The Lives We Touch

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

It's been a rainy day blues kind of day.  It's late and I am weary and tired.  Yet, I feel the need to connect with you, my Readers.

The series of MRI's I had last week solidified my suspicions that something was dreadfully wrong with my neck and shoulder.  I met with Dr. B this morning and as he read the reports to me I felt that deer in the headlights feeling coming on.  If you've dealt with doctor consults, you know what I'm talking about.  I wanted to slap him upside the head and say, "Speak English!!"  He finalized his spiel by saying that my symptoms were caused by damage to the C 4-5 AND I have a partially torn rotatory cuff.  I understood that.  Lovely...

Dr. B's sending me back to see Dr. C who did my previous neck and back surgeries.  They didn't have an opening until February 22 but I am hoping to get in before that.  He is also sending me to a shoulder specialist in Arlington.  My personality lends towards ... if something needs to be done, DO IT, and let me get on with life.  Patience is not one of my strong suits.

Mom ~ Christmas 2012

Enough on that subject ... Michael and I had the honor of assisting the funeral home in the writing of Mom's obituary.  That little task really got me thinking about what my family would write about me when I passed.  Would my life have been pretty self-centered or would I have left a legacy of substance.

Something happened today that caused me to cry like a baby.  In 2002, I spent 30 days in a shelter.  While I was there, my roommate was a young teacher who had fled New York with her small daughter to start a new life.  One day she was crying.  She was out of money and needed to go the Fort Worth for a job interview.  (She was a teacher)  I felt her pain and opened my wallet.  I gave her $50 (every penny I had to my name at the time).  The amazing part (besides the fact that she got the job) was that for the next several months as I established a new life of my own, I would receive cash or checks ~~ all for $50.  

Since then, every now and then, I receive a card or letter ... you guessed it ... $50 inside.  Today, I was feeling pretty sad about my fall and the ramifications and here comes a card with a lovely note AND $50.  It wasn't about the money inside.  It was about the words, "You will never be forgotten."  God is so good!  The $50 reminded me that the seeds I have planted are growing in different people's lives.

The family that prays
together stays together!

I had one of those marathon phone calls with my daughter, Jane tonight.  She told me about her job and how she felt she was impacting lives as a pharmacist.  (Her seeds are bursting out all over!!!)  We talked about her relationship with her husband ~~ she gave him ten stars!!  (Her seeds are bursting out all over!!!)  We talked about her struggles as a mom ~~the same struggles I had as a mom.  It was like listening to myself years ago.  My daughter now can understand me more because she is walking my path.  (her seeds and mine are bursting out all over!!!)  When I hung up, I thanked God for allowing me to have a glimpse of my own obituary and my daughter's.

What would people write about you if you passed on?  Isn't it time to stand for something and not be afraid of what others think?  Isn't it time to plant seeds of your own?  I have witnessed the seeds I planted in my children (integrity, honesty, good work ethics, love of others, empathy, Jesus) growing and flourishing.  The seeds that I planted have moved to my children's generation and now on to their children.  The seeds that I have planted have moved across the globe.

I'm sorry if some of you think I am bragging.  Really, I am not.  I give God the glory because without him I wouldn't have survived childhood and beyond.  Without him I would be a bitter, condescending woman.  Without Him I wouldn't be writing this blog.  Without Him, I hate to think of where I would be.  Every day I ask Him to use me -- to allow his light to shine to others through me whatever I do or say.

As I close my eyes, I say a prayer:  "Now I lay me down to sleep..."  Thanks, mom, for planting that seed in me as a child. 

Always know you are loved and prayed for ... YA YOU!

Miss Dottie

PS  I have printed out the Prayer of Saint Francis of Assisi and have it in my Bible.  It is part of my daily routine to read this.  Maybe it will help you too.  Read it out loud and feel the words returning to your heart!!  I don't know about you but I don't want to just take up space on earth...   

Prayer of Saint Francis of Assisi

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.

Where there is hatred, let me sow love;

where there is injury,pardon;

where there is doubt, faith;

where there is despair, hope;

where there is darkness, light;

and where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek

to be consoled as to console;

to be understood as to understand;

to be loved as to love.

For it is in giving that we receive;

it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;

and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life. Amen