There is a time to grieve...

Good Morning, Readers!  I returned to Texas on March 7 and am now blogging from my mother in law’s hospital room in Hillsboro, Texas.  It is a cool crisp day and the sun is shining.

God says that He will not give us more than we can bear but goodness, I am wondering just how much more, I will have laid on my heart.  Yesterday, my beloved Aunt Helen passed away in Westby, Wisconsin;    my constant companion for the past 13 years, Khelsea succumbed to a heart murmur and loss of bladder function and we made the decision to put her to sleep;  and, Mom S took a turn for the worse experiencing a slight heart attack, stroke, and many many seizures.  Talk about stress!

What do we do when life seems so overwhelming?  Personally, I cry out to my heavenly father for peace and strength to do what I need to do.  Michael had gone back to Dallas yesterday and I was alone with Mom when she began her descent downward.  I called him and he began the hour and a half trip back to Hillsboro.  Mom’s friend, Debbie, called and told me she would come back to the hospital so I wouldn’t be alone.  My son Tommy called and I broke down.  It was like God heard my cries for help and He answered.  Debbie helped me take care of Mom in her crisis … Michael arrived and right behind him, Tommy appeared.  Mom was surrounded by those she loved and we spent our time praying for her and giving strength to one another.

Mom’s doctor saw her several times yesterday and said that he had never seen symptoms like she was experiencing … the nurses said the same thing.  We had to make the decision of whether to put her on life support or allow nature to take it’s course.  Mom had said she did not want life support and we honored her decision.  We stayed until midnight and she was resting comfortably.  This morning we came in and the lady with nine lives was sitting up and knew us.  Praise God!  We had some good quality time with her and took some photos.  We are so appreciative of each minute when mom is lucid because within minutes she can slip into her state of unresponsiveness.



Helen, Carl Pederson, Lorna, Ernest



My Aunt Helen was born, raised, and lived in Glenwood, Minnesota.  She was a beautiful lady and very close to my father.  She had two children, Nancy and Jim and was married for 50 years to Erv.  They built a home on Lake Minnewaska which was "the" place for many family gatherings.  Everyone loved to go to visit them.  Not only were they wonderful hosts, Helen was an amazing cook and always had a supply of goodies on hand.  Her daughter, Nancy, sent me a photo last Christmas of her and Helen.  It wasn’t the way I remembered my sweet Aunt … I remembered her as a vivacious hostess, a woman of spirit, a dark haired beauty!  I have a tendency to do that … remember people as I last saw them … but, don’t we all?

My precious Pomeranian, Khelsea, was born on October 23, 1998 … the day my Pomeranians, Angel and Pete were stolen in New Mexico.  She and I have traveled many roads together…  Khelsea’s health began to deteriorate a couple years ago and at one time I gave her mouth to mouth resuscitation.  She had a heart murmur and began to lose control of her bladder.  She spent most of her time under the bed sleeping and we had wee wee pads all over the house to help her with the incontinence.  It was her time yesterday and since I was here, Michael took her to the vet where the decision was made to release her from her pain and misery.  Michael spent time with her holding her and loving her.  I cried from my post here in Hillsboro.  I will miss my buddy who loved to accompany me to the garden stores and especially to Home Depot where everyone knew her.

There was a moment yesterday when I didn’t think that I could stand the pain … I had cried so much that my eyes were puffy and I thought my heart was going to break into a million pieces.  Then, I remembered that Khelsea, Aunt Helen and Mom were gifts from God … they were his not mine.  I was only a caretaker … a niece.  It had been a privilege and an honor to spend time with, enjoy and serve them.  My time was done … did I truly do my part?

Only God knows the time and place of our passing.  Dr. Earheart came in a few minutes ago and was totally taken back by mom’s lucidity.  Last night, we were on death watch … maybe there is more to Mom’s life that we don’t understand.  We just have to trust that God, in his infinite wisdom will guide her and us in the days to come.

I pray that you will take some time today and write down a list of the people in your life … your family, friends, pets.  Is there someone you need to make amends to?  Say I love you and let them know how precious they are?  I took Toby and Sadie for a walk this morning … it wasn’t a chore, it was a blessing.  Time never stands still and when it’s gone, we can’t go back.  It is today … period!

Always remember that you are loved and prayed for … YA YOU!

"Because the Lord is my Shepherd, I have everything I need.

He lets me rest in the meadow grass and leads me beside the quiet streams.  He gives me new strength.  He helps me do what honors him the most.

Even when walking through the dark valley of death I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me, guarding, guiding all the way.

You provide delicious food for me in the presence of my enemies.  You have welcomed me as your guest; blessings overflow!

Your goodness and unfailing kindness shall be with me all of my life, and afterwards I will live with you forever in your home.

~~Psalm 23 (The Living Bible)