of his own. I really didn't know the story behind the book which was written as a song for the author's two stillborn babies. To quote Mr Munsch:

"I made that up after my wife and I had two babies born dead. The song was my song to my dead babies. For a long time I had it in my head and I couldn't even sing it because every time I tried to sing it I cried. It was very strange having a song in my head that I couldn't sing.

For a long time it was just a song but one day ... it occurred to me that I might be able to make a story around the song.

Out popped LOVE YOU FOREVER, pretty much the way it is the book."

When I thought about I LOVE YOU FOREVER and knew the background I saw it in a new light. It's about the love that persists beyond time and space and an ode to those parents and grandparents who never had the chance to rock their babies and grandbabies.

I talked awhile last Sunday with Brad and Diane, and knew it was going to be a tough week for them. The loss of a child is unexplainable and grief cannot be measured or hurried. I have looked towards the skies and said, "Little ones, this is grandma, I will be seeing you soon in Heaven ... until then, just know how much I love you."

There is something about the creation of new life that sends me to the moon with the deepness of love that cannot be explained. As a Bible-believing Christian, I believe in the sanctity of life. I believe that each soul is created for a purpose.

Psalm 139:12-14 says, "Even the darkness is not dark to You, And the night is as bright as the day. Darkness and light are alike to You. For You formed my inward parts; You wove me in my mother's womb. I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Wonderful are Your works, And my soul knows it very well..."

We are chosen for a particular God-given purpose ~ yes, even the stillborn have purpose. When I am deep in sorrow, I think about Job ... "Naked came I out of my mother's womb, and naked shall I return thither. The Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord." Job 1:21

In my brokenness in the deep pits of life, how could I possibly trust and praise my Lord? Praise God for pain and loss??? Oh that's a tough one. Do I have a choice? Of course I do. The loss of a loved one leaves such a hole and the scars are always there. Those that grieve deeply, love deeply ... simple as that. I wouldn't want to be any other way. I know Brad and Diane wouldn't want to be any other way either.

Father God in heaven, I pray for all those affected by stillbirths and miscarriages. I pray that your love would be poured out upon them! I especially pray for those mothers and fathers whose homes are empty without the laughter of children ... for those grandparents who feel the loss of children, grandchildren, and great~grandchildren. Help us to recognize the tear in the eye of the grieving. For those not knowing what to do or say? Sometimes, just a hug and "I care" means a lot. God, let us not become complacent, selfish, and hard-hearted. I pray for comfort and the thoughts of beautiful memories, the chance for even a moment to say hello. Jesus take the wheel of your people who are struggling. Sometimes, we hang on for dear life when we should be doing what we can then allowing You to take over. As I look upwards into the misting rain, I know there will be a rainbow ... You promised! Amen, dear Jesus, Amen!

Miss Dottie

PS "Some people say it is a shame. Others even imply that it would have been better if the baby had never been created. But the short time I had with my child is precious to me. It is painful to me, but I still wouldn't wish it away. I prayed that God would bless us with a baby. Each child is a gift, and I am proud that we cooperated with God in the creation of a new soul for all eternity. Although not with me, my baby lives." ~~Christine O'Keeffe Lafser, An Empty Cradle, a Full Heart: Reflections for Mothers and Fathers after Miscarriaage, Stillbirth, or Infant Death.

New Adventures

May 19, 2015
Tuesday

Dear Readers,

Do I dare say the sun is trying to peek from behind the clouds?  I've lived in Texas for quite some time and have not seen a wetter Spring with more dangerous storms. Michael said that his dad built the storm shelter so that they wouldn't have to go under the house in bad weather. I'm glad that he had the foresight to build this little fortress as I really have felt safe the couple times we've used it this year.

I really need to get back into blogging. After my surgery in March, my thoughts would race through my head and, although, I would start blogs, I would get frustrated and rarely finish one. I've also been dealing with some personal issues that didn't belong "out there" for the world to dissect. My nature has always been to pull away and quiet my brain and gather strength in my sails. I've always enjoyed my own company but to become a hermit has never been in the cards! It's time to spread my wings!

This past Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, I had the opportunity to feast on the words of Evangelist Jeremiah Bolich. I always enjoy listening to testimonies and the making of great men and women. It's not really so much about what horrible things happen to us, around us, and within us ... it's more about what we do with our stepping stones to faith, trust, and wholeness. Believe me, I know from first hand experience that in sharing our stories, we are able to draw others to the Lord God. Since I came from a world of "keeping secrets" and "not making waves," it took every bit of courage I had to open my mouth as I addressed my fellow believers. It's never gotten easier to be totally honest and open about my past but when God taps me on the shoulder, I respond because I know that if He brings me to it, He will bring me though it.

