Being an adult means making tough decisions...

"But, as for me, I will sing each morning about your power and mercy.  For you have been my high tower of refuge, a place of safety in the day of my distress, a place of safety in the day of my distress.  O my Strength to you I sing my praises; for you are my high tower of safety, my God of mercy."~~Psalm 59:16-17

June 19, 2012


Good Morning, Readers!  I watered my gardens last night and have enjoyed a nice relaxing morning on the patio sipping coffee and sharing some time with the Lord.  The sound of the fountain bubbling close by, the birds munching on seed provided a few minutes ago, and the whisper of the trees swaying in the cool breeze affords me a special time of counting my blessings while praying for specific needs of family, friends, and others brought to mind.  I've been praying through some challenges and yesterday added one more...

Sadie had her recheck yesterday.  As usual, the vet did bloodwork and checked her over.  She had her yearly shots and we stocked up on heartworm pills, flea pills, thyroid pills, itch pills, and liver support pills.  The bloodwork was ... well, let's just say, not so good.  Her liver count was still way over 2,000 -- the machine couldn't even give an accurate count.  Dr. Arnold wants us to bring her back in a month for another recheck and suggested we send bloodwork off to a bigger lab to find out the cause of the liver issues.  She had lost a little more weight and had started hiding under skirted chairs (the vet said that was probably because of her liver).  I had been hoping....

I had taken Toby with me because he was due for his annual shots and check up as well.  He's healthy as a horse and, except for refusing to open his yap, he did fine...  The vet finally pried his mouth open and showed me that he had retained a baby tooth which needs to come out as soon as possible as it is causing redness and puffiness in his gums.  I can deal with that ... simple fix.


As I left the vet's office, I had this tight feeling in my chest.  As you, my Readers, know, Sadie is my buddy, my companion, and I love her dearly.  As I write, she is laying at my feet snoring up a storm.  Every now and then I look down at her and give her a pat.  I gave her an oatmeal bath with conditioner last Thursday and she is still so soft.  I feel her heartbeat and cherish every moment with her.

It is decision time.  We'll see what the next thirty days brings.  I will continue to be faithful in giving her medications and will keep her as comfortable as possible.  I will enjoy my time with her and savor memories of each crazy thing she does.  Then, no more costly bloodwork and vet expenses ... I will turn her over to the care and keeping of her creator doing my part to continue to give her her meds and keeping her safe, secure, and loved.

Being an adult does mean making some difficult decisions.  I'd like to send Sadie's bloodwork off to a larger lab, take her to a specialist, and do everything humanly possible to find the core cause of the liver and itching.  I'd love to be able to clone her as she is such a gentle soul.  I'd love to keep her with me forever...  Sadly, I know that's not possible.  Through my trials with Sadie, I've come to admire those who are able to adopt dogs with special needs.  Funny how that happens ... unless we go through something ourselves, it's hard to understand and empathize with others who are going through the same thing.

This morning, I read several of the Psalms.  Psalms written by David as he was being pursued by his enemies, betrayed by his own son, and facing trial after trial.  In Psalm 59, David pens a psalm of praise even though he is a man on the run ... a man who narrowly escaped Saul's murderous pursuit.  I thought about that for a long while.  Am I able to stop in the middle of my time of sadness about Sadie to praise God for my blessings?  I had to tell myself to STOP ... to WRITE down what I was grateful for (one was that today Sadie is with me) ... to LOOK into the heavens and say, I BELIEVE.  Yes, I believe that everything that happens to me is Father filtered.  Keeping that thought always before me allows peace to come into my soul.

I have to admit that last week was a tough one for me all around.  I felt completely burned out ... drained, tired, and down, down, down.  I wept at the slightest altercation and had a real pity party.  I allowed myself to cry out in despair being real about where I was.  I was fortunate ... as I shared my tears, my daughter dried my eyes, listened, and sent me a "text" hug.  She was my angel that day and I love her for taking time to say, "It's going to be okay, Mom, I am here for you."  Tears come to my eyes now just thinking about how loving she was.  That's just what I needed, that bump to get me on the road to a weekend to remember.

As adults, we make decisions every day.  Having Fibromyalgia has made me more aware of making deliberate decisions.  It's really been a no brainer ... if I don't tend my gardens, they will die; if I don't get up and get moving, my muscles atrophy and Fibro gets worse; if  I don't live within my means, I suffer the consequences of struggling to pay bills; if I don't nourish my relationships, they wane.  I have to think more about the consequences of what I am about and what I am doing.

As I make the tough decisions, I do what is right and leave the outcome to the Lord.  That's a scary prospect to a person who has had to be in control.  To do what's right often times means going out on a limb.  I've lost relationships, money, and had to admit the egg on my face was of my own doing.  To stand up and say, "It was my fault," sometimes has meant a loss and shunning of others.  Know what though?  By doing the next right thing and keeping my slate clean I sleep soundly at night.  We're only as sick as the secrets we keep and my life is an open book.  I like it that way.

As we all go through making decisions and keeping our slates clean, let's remember that God is in control.  He knows, He sees, He hears.  Most of all, He knows our hearts.  He knows how much I love Sadie ... He knows how important family is to me.  If all I have is this day, then, I am content because I will celebrate life and do everything I can to make this day count!!

I wish you love and joy this June 19, 2012.  I pray that if you are having one of those duby do down down days that you will reach out and make a phone call to someone you know loves you and cares about you.  Have no one?  Then, raise holy hands to the Lord God who is the perfect listener!!  You can be sure that if you are reading my blogs you are being covered with prayer and love.

Until next time, remember the words of the Psalmist in Psalm 94:19:  "Lord, when doubts fill my mind, when my heart is in turmoil, quiet me and give me renewed hope and cheer."

Miss Dottie