Character ... Pass it On!

January 25, 2011

What happened to our sunshine?  Oh my goodness, it is chilly and cloudy here today.  Oh well, I will get to wear my Bearpaw boots today!!  Coats and heavy boots are somewhat unnecessary here in the Winter ... can do without a coat but LOVE my boots!  They are similar to Uggs and very cozy.  I walked outside to check on the fountain this morning and stood for a moment gazing at the water trickling.  How soothing!  I am set to start my day.


I prayed over what study to do next along with my DWBible reading and decided on Joel Osteen's IT'S YOUR TIME.  The book has a journal which will help me stay on track.  I listen to his sermons on TV and hopefully one day I can visit his church in Houston, TX.  I enjoy his positiveness and his contagious smile!!

"April 24, 2008, Thursday:

'Character builds slowly but it can be torn down with incredible swiftness.'~~Faith Baldwin

Someone who humiliates, criticizes, or makes fun of you in front of others, discounts your achievements, constantly blows up your past failures, or tells lies about you  - all in an attempt to discredit you in the eyes of others, is guilty of character assassination.  My character has been the foundation upon which I have built my reputation and the sense of who I am.  So many times, others have tried to destroy my personal reputation.  What pain ... what sorrow ... helplessness ...  Yet, I have found that walking with my head held high and just being a woman of truthfulness and good character have won out leaving my assassins with egg on their faces.  God knows the truth!! 

Often times, I have had this vision of a hamster running on a wheel.  The hamster is me - no matter how hard I try I cannot get the approval of my abusers.  Have I tried simply because of that?  At first, yes, for many years.  Then I realized that through pain and suffering my character was being built.  Over the years, I became a woman of love, kindness, and grace and got off the hamster wheel for good.  What a relief!

As a child, I lived in an environment of achievement then praise.  I was loved not because of who I was ... love was performance based.  I survived by creating a fantasy world sprinkled with bouts of tears of anger.  I am still haunted by a vision of seeing me running in the dark crying ... it is summer and the night is very dark.  I run until I am exhausted and collapse on the ground.  I don't know why I am running.  My fantasy world worked well for me until I was in 7th, maybe 8th, grade.  The words of my father wounded my spirit.  At a time when a young girl needs affirmation, I received angry bouts of tirades telling me I wasn't good enough.  I was invited to a party given by Robert H. ... a boy-girl party and my parents wanted me to go to visit my farm grandmother, Belle.  My father looked at me and said, 'Who do you think you are being invited to a party with the big muckatie mucks?'  I doubted myself and didn't go.  He was right...  Was he?

I have always enjoyed people of all ethnic groups and social ranks.  I have always been picked to lead.  I had a best friend in high school as well as a group of girls that I still keep in touch with.  Our friendships were so close and we laughed our way through our teenage years.  They were God's gift to me and I was and am so very grateful.  Yet, the words of my parents, who were supposed to love me the most haunted me.  The world saw me as smart, pretty, fun, talented, an achiever, independent, someone to be relied upon.  My abusers saw me as too loud, too talkative, too outgoing, too friendly and on and on.  There lay the foundation for my life.  Sadly, I believed the lied yet on the flip side, God grew my character and I chose to walk on His path.

Today, I am fighting with all I have.  Age seems to be against me but I pray that I can, with God's help, know a life of peace and serenity.  It is possible, I just know it ... I can taste it!

I am outside - rocking - looking upon the garden.  It rained last night and everything looks so revitalized and beautiful.  I enjoy the beauty of God's creation and am grateful for my sight.

God forgive me for the times I have torn those down around me out of frustration.  As the years have passed, I have changed yet I know my own words have wounded.  I am so sorry.  I have asked for forgiveness and been forgiven by some alienated by others.  I know that I can never recapture the venom of anger.  All I can do is move forward learning and growing.  Oh, it's such a slow process.

I am still at home.  I couldn't make myself go to work today.  My body is very weak.

I want to be a writer.  Direct my path, dear God and grant me creativeness.  Open the pathways of thought and guide my hands as I put my thoughts down in written form.  I have been gifted as a listener.  Now it's time to put hind's feet into action by taking pen in hand!  Go God!  Use me my Father to embrace my fellow travelers.  Amen!

It's time for lunch.  I'll be back ... I want this book to serve the purpose of my written legacy.  I want my children to know me - to know what roads I've traveled - what I believe - what I've learned - what I stand for.  Woo Hoo!"

January 25, 2011 ... Character ... pass it on.  Have you seen those ads on TV?  Your character is so important ... "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control."  Galatians 5:22  A man's word used to be his bond ... how about today, is your word filled with truth and love?  I hold out my hand to you to follow me in my journey ... you will find a lost soul who was redeemed.  You will find a human crusted with the dirtiness of life yet washed clean with honesty and the love of a God filled with grace.

Always remember that I pray for my readers with love and compassion.  YA YOU ... have a blessed day.  Today may be all we have ... use the time wisely!