After Bible Study on Saturday, we stopped at the Carver Homestead in Whitney to attend an estate sale. I'd always wanted to tour this mansion and wasn't going to miss an opportunity to get inside the doors. The house (although quite run down) didn't disappoint. I picked up 4 old rusty garden stakes that held votive candles (Wabi-Sabi), a beautiful glass juicer, and a book for $4. Most of all, I enjoyed standing inside the house imagining what life was like there in the 1800's and early 1900's. Naturally, I had to go home and google the house and it's history.

When I woke up on Sunday, I was stoked. I was ready wayyy before time to head out and was able to spend some time in prayer. When I got in the car, I had this feeling of joy knowing my day would be extra special. I truly believe that if we expect bad that's what we get ... sometimes a double dose!! I am doing a refresh of thinking positive and expecting good. Guess what? Sunday, I got a double dose of joy.

When I got to church, I hurried up and got my seat saved. Then, it was time to visit, hug, and catch up. Thirty minutes just wasn't enough to greet old friends and meet some new ones! After a fabulous service of rockin' with The Open Range Band, listening to Miss Kitty, Pastor Rick, and the guest Evangelist, we headed to the kitchen for a sumptuous meal prepared by Scooter and his helpers. OMG, BBQ that melted in my mouth, beans perfectly seasoned, and a peach cobbler cooked in a cast iron pot set the stage for a perfect afternoon.

We did go home for awhile to let our precious furry kids outside, get on a change of clothes fit for the Arena, and then headed back to church. I'd never been to a buck-out before and I wanted to see for myself what these little buckaroos did for fun. I stood at the railing watching dads, moms, rodeo clowns, and kids having the time of their lives. The littlest guy riding a sheep must have been all of a year and a half old (the guys held him on his sheep so he wouldn't fall) ... there were kids riding sheep, calves, and young bulls (yep, the kind with horns!). I cheered, I laughed, and secretly wished I could go back in time and ride one of those critters!

Quite a few years ago, the company I worked for took us all on a trail ride that ended at a log cabin where we feasted on Texas BBQ. What fun that was. Wellll, Terry and Susie brought their horse, Hopper (short for Grasshopper!) to the Arena so I could ride him. Two months out of back surgery and I was on a horse. (Shhhh, don't tell Dr. Carmody!). Hopper sided up to the rail and I climbed over and dropped on! You know, I felt like a little kid. I didn't ride long but I knew I wanted to ride again.

It's wonderful to be able to not let fear take over and inhibit me from doing what I want to do on a day to day basis. I've had some choices to make over the past year ... either stay home and cry because I had no car to go anywhere, cry because I was lonely, cry because finances were constricting, give myself a pity party OR, I could bloom where I was planted enjoying what was before me. It seems like every few weeks someone that I know is dying or has died. I call those wake up calls ~ wake up calls to not miss a moment of joy just because I would rather my joy come from another place. Nope, that's why I went to watch the kids ride and that's why I climbed on Hopper. No regrets.

I have entered the world of the Cowboy who lives for Jesus. As a child, sitting in a pew at Glenwood Lutheran, I could never have dreamed of being where I am today. My plan was to marry a man from Minnesota and live there my entire life surrounded by family and friends. I guess God had other plans because I no more than walked down the aisle and we were headed for the Proving Grounds (Army), Yuma, AZ. After that I went back to Minnesota for a short time then zip, I was headed for Houston, TX. It's been quite a ride!

Dear God, As I sit here in the cottage this Tuesday morning, I am feeling pretty mellow. I have this smile on my face wondering what journey You and I will take today. I have lots of work I could be doing inside but if the weather permits, I will be out trimming rose bushes and cleaning up after last night's wind/rain. I pray for my fellow Christians who are facing trials of this world ~ sickness, surgeries, roads of healing, discouragement, loss, financial woes... I pray prayers of joy for those experiencing your tender love ... the return of a wayward son or daughter, restored relationships, and fruitful adventures. You are calling, wooing, and blessing your sons and daughters, equipping them for service. It is in giving that we receive ~ it is in grieving that we are comforted ~ it is in dying to self that we are blessed. Father, I know first hand what it is to experience disappointment, sorrow, and hurt. I also know what it is to trust when life just doesn't go the way I planned. I think about Job and admire his faith. If he could, I can, and so can you, my Readers. As I pray, I am reminded of a phone call I received last week ~ a call from a young woman who I've known since she was 19. She had faced shame and had to work through repentance, atonement, and coming to the realization of what she experienced would be part of her ministry to other women. You equip us by allowing us to experience life in all arenas. Thank you Jesus, for the long ago ministry of the Need A Friend, Be a Friend group ... Thank you Jesus, for using each of us to wrap our arms around our brothers and sisters who have a need. This day, I call upon You to bless the socks off each and every person whose lives are touched by my blog. Let Your voice be heard! Amen, it is so!

Miss Dottie

PS  Never approach a bull from the front, a horse from the rear or a fool from any direction. ~~Old West Proverb
PSS Now that I've given you some recipes for a great day, "Get your tushy up off the couch and get after it!"

