First of all, Happy Birthday, Mom Seidler, who is 86 years old today! Mom decided that she would like some Red Door perfume, angel food cake with strawberries, a Wendy's Junior Bacon Cheeseburger, and a Frostie for her birthday. Done! It is such a privilege and joy to make her world a little happier ... especially on her birthday. She loves to tell the story that she was pregnant with Michael on her 20th birthday and was hoping that he would be her birthday present ... bummers, he arrived 4 days later!
When I was a teenager, communication with my mother about sex, boys, fashion, and feelings was difficult at best and virtually nonexistent. Luckily, I had some great friends who I was able to open up to ... still do. That being said, more than anything, as a parent and grandmother, I want to be approachable ... I want them to know that I love them no matter what.
I know that I was confused, easily agitated and insecure by age 15. I know that my own daughters were confused, and easily agitated by age 15. If that's true, then why shouldn't my granddaughters go through the same thing. Instead of thinking of this season as abnormal couldn't we accept it as a "normal" phase that our girls go through? At a time when parents want more control, our teenagers want FREEDOM!
I think that parents and grandparents get crazy because they know the pit falls waiting for our young ones ... drugs, sex, choices made in the heat of the moment that can't be undone. FEAR - we're afraid that we can't fix the trouble our children get in to. True? Think about that for a minute... At a time when our young ones should be listening to the wisdom of their elders, they gravitate towards their peers. Bad peers = bad advice. Good peers = good advice. I tell my children and grandchildren ... "The company you keep will determine the trouble you meet." I remember that for myself as well ... I look at the fruit and character of those I spend much time with.
Times have changed. In my youth, society focused more on the self-sacrifice for the good of the many instead of raising kids with a focus on personal self-esteem. Today's society teaches that creating your image and defining yourself are most important. Television and magazines bombard many girls (and boys) with the pressure to have the perfect body, clothes, and "look." Bullying has become a universal problem with kids being looked down on and harassed over not having the right clothes or appearing different in any way. As adults we are guilty ... WE WANT the perfect children. We make fun of people who are too skinny or who have big noses or are too fat or who are poor. God forbid, should we have children who don't excel according to today's standards ... being average just isn't good enough. Shame on us!!
I will be the first to admit that my family has been and is dysfunctional (before you roll your eyes, I hope you will realize that ALL families are dysfunctional - there are just different degrees). We've struggled with a myriad of issues that most families would rather sweep under the rug. I was the first in 1978 to stand up and say, "This is just plain crazy!" Believe me, I wasn't the most popular person on the block. I was willing to put in the work towards wholeness. I walked towards the light tossing the tapes that had cluttered up my mind for so long. With God's grace and help, I keep on going. I am open to constructive criticism and remain teachable. It is my journey ... my legacy that I leave to my children and grandchildren. In an Alanon meeting so many many years ago, I heard ... "Stick with the winners!" I did and I do...
No one has the right to live another's life for them. As human beings we have the responsibility to be all that God created us to be. We have the freedom to make mistakes, learn from them, and grow into responsible contributing adults. We're not on this earth to take up space and walk around with an "It's All About Me" halo around our heads. Want to enjoy years of misery? Play the poor me blame game. Want to live a full joyful life? Learn from the past and accept responsibility for one's own choices.
So many of my readers have young children and teenagers around them. I've said it before and I will say it again ... "Invest in the lives of those young ones." Take time to let them know they are important. For my charges, I say to them: "You come from sturdy, God-loving stock. Take your name and make it worth remembering."
Always remember you are loved and prayed for ... YA YOU!
Miss Dottie
I love how you describe your grandchildren so well. You have spent time with each and every one of them which means a lot. Your legacy will live for many years because of how YOU have made them feel so special.
ReplyDeleteXXOO~
Jane