Change my heart oh God...
Good Morning~ It's still dark outside but I am wide awake. Thought I just might invite you in for a sip of coffee and a chat. The days seem so short now and when it gets dark I think I'm supposed to sleep. After a few nights of extra sleep, I wake early ... guess my sleep tank gets to the point of overflowing!
I mentioned in an earlier blog that I read the book ENEMIES OF THE HEART by Andy Stanley. I've been waking up (or during the day, woolgathering) thinking about what he wrote. Life has been a process for me ... a time of a gradual healing from the inside out. I have come to doubt overnight healing other than the fact that one day I realized that I felt different -- I was different. I have put in my time with counselors, books, and trial and error. Many have asked me, "Why don't you just live (period). If God accepts you just as you are why have you had this quest for wholeness and change?" Well, yes, God did and does accept me as I am; however, He also has encouraged me to be the best I can be growing in spiritual maturity. I have found that those who have gone through trials can either throw in the towel and become victims or they can rise above and become victorious. I have chosen the later. I love learning and growing!
In all my travels, quests, and gathering of information, I first intellectualized and knew what was right -- morally, spiritually, and physically. What I didn't realize was that I had to really feel my knowledge in my heart. My heart took a very long time to accept truth and heal ... over thirty years!
The Lord tells us to guard our hearts for our hearts are the wellspring of life. (Proverbs 4:23) It is in our hearts that the evil one takes hold claiming us through guilt, anger, jealousy, and greed. Whatttt? You say ... I don't have any problems with those! Unless, you're a Jesus clone, you do and I do...
Ever hear, "He's a good person. He's got a good heart -- just got into a little trouble that's all." Wrong. Wrong? I've said that over and over and never thought that much about it. Andy Stanley, brought new light to my thoughts. Good people do good things and are kind and thoughtful. Pretending someone is good when they are exhibiting bad behavior does nothing more than invite further misadventures. My ex-husband attended Pathways and told me that his group nicknamed him "Black Heart". At the time, I thought that was a terrible thing to do to someone. Shouldn't they have been encouraging him and looking for the good? What they knew (and I didn't at the time) was that his heart needed changing.
I abhor sarcasm. What people are saying, "....., just kidding," is not kidding at all. They are speaking what is in their hearts. Sarcasm stings and wounds. What originates in our secret place won't always remain a secret. Ever found that what we accuse other's of is what we are guilty of ourselves? Think about that for awhile... What's grinding around inside is eventually going to spew out to the outside, simple as that.
When, I first met Michael, he told me, "Don't listen to my words, watch what I do." I have found this to be oh so true not only of him but of myself and others as well. I forgive you, but... I love you, but... I'll help you, but... For me, the best way in life is to just do it and move forward without all the add ons.
Let's face it, life isn't always kind. We can't control how people treat us. We can't stop words of hurt. We can minimize the effects on our hearts. Easier said than done. I have to follow a process every day ... I examine my heart and really think about what's in there. I don't excuse bad behavior in others or myself. I name it, and address it. I keep my own slate clean thinking about why my heart has gathered crud. Most of the time, I realize that I am jealous; didn't get what I wanted; am selfish; or, just plain out of sorts and nasty and feeling pretty guilty about my behavior. I own my own stuff ... the good, the bad, the ugly. That's being real.
What's in your heart? I think Christmas is a good time to do a heart checkup. It's a stressful time of the year when domestic violence incidents sky rocket, people go deep in debt to purchase gifts they can't afford, and patience runs skin deep. It can also be a time of feeling the joyous Christmas spirit ... a time of loving, caring, and giving. Several nights ago, Jane, Madison, Teddy (yep, Corgi Ted) and I sat out in rocking chairs at the Wiregrass outdoor mall watching the tree/light/music show. We rocked back and forth, singing in unison to the music. I looked up into the sky and thought, "Wow, it doesn't get much better than this!" I didn't think about anything except what was on the banquet table before me. Time ceased to exist except for the splendor of the symphony of lights and sounds.
It's count down time to Christmas. My heart is filled with the love and joy of having a wonderful family ... each so very special in their own ways. My heart is filled with the love and joy of knowing my personal savior who keeps me on the right track. I raise my cup that overflows today to Him!! Merry Christmas!!
Always remember you are loved and prayed for ... YA YOU!!
Note to self and others: "The only blind person at Christmastime is he who has not Christmas in his heart."~~Helen Keller
You are correct; people show their true colors pretty quickly. Often times we do not want to see warning signs, yet they are there. How sad that the trials of early childhood can affect the soul for life. I often heard that you should look at how a man treats his mother as to how he will treat his wife. I'm not so sure about that because Tim sure treats me differently than his mother. Yet, if I were dating that is one of many things to watch. Gosh - just think one day Madison and Katrina will be dating...Oh Lord help me!
ReplyDeleteHave a great night- Love ya to pieces~
Jane