You raise me up!

May 7, 2015
Thursday

Dear God,

This is one of the those days when I feel weak but strong, confused but well aware, frightened yet fortified by your armor. I am a warrior, always have been, always will be. If the patio was clean, I'd invite you to sit beside me there;  but, everything is out of the laundry room for cleaning ~ how about you sit in the lawn chair and I'll sit beside you? Good with you? Alright! If you will come tomorrow for tea, everything will be back in it's place. I hope!

You know, sometimes our bodies and hearts are so full with icky dead stuff ~ stuff that takes up so much room that there isn't much room left for love, peace, joy! I hate that. Just like my laundry room, I'm needing to clean out the junk ... the stuff that makes me sad, bad, and defeated. You raise me up, yes you do!! I can do this! Ever stand before the mirror and give yourself pep talks? No, you're God. You've given us the Bible for our pep talks. And, you've given us pastors like Pastor Rick and Pastor Dudley who minister to their flocks based on Biblical principles. 

Several crazy things have happened in the last year and a half that were totally out of my control. I've struggled, prayed, and pleaded with you to restore what was taken from me. I've pouted, cried, and gotten angry. Then there was this light bulb that went off in my head that said, "Dummy, you are a prisoner of your own making!" Whoa now that just hit me in the face.

I have been a prisoner with the key to my cell within reach. Me? ... I? ... Umm, yes, I have the key, why haven't I used it? Last night I watched a show on TV involving human trafficking. Perpetrators abuse and whittle away at souls until even if they have the opportunity, they stay where they are. Life is what it is. Pretty pathetic, huh?

There are times that I don't understand me and then, there are days that I am fully aware of where I was, where I am, and where I want to be. You're looking at me with that look aren't You? (Smile) OK, I get it. 

Last Tuesday, I went to First Baptist Church to hear Kristen Jane Anderson share her story of depression, attempted suicide, the loss of both her legs, and how You have blessed and used her. I bought her book and it's good; yet, I'm so glad I heard her story direct from her own lips.  There's something about being front and center to hear a testimony. I was "present" in every sense of the word. I wanted to know what had happened to create this woman of beauty, grace, and realness. Nothing against First Baptist but I wondered why their teens weren't there. I wondered why, when You created this opportunity, that the church wasn't cram packed. Since then, I've been praying that as she goes out to speak that the youth would flock to listen and ask questions.

I called my neighbor and asked her if she would like to go with me to hear Kristin speak. She loves Oprah and I told her that Kristen had been on her show. It didn't make any difference, once she heard that it was to be held at First Baptist and that Kristen was a Christian speaker, she bowed her back, got this scowl on her face and said, "I prefer not to go." God, why is it that some people don't like You? Is it because they have been hurt by the church or are blaming you for something in their lives? It makes me so sad because You are what she needs to fill those empty holes in her being. She even hates it that the courthouse on the square plays hymns at noon. I know it bothers her when I roll down my car window so that I can hear better. 

I find myself walking on egg shells as to not offend when I am thinking I should be more bold. What would You do? Well, from what I've learned about You is that You hold out a hand and give us free choices. We either grab hold or recoil. Simple or as complicated as that.

In John 3:19-21, You tell us, "And this is the condemnation, that the light has come into the world, and men loved darkness rather than light, because their deeds were evil. For everyone practicing evil hates the light and does not come to the light, lest his deeds should be exposed. But he who does the truth comes to the light, that his deeds may be clearly seen, that they have been done in God."

When I thought about that I realized that if I can't or won't admit that I am a fallen sinner, then I will see no need to accept Jesus as my personal Savior. I will then become totally self-sufficient and totally self-reliant in my own tunnel vision; and, I will go on my way living this life as though I am in complete control of my destiny. When I think about it, this is the exact attitude and path that many atheists, agnostics, and secular people are now taking. Either we make the decision to follow You  or follow the ways of the world. We can't have this both ways. The stubborn fool says, "No one is going to tell me what to do or how to live my life." Ah, huh...

Father God, in the name of Jesus, I now plead that his blood would be poured over your people. I plead the Blood of Jesus against demons who may try to come against your people as we prepare to vote for President of the United States.  Raise up a man/woman of God whose character stands on your holy word. Protect the Church and our country against demons, back-biters, and smooth-talking wolves in sheep's clothing. Father, in the name of Jesus, I have full faith and belief that You will protect those who belong to you. There will come a day when ALL knees will bow, proclaiming you king. (Romans 14:11) Until then, grant us an extra measure of strength, wisdom, and courage to speak out in your name. Thank you Father ~ Thank you Jesus.

