A Dark Day in Time

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted

and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

~Psalm 34:18

November 12, 2014
Wednesday

Dear Readers,

This day started out so beautifully. The Fabulous Five and I were busy. I had been getting tubs out of the storm shelter and taking them into the house to decorate for the upcoming holidays. I felt like the Pied Piper ~ the dogren would follow me back and forth thinking we were playing a game. I had treats in my pocket and they were all wondering when mom was going to deliver the goods. I figured it was one way to keep them close.

The troops eat dinner about 4:30p but it got to be closer to 5 and they were starving. Zeke was the first done and was standing on the dishwasher door hovering over his brothers and sisters. They finished eating and I gave them their usual 20 minutes to digest their food then took them outside. They were so excited and scrambling over each other to get out. I was laughing at them and bringing up the rear. Little did I know my life was about to get tragically kicked out from under me.

As quick as a wink, Kennedy and Zeke ran to the fence by Betty's garage and burrowed out. I made a beeline for the gate thinking I could corner them in her backyard. They ran to the edge of her driveway and were looking at me. I opened the side gate and called them. Zip ... Toby was out too and the 3 of them took off, me right after them. From there, things are kind of a blurr ... I remember yelling, "Noooo." A guy in a black pickup was speeding and hit all three dogs. I remember running after him and watching him speed away.

I could only see two dogs, Zeke was close to me and I dropped to the ground and picked him up. He looked at me, whimpered, and his spirit left his small body. Still holding him, I ran to Toby who was laying in the street yelping. I picked him up. A man who was behind the pickup truck stopped and was so angry ~ "That son of a bitch never stopped. What can I do?" I was babbling incoherently. Within minutes, Beverly was calling the vet and took Toby and Zeke from me. I ran home and put the two little girls in the house. I was calling for Kennedy and went into a PTSD attack of wailing like a small child. I couldn't stop...in my mind and heart, I had been violated.

The man and his wife who stopped and my neighbor, Don, said they would look for Kennedy while we took Toby (and Zeke) to the vet. Dr Young, Dr Arnold, and their staff were waiting for us. They had an IV bag ready and were shaving his leg as they whisked him to the back room for xrays and examination. All I could hear was my injured furry kid yelping in pain. Toby's xrays showed no broken bones but he was in deep shock and the vets thought he might have internal bleeding/injuries. I stood there so helpless ~ all I could do was sob. I kept seeing Zeke's little face and was wondering what happened to Kennedy. Dr Young said Toby was one lucky boy and that they would monitor him in the doggie intensive care unit throughout the night. I was torn ~ I wanted to stay but knew I needed to find Kennedy. My mind was fighting to stay focused and I was losing the battle.

Beverly drove me home and I seesawed from sobbing to numbness. I was thinking about how happy I had been today ~ even more joyful than normal. Then, Satan began to have his way with me ... "Aha, you didn't protect the rescues put in your care..." "You, You, YOU!!!" "You didn't deserve these wonderful animals." I put my hands over my ears and reached for my (dead) phone. I plugged it in and waited. I texted my kids then completely broke down unable to speak. Where was Kennedy? It was dark and I wondered if he was injured and hiding. It was so cold outside... I prayed, "Jesus, please bring Kennedy home" and opened the gate.

Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.

~Matthew 5:4

About an hour later, I was trying to talk to my son and I heard a small yap. I hung up and walked to the kitchen door. There he was. There was Kennedy!! He was bloody and limping but there he was!!! I took him inside and cleaned him up. He wasn't going to let me touch his legs but I couldn't see any real gaping wounds. He was going to be fine. I was thanking Jesus like mad for answered prayer.

Michael got home about 11 from work oblivious to what had transpired in these last few hours. He took one look at me and said, "Where's Zeke and Toby? In the house?" (story)  "Ohhhh noooo."  He slumped into the chair. Somehow, the tragedy went from panic and blurr to reality and we were left with our grief of losing our precious magical Maltese baby boy and not knowing what was going to happen to our feisty Yorkie-Poo.

The coldness of an early Winter has catapulted me into a place where I don't want to be. I reached for my computer as I climbed into bed just to simply write down what I was feeling ... no pictures, no fluff, just the rawness of recording what can and did happen in a split second. I remembered when my Pomeranians were stolen (along with my car) years ago and the grief I felt then ... I remembered different times in my life when I felt so totally helpless ... when my baby son was hospitalized, divorce, my oldest daughter deciding to live with her father, going through trauma counseling, my mother's passing, and on and on. Logically, I knew that I would survive because I am a survivor ~ I also knew that I would rely on my faith in Jesus to carry me when I cannot function on my own. 

The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.

~Psalm 18:2

Zeke arrives in Seidler Dogdom
Photo taken 5/13/2013

The depth of grief is only as horrific as the amount of love bestowed. I loved little Zeke and every day was an adventure. He helped me laugh at times when I didn't feel like laughing. He was my traveling companion who loved all strangers who stopped to oooh and aah over him.

Tonight as I put away my computer, I am fully aware that there will be no little furry fella snuggled up against me during this cold night. I don't know if my little Yorki-Poo will ever come home again. Yes, I whisper, "Why, God, why..."

Miss Dottie

Dear God in Heaven, I sure hope that you are enjoying a romp in the clouds with my little Maltese Zeke ... you know, the one with the tipped halo, the milk chocolate eyes, and the fluffy white wings... I'll bet Sadie was there to welcome him over Rainbow Bridge and the first one to show him the ropes. I know some folks think it's silly to get so attached to pets but as an empty nester, they have filled my life with such joy when I've felt lonely and have given me purpose when I wondered what I was going to do with the rest of my life. It was You who prompted me to adopt 4 rescues! I pray for Toby who is in ICU tonight ~ for his complete recovery emotionally and physically. Amen! I pray for Kennedy that he will recover from the trauma of being hit. Amen! I pray, Father, for all of us going through the grief process knowing that You are with us. I don't know what tomorrow will bring but I do know that in time I will be able to take supernatural comfort in remembering the little magical fella that came into my life in May of 2013. RIP, Zeke!

Father, one more time, I've learned that we are to embrace the love we have for those in our lives and not think there's always going to be a tomorrow. Sometimes there are no tomorrows, no more chances to mend fences, to say, "I love you," or just enjoy the beauty of the day. I pray for my family, friends, and Readers across the globe as they face their own trials and grief. Life isn't fair ... it isn't always beautiful ~ it is what it is ... life.

Amen, in Jesus name, Amen, it is so!!

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened,

and I will give you rest."

~Matthew 11:28