Truth or Consequences

Good Afternoon from the Winter Wonderland in North Texas!  I took Michael in to the city for his one week post surgery check up and I was wishing I had taken my camera with me.  It is still cold today and I felt like I was driving through a Winter Park!  I think when something becomes common place we take it for granted ... We only get snow a few times a year and sometimes only once so when we do, the world here stops to gaze upon it's beauty.  It is calming and warm fires and families spending uninterrupted time together are treasured.

As I began my day, I was talking to Hamilton Elf about how to approach the subject of truth or consequences.  He's a very good listener ... I paced the floor and talked.  Once I was talked out, he just looked at me with his sly little grin ... sometimes it's important just to have someone to talk to and in talking figure out things yourself.  Hamilton Elf helps me do that!

Going back to my childhood, I chose truth over the pain of what I might uncover.  I wanted to know no matter what.  The blank spaces in my childhood and as an adult haunted me and my reactions to certain people and events that caused me to disassociate and forget were stealing my life.  Was the truth about me what my parent's told me?  Was the truth about me what abusive men told me?  I didn't understand the "why" of some of the things I did .... it was almost like I was self-destructing.  I didn't believe what good people told me and chose to dwell on what evil doers said.  I didn't understand it and therapists didn't understand it.  Yet, it was so obvious...  I was trying so hard to please people that I couldn't please.  I was like a hamster on a wheel, running as fast as I could getting nowhere.

Tacitus said, "Men are more ready to repay an injury than a benefit, because gratitude is a burden and revenge a pleasure."  I have spent many an hour wondering why I was punished for a small offense when my actions of love were tipping the scale in abundance.  The truth is, who truly knows what goes on in the human mind ... and, I kept reliving my childhood with those who tormented me.  The consequences of being told over and over that I was worthless and a nobody took their toll on a little girl lost.  Since I didn't remember, my life should have been different but I didn't and therefore, the tapes of the subconscious ran constantly.

Now, truth is very important to me.  Why?  Because now I look at the character of the person who is speaking to me before putting my head on the chopping block.  When I have truth, I have the facts I need to make better decisions.  It also helps me to put my head down on the pillow at night and sleep soundly without worrying about untruth and worrying about what I have said or done that make me a liar.  I appreciate people who are honest with me even when it might hurt ... at least I am able to listen, digest the information and can either change or move on ... either way, I thank them.

Consequences?  You can see the chiminea in the photo to the left ... If I light a fire, the snow will melt and I can enjoy a roasted marshmellow on a winter day.  If I don't light a fire, I don't have the pleasure of savoring the fire crusted treat.  That's a simple analogy but I think you get my drift.  My life has been full of consequences some bad,  not so bad and some good.  The sad part is that I cannot go back in time to reclaim my childhood or most of my adulthood.  The consequences for abused children are carried forward forever and it is my plea that everyone know the signs to look for and not be afraid to speak up.  To pretend they don't exist doesn't work because as parents, grandparents, friends, teachers...we are supposed to protect their young minds and preserve their childhoods.  I have found blessing and love in the Winter of my life.  There are good consequences of a life lived in the light and with honor ... of being free to choose ... to be around people who fill me with encouragement and life and who appreciate me for who I am.  I am strong yet weak; firm yet yielding and ready to listen; an outdoors person who creates inviting indoor spaces; a Christian who is committed to serving her Lord; and, a woman who loves her family and fellow travelers on this road of life!  I am grateful for how far I've come and I believe the quote by Khalil Gibran:  "Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls.  The most massive characters are seared with scars."  A BIG AMEN!!

In the 1940's the show Truth or Consequences popped up on radio and was an instant hit.  It went on to become one of the most watched TV shows in the nation.  Do you remember "Beulah the Buzzer"?  When Bob Barker became the emcee of the show, he always signed off with this quote:  "Hoping all your consequences are happy ones!"  I want to extend those wishes to you on this Wintery evening in January, 2011.

Hamilton Elf has decided to take up residence in the guest room.  His eyes were drooping and he started dropping his toys on the floor ... I'm tired too, and think I will close down shop for the evening!  Talk with you tomorrow.  Until then, remember that all our thoughts and actions have consequences.  Some can be fixed and some can't...