Miss Dottie

NOTE TO READERS: I love to read quotes and came across this one that really fit with what I was thinking today:

"Now, what happens if you eliminate anything from the Bible that offends your sensibility and crosses your will? If you pick and choose what you want to believe and reject the rest, how will you ever have a God who can contradict you? You won't! You'll have ... A God, essentially, of your own making, and not a God with whom you can have a relationship and genuine interaction. Only if your God can say things that outrage you and make you struggle (as in a real friendship or marriage!) will you know that you have gotten hold of a real God and not a figment of your imagination. So an authoritative Bible is not the enemy of a personal relationship with God. It is the precondition for it." ~Timothy Keller, The Reason for God: Belief in an Age of Skepticism

Wabi-Sabi

May 1. 2015
Friday

Dear Readers,

What a beautiful day. We've had wonderful rains this Spring and my garden is spectacular. I always say plant (ready, year one), root (set, year two), grow (go, year three)! I've always envisioned my own little Garden of Eden aka an English Country Garden and it's getting there. It's been an undertaking of love with plants coming from empty lots, friends, and Lowe's sale table at the end of the season.

Three years ago, the back yard was a mess of weeds and dirt. There was a brown shed behind the garage that was falling down. Not much to work with except a few trees that Dad Seidler had planted. Today, it shines with color and texture!

I had my camera with me yesterday and had fun shooting some pictures. I put them on my computer and posted some thoughts on Facebook. I wondered if anyone else appreciated the imperfectness of old houses and architectural details. Surprisingly I had quite a few comments ~ the most intriguing was from my cousin's wife in Minneapolis, MN. She simply said: Wabi-Sabi. Being naturally curious, I googled it and thought, "Imperfect, just my kind of perfect!"

Wabi-Sabi is the Japanese art of finding beauty in imperfection and profoundness in nature. It is accepting the natural cycle of growth, decay, and death. As I walk the streets where I live, I am intrigued by the once splendor homes of a once thriving community. Many famous celebrities graced our streets and I can shut my eyes and imagine the activity going on as folks sat on their front porches sipping tea (sweetened, of course).  Wabi-Sabi is aged wood, the celebration of cracks and crevices and all the other marks that time, weather, and loving use leave behind. I keep thinking someone will notice the beauty of these old homes and realize what a bargain they are.

I came here (not happily I might add) to live in the house Michael grew up in. The lil casa as I call it has become home despite it's need for tender loving care. We gutted the house and brought it back into the twenty first century without losing it's history. I found peace in the moss growing on the front steps and the cracked paint on the handrails. Our contractor, Lupe, wanted to power wash the stone facade but I said no.

Mom Seidler didn't care much about the outside of the house preferring to stay inside and watch TV. Me? I envisioned a lil casa with an English Country Garden with sections set apart as if time gradually gave birth to new gardens.  In March of 2012, I sat on top of the storm shelter looking down at a dilapidated garage wondering if I could find someone to take my vision and run with it. I didn't want a new garage, I wanted an imperfectly perfect place where I could write, pray, and have that much needed time of reflection. The beams have holes where dad's tools hung, the floor is wood (painted, made to look very old). I have a claw foot tub to relax in ... there are no inside doors. I was fortunate because I found a contractor who would work with me day by day to use what we had and not make it look new. Two other contractors had told me I was crazy to renovate a termite infested garage that never held a car.

In Wabi-Sabi, the ability to make do with less is revered. Throughout my life, I have lived in new homes filled with exquisite furnishings. In 2002, God showed me that life was not about stuff and I began to live differently. I lived in a 3700 sq foot home ~ every room, nook, and cranny was filled. I sold furniture, I asked my children to bring moving vans and take what they wanted. What was left, I gave away ... oriental rugs, paintings ... stuff. I kept only enough to furnish a one bedroom apartment. I found harmony, peace, tranquility, and balance.  I lived simply, unmaterialisticly, and humble. I became my perfectly imperfect self. 

Have you ever taken a drive in the country just because? Have you stopped to look an an old car left in to rust transforming the field from an eyesore into a part of the landscape? My great grandfather came to Stevens County, Minnesota and established a beautiful working farm. There was an orchard, gardens of flowers and vegetables, silos, and various other buildings including a huge barn. Horses were used for transportation and cows drank from a water tank. Today, no one lives there ... there is an abandoned barn, an old farmhouse once alive with family has fallen into decay. I want so badly to go back and see the orchard and the place where I played as a child ~ a place where my mother was born and grew into a woman. I need to do that soon.

When I was in England, I loved the patina of cobblestone streets and buildings of centuries ago.  My maternal family came to America in the 1500's from England bringing with them a simplicity of purpose. Wabi-Sabi is the gift of time, the gift of things old and weathered. The gift of ancestry and culture. I like that!

I have the love letters my father wrote my mother in WWII. I have the diary, my mother kept when she was in high school.  It means a lot to touch, to see, to feel what they were feeling.  I have odd pieces that I've found in abandoned houses and  everything has a story. I like it that way!! Candles light the shadowed corners at dusk. Yes, I am drawn to weathered, warped, shrinking, cracking, and peeling.

