Fear

Good Morning, Readers!  I woke up this morning singing this song ... them bones, them bones, them dry bones...!  (The video I found has a Happy Halloween ending ... disregard that ... the video & song is cute!) How appropriate ... I finished Ezekiel and am moving on to Daniel.  Yea!!

It's an absolutely gorgeous day here in Central Minnesota.  I poked my head outside and immediately went back inside and put on my sweatshirt.  Brrrr ... I'm not going to complain because soon enough I will be headed back to the heat in the Lone Star State.

I get so torn ... I love and my friends and family here.  I love the lakes, the lushness of the terrain, and the four seasons.  I also love Texas and it's largeness and my family and friends there.  I've spent most of my adult life there and find myself enjoying being a Cowboys fan, wearing my boots, and, in general being a loyal transplant.  Texas and Texans adopted me as their own and I have flourished there!  I find myself asking myself, "Lord, where do YOU want me."

Yesterday, when I met with my childhood friend, Judy, we talked about fear and how it has shaped our lives.  Both of our mothers were quite fearful and lived walking on the "safe" side of life, not venturing far from status quo.  It's always good to talk with others about our concerns ... we so often find out that we aren't the only one on the planet having them.

As a kid, I was an adventuresome sort who lived life with no fear.  For the most part, Glenwood was a safe environment and I flourished in my make believe world.  My mother would tell me that I was too bossy.  I prefer to think that I was a leader and an influencer!

My world got pretty shook up when my parents set strict boundaries for me when I was 12-13.  I felt like I was caged up like a bird with it's wings clipped !  I had been taught to be respectful and honoring to adults so I became obedient.  I never lied ... I just didn't tell my parents what I thought or was doing for fear of having even tighter reins put around me.

The good thing about my early years was that my adventuresome independent spirit NEVER did leave me.  I married so young (19) and lived in a warm cocoon for many years.  All I had to do was be a good wife, mother and companion which, I must admit, presented some good challenges.  My first husband traveled most of the week which allowed my "self" to grow within my environment at the time.

I faced my first real fear when I asked my husband for a divorce.  Other than selling Avon and babysitting, my work experience outside the home was rather lame.  In my decision, I had to make my way around a big city, compete for jobs and support my children.  I did it and did it well!!

Fear can be paralyzing or it can spur us on to greater things.  There are times that I grit my teeth and put one foot in front of the other ... just like when I put the key in the ignition the end of July and headed for Minnesota.  All the "what ifs" came flooding into my mind and I almost decided not to go.  THEN, something clicked in my heart (and heart) and I packed my bags.

I have learned to face my fears head on ... it didn't come easy and I've been met with some pretty strong opposition.  I've learned to be the best me that I can be and accept all the goodness God has in store for me.  The day I left McKinney, I said out loud ... "Devil, get out of my back seat ... I AM making this trip and you must stay away from me."  I felt better, turned on the radio and greeted the dawn with gusto!

Today, my Fibromyalgia has really reared it's ugly head and I feel like someone has beaten my entire body with a baseball bat.  It's going to need to be a more restful day ... I am thinking that I want to go down to the lake and read awhile.  Fears about the crippling effects of Fibromyalgia, Degenerative Disk Disease, and Arthritis are always at the back of my mind ... each year it gets harder to cope but somehow I do.  Sometimes I allow myself a block of time to cry and get angry ... then, I get up and do what I can to have the best day possible.

These are dark days for so many Americans including moi.  I see my investment portfolio dwindling down and fear overtakes me.  I wonder how I will live and what will become of me.  God says that we are to "take very thought captive" (2Corin. 10:5) and I've had to do that many times a day.  I've had to do the best I can with what I have and trust in his protection and provision.  Just look at how He provided funds for this trip for me??  I know I have to stay positive ... one day at a time!!

It's time for me to get dressed and head out to the lake!  I already have my spot picked out!!

Always remember you are loved and prayed for ... YA YOU!!  Now,  you go and have one heck of a day!!