The article I read on Wabi-Sabi was enlightening. I got a chuckle out of the statement, "Wabi, not slobby." Wabi-Sabi is not using it as an excuse for an unmade bed, an unswept floor, or soiled furniture. Wabi-Sabi is never messy, ragged, dirty. As I thought about Wabi-Sabi and what it meant to me, I realized that the reason my treasures are so precious is because the patina of time gives them beauty and a story.

Sorry, Readers, Miss Dottie is a clean fanatic. When my surroundings are dirty and cluttered, my state of being becomes agitated. To me, cleanliness implies respect. When my bed is neatly made, the romance of an old quilt blossoms.  My well worn books beg to be picked up and read. The oak wood sloped floors exhibit the remembrance of nearly 70 years of being tread upon. I laugh as I walk from the bedroom to the kitchen ~ if I had a ball it would naturally roll in front of me.

The lil casa and cottage are meant to be welcoming ... a sanctuary for me and all who enter. I have been struggling with back issues for the past year and had extensive surgery two months ago. It has bothered me that I have not been able to get down and scrub my floors and be able to welcome guests any time of day or evening. Today, Wabi-Sabi was on my mind and I made a list of things that I needed to do, some things that I needed help doing, and other things that would further my love of all things old that have been worn with time. 

I walked out to the back garden and looked at my table and chairs (an old set from an ice cream parlor). Mom had a beautiful old tablecloth that would be perfect on it. The more I thought about it, the more excited I got about having friends over for some sweetened iced tea and cake.  I am reminded that with each friend that comes to call there is an opportunity to enjoy good company and the sharing of times past, present, future. I know not what might happen tomorrow or even during a day. Stopping to share conversation with someone I love is an easy opportunity to promote a sense of caring. Picture this ... a table set with a beautiful old tablecloth from 1950, a vase (circa 1950) of roses from the garden that gives off a heavenly scent, freshly brewed iced tea, and some baked goods. Can you hear the sound of water splashing in the fountain and know that this is a place of peace, harmony, and fellowship? Humor me, close your eyes and imagine.

I think that Wabi-Sabi is a mind set. It's learning to be satisfied with life, stripping away the perfect and living in the moment appreciative of a time gone by and the opportunity think about my own legacy.  As I walk through my gardens, I feel a sense of contentment. I am able to look at the many different gardens planted at different times with stone borders. I am so glad that Dianne mentioned Wabi-Sabi, the Japanese art of imperfect beauty.

HGTV is renovating an old home just down the street. They have taken off the modern siding and are bringing it back to the magnificent home it once was. I hope they will use salvaged materials and find the history underneath years of modernization. Maybe I'll take a walk down there tomorrow and have a look see. Our little city is full of beautiful old homes that are crying out to be saved. The weeds are growing up, the picket fences falling down, and porches that once meant gathering to connect are warped with boards missing. It makes me so sad...

This blog is a little different. Two of my passions are that of a creative designer using old interesting pieces and that of gardening. You might say I have a God-given creative bent!

Miss Dottie

Heavenly Father, I thank you for old houses, memorabilia, and the art of Wabi-Sabi. There are times when I swear you take my heart and pour it into my creative endeavors. I pray for those on my prayer list. For those experiencing pain, I pray for relief!! For those children in South America that are being used to satisfy the perversions of pedophiles, I pray for freedom ... I pray that these houses of evil to be burned to the ground and the people who cultivate this kind of atrocity would be arrested. I pray for those who are struggling with depression and a sense of desperation. Show them your tender mercy and grace. For those who are ill, I pray for healing ~ for those seeking employment, I pray for doors to open. Be with your children Father as we struggle. Move mightily as souls are won. Please Lord show mercy to our country as we have fallen into the pits of self-centeredness. Open our hearts, minds, and souls as we reach out in your son Jesus' name. Amen!!

April Storms

April 27, 2015
Monday

Dear God,

Come on, let me push the branches off the chairs and let's sit awhile. That was quite a display of fireworks You put on last night. I came to Texas in 1970 and I don't think I've ever experienced a storm like that.

Many years ago, Dad Seidler had a storm shelter put in the back yard. It has walls over a foot thick, a heavy door that locks from the inside, and is equipped with vents and electricity. Thanks for thinking ahead, Dad!! Once I got inside, I snuggled down in my soft smell-good blankets with the 5 furry kids and felt very safe. Ruffy, Zoe, and I nearly fell asleep. How about that!! With a nasty storm raging, how could I have felt so peaceful? Maybe it was that everyone that mattered was in the shelter and we were safe. Maybe I knew You were in control. I said a prayer for the storm trackers and those who didn't have a shelter. Michael also said a prayer and we waited.

Storms seem to come when I least expect them. It looked like the storm was going to travel just north of us but, at the last moment, I heard the weatherman say, those in Hillsboro need to seek shelter immediately. What?? I wasn't quite prepared. I yelled for Michael to take some blankets and water to the shelter. Our 5 furry kids were nervous and were jumping up and down barking their heads off. By the time Michael took the blankets and water to the shelter and got back to the house, it was pouring rain. I handed Toby and Harmony to him and I grabbed Kennedy, Zoe, and Ruffy. We were all soaked with cold rain by the time we were all down in the shelter. Sure was glad to have the blankets to wrap up in.

We were listening to the rain and hail come down ~ I was trying not to think about my flowers and rose bushes. Michael had turned the light on but for some odd reason, I was wishing that I'd brought candles to light. I shut my eyes to heighten my senses ... when the hail pelleted the metal door, my heart skipped a beat. I opened my eyes wide when the pitter patter of hail and rain sounded more like a freight train. I doubt if we had any tornadic activity, (probably more like really loud thundering rain). We weren't in the shelter too long before there was a quiet stillness calling calling us back to the house. The storm was over as quickly as it started.

I remember when I was 7 or 8 and my brother a year younger. We were living in an old house on Franklin Street in Glenwood, Minnesota. My mother called from work and told us that there were bad storms in the area and possibly a tornado. We were to go to the cellar and stay there. I wasn't afraid, it was just another adventure. Now, let me tell you about the cellar ~ it had a coal bin, a dirt floor, and had wooden shelves lined with canned goods. There were clothes lines and a wringer washer & tubs in the center of the room. It was nasty, dank, and dark. My brother was scared but I told him if if the storm took our house, we could live in the cellar I was so sure that no matter what happened outside, we would be safe and still have a place to live. I'd remembered to bring my colors and paper with me so I drew a picture of our (possible) future dwelling. My dad got home at 4 o'clock and I couldn't wait to tell him of my plans. I am happy to report that we didn't have to live in the cellar ...ever!

Children have a way of making bleakness, sorrow, and destruction a stepping stone to something better. Maybe that's why You love kids so much. They trust, they celebrate, they dream. Even in the midst of storms, they are often able to flourish. It was a sad day for me in 2002 when I had to move out of my beautiful home, get rid of most of my worldly goods, and go to a small apartment. By the time, everything was loaded up, given away, and gone, my eyes were filled with tears. My little granddaughter, Madison, grabbed my hand and rallied everyone in the den. She proceeded to teach us the "Tooty Ta Song". I will be forever grateful to her for her caring nature and in giving me a pleasant memory to cherish forever. I decided to add the song to my blog. Don't feel silly dancing around in your living room!

Father, so often we don't understand the trials and tribulations of this earth. There are so many going through storms: illness, divorce, infertility, broken hearts, death of loved ones, and crushed bones.  Homes have been ripped off foundations, trees ripped from their places in the soil, and who knows what else. Please quiet the masses and deliver them from the unknown. Comfort their fears, and give them a reason to keep on keepin' on. Lord, the evil one lurks in dark corners and is ready to pounce on our hearts.  In your infinite wisdom, you know what your children need. Bring forth  that feeling of peace. One day at a time ... one storm at a time. You are in control, let us rest in that. Amen, it is so!

Miss Dottie

NOTE TO READERS:  "There's always another storm. It's the way the world works. Snowstorms, rainstorms, windstorms, sandstorms, and firestorms. Some are fierce and others are small. You have to deal with each one separately, but you need to keep an eye on what's brewing for tomorrow." ~Maria V. Snyder

The Termites of Life...

April 20, 2015
Monday

Dear God,

I am really feeling the need to talk with you this afternoon. It's our daily chats that keep me keepin' on. There are times when I kneel to talk to you but, for some reason, I like these times when I can envision you sitting beside me outside in one of the comfy rattan chairs close to me. Your presence calms me no matter what is going on.

I have had termites in the cottage. Easter morning, I put on my "high-heeled" shoes and oops(!) the heel went through the board in front of the closet. After a couple of tries to find a termite guy, we got a great fellow to come out and spray. Termites? GONE!! Lupe, the contractor who did the cottage, will be replacing the floor boards and repainting. He also has to sand, restain, and put a poly coat on some of the floors in the lil casa. I figure we will be back to normal by the end of May. Yay!! 

Termites are a common problem in redoing old houses and turning dilapidated garages into something livable.  Often times it's not if those pesky bugs will appear but when. Anyway, I am grateful that they didn't do more damage than they did ~ the boards can be replaced, and I can go on down the road handling the next hiccough on this path called life.

I was sitting outside yesterday, and I thought about how termites are like the sin that eats away at our lives. They appear pretty non-threatening; and, for quite some time, work behind the scenes. They flourish in wet, dank, darkness.  Seemingly invisible to the naked eye, they're eating away one bite at a time.

Ever been tempted and thought, "just this one time, no one needs to know." Unless I am unique, when we are tempted by the evil one (Satan knows our weaknesses, our Achilles Heels, our fears, and fantasies), the taste is there ... yummy, feels good! We can get puffed up, thinking we are bullet proof. But, before long, just like termites, the damage is done and oops, we fall. Not only do we fall, everyone around us knows ~ our sin is in the light. GASP!! SHAME!! BLAME!! Unless, we can find an accountability person and do some cleaning out ... mentally, spiritually, and physically, we are apt to live some pretty shallow, sinful, lives. I need an accountability partner because, left to my own devices, I can talk myself into anything. I hate that but I am aware that it is the truth.

You and I do business every morning and every night, don't we. There's just something about being transparent with You that helps me have a great day and a restful night. I want to be a better person because I love You and your son, Jesus. Psalm 139: 23-24 says: "Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me and know my anxious thoughts; And see if there be any hurtful way in me, And lead me in the everlasting way." I really want to see my faults. After Jesus died on the cross, the law was no more and gave way to grace. How grateful I am for the love ... pure unadulterated love. You loved us sinners that much!!

I think about this love note in the Bible:  For You so loved the world that You gave your only begotten Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.  I wonder how many people would put their sons or daughters on a cross to be crucified for sinners, no less.

I experienced abuse as a child. Some from my parents but the major abuse came from predators known by my family. Now, think about this ... what if my parents put me on a cross to save my abusers? Tough one, eh? Well, You, my God loved us that much ~ incomprehensible to the average person.

There have been times when I've been so battered and my heart broken into a gazillion pieces. There have been times that I've felt so alone and vulnerable. I thank my paternal grandmother and my parents for taking me to church as a child where I learned about You, Jesus, and the Holy Ghost/Spirit. By the time I was confirmed and a member of the Lutheran Church, I knew, without a doubt that You were my best friend. As I weathered storms, I knew I could count on you to take care of me and You didn't disappoint.

I wonder. The news is full of teens who experience being bullied, pregnancy, and a host of other atrocities. If they don't know about Jesus, who can they turn to? So often, abortion, murder, or suicide seem like their only options. It saddens my heart because I know that without Jesus, Satan would have led me into promiscuity, drugs, alcohol,cheating, lying, and the list goes on and on. As it was, my conscience was too big for me to enter the world of darkness. I had a therapist say to me during a particular tough session, "God has been with you from birth and has had his hand upon you. Most people who have gone through what you have wouldn't be sane."

My secrets had to be brought into the light, evil tapes in my subconscious needed to be addressed and replaced with Your words of affirmation. I'm not kidding You ~ there were times that I didn't think that I could face my demons ~ but, I did and my Readers can too!!

Thank you for giving me the gift of eternal life. Thank you for opening the door and for me having the courage to walk on through. Life is good now. Amen!!

Miss Dottie

NOTE TO READERS:  Why is it that we, so often, shape God into who we believe he is?We look for relationships and churches that meet our idea of a moral life forgetting about what God desires? Why do we not read his word? Food for thought...

I am continually finding myself taking my salvation for granted. Why do I say this? I say it because I don't spend nearly enough time giving thanks to the Lord Almighty for all He has done for me.  I attend a church in a little town just 14 miles away that is filled with love for the Lord and for it's members and community. Each Sunday, I am aware of how little I give and how much I get. I guess I could find a church close to home but I know I am where God wants me. I have been asking for a car for months now but I need to be patient and do the things I can without wheels! I pray that as you reflect on your own salvation that you consider what you can do to show God how much you love Him. Amen?

I am a big fan of people who offer words of wisdom as I move forward in life. Kristin Armstrong said: "I write about the power of trying, because I want to be okay with failing. I write about generosity because I battle selfishness. I write about joy because I know sorrow. I write about faith because I almost lost mine, and I know what it is to be broken and in need of redemption. I write about gratitude because I am thankful ~ for all of it."

Always remember, my Readers, you are loved and prayed for ... Ya You!!

Thank You for the Past, Present, Future!

Thank you!

April 10, 2015
Friday

Dear God,

I heard you at the front door of the lil casa ~ go around to the side of the house and let's sit on the patio today. The Trumpet Vine is really tooting it's horn and it's so peaceful there. I am feeling very filled with gratitude this morning. Oh, I know I have things that I wish were different yet those don't seem to matter and I am remembering the good, the fresh, the blessings! Sorry, I don't have any wine but how about some sweetened iced tea? You're in your robe, I'm in my robe. We're good!

Last Sunday was Easter. I was in kind of a purple funk because I spent most of the day by myself. I am a big family person so I decided to recall those happy Easters when I was surrounded by family and close friends.  I remembered what You did for me on the cross and that little voice, "If all you have is Me, am I not enough?" (John 14:8) Yes, You are! I remembered this song we used to sing at Grace Church. I dug around in UTube and found it. All the glory of past, present, and future is good and I smiled.

Father, all my days were ordained of You (Psalm 139:16). Looking back I can see why things happened the way they did and today, I know for certain that You are there ... period ... past, present, future. I attended the Open Range Cowboy Church on Easter morning and, as usual, was so filled by the Holy Spirit that I was overflowing. When we had the opportunity to shake sumbuddies hand, I said a little prayer for each person I touched. I knew that there were probably others who would dine alone that day and I wanted to give them a blessing and a smile.

If the Open Range Church would have presented itself years ago, I don't think I would have been receptive. I was a city girl entrenched in the doctrine of Martin Luther. When we were thinking of moving to be closer to Mom Seidler, I prayed and knew that it was the right thing to do. When I got here, I was so unhappy. I was away from family and friends that I'd known for years and boy howdy, I was downright sad. I'd say, "Why Lord, why did you bring me here?" I hit bottom, and hit it hard. I think that if I'd had a flush bank account, I would have flown the coop, not looking back. I had to decide and I chose to be obedient to You and trust that You knew what was best for me. All I needed to do was get up off the ground and be open to your promptings. Look at what I would have missed had I packed up and left. You knew ~ I just had to be patient!

Along came Susan and John ... they invited and invited and invited. One day, I just said, "Michael, whether you go with me or not, I am going to church." I've never looked back. My life seemed to fall into place and I felt that radiance coming back into my spirit. I must write about obedience in another blog because that's another story that needs telling. I am feeling a little cut off from extra church activities because I don't have a car but, I know You are working on that for me and I am going to be a happy camper. For now, I must be content meeting those that attend on Sunday mornings. I figure that this is Step 3, in my journey there (the first was accepting Susan's invitation, the second was joining the church). Step 3 has been being a regular attender ~ learning names, and doing what I can to encourage.

Whoa! Homer, Carolyn!!
I want to climb on and go where y'all are going!!

For whatever reason, I have met some salt of the earth folks who love You a lot! Branden made me a church diary and pen to record each Sunday's songs and messages. Pastor Rick made a leather cover for a Bible (as it turned out, it was the exact same version of the Bible that I used in a two-year Word and Witness Study. Now, it's MINE! AND, last Sunday Edwin (the Open Range Band drummer) gave me the sticks he used to record the band's second CD. From more women than I can count, I have received wisdom, encouragement, and an offer of friendship. It's blowing my mind. One Sunday, a woman that I had not seen before tapped me on the shoulder and said, "I don't know how old you are, but as I grow older, I want to be like you." Now, that's another story for another time but I knew it was You affirming that I was beautiful in Your eyes. Nancy B also gave me a message Sunday and I almost lost it. Angels unaware!!

I have my own version of Naomi & Ruth...
Gosh, there's two ladies that always make
my day a bit brighter. Vivian & Susie...

Thank you my King for where I am now in life. My natural personality would be that of a Type B ~ low key, steady, creative. HOWEVER, push me against a wall and my Type A tendencies come out and my nails are sharp as daggars!! God says I am wonderfully complex. Others, might say I am ... well, complex with a driving edge.  I am because You are I AM! (John 8:58) Think on that one awhile!!

Father, Son, Holy Spirit, thank you for restoring what the locusts have eaten (Joel 2:25). I am reminded that I live on Your time. My prayers for Miss Vivian were answered and I could have hugged the stuffing out of her at church. I am missing someone and haven't seen him in awhile (Crazy Mike). Please touch him wherever he is and bring him back to his seat on the front row. I want to lift up my friend, Peggy, whose son just passed away ~ oh Father, comfort her at this time. For those on my prayer list, I pray for tenacity when the going gets rough, for peace in doing what You ask and leaving the consequences in Your hands. Death has come calling over the past week ... some expected, some sudden and tragic. Be with those as they grieve. One of the pastors I admire so much, Pastor Steve in Costa Rica, has had the crud. Just as he prayed for my concerns, I prayed for his. Isn't that what it's all about? Helping to carry our brothers' and sisters' burdens (Galatians 6:2) should come naturally but, alas, so often it doesn't. It's about to rain AND my friend, Beverly just invited me to lunch. Help me to reach her for You!! She's such a good person but very anti-Christian anything. To You goes my glory, to You goes my praise, to You, I give my life!! Amen, it is so!!

Miss Dottie

NOTE TO MY READERS: When life gives you lemons, I have a great recipe for not only lemonade but some mighty good lemon bars that you can sink your teeth into. My Gratitude Journal overflows and I welcome this day and the days ahead!!

I read something about prayer the other day: While one person is praying for rain, another is praying that it would stop. While one person is praying that a loved one may live, the loved one is praying to "go home." We can rest in knowing that God sees the big picture while all we have is our feelings and a snapshot in time.

Always remember how very much I love you and pray for you.

YA YOU... every single one of you!!