God's Timing is Perfect!

It's Super Bowl week in Dallas and wouldn't you know we are having one of those Winter storms that paralyzes the city.  Instead of being down in the dumps, the city has rallied and made the best of the ice and snow.  Tents with heaters have been set up so that parties can continue.  The Steelers and the Packers teams have arrived!  I think our city is doing the Super Bowl proud!  Texans are noted for their hospitality.  I found that out when I moved to Texas in 1970!  It took awhile to get used to the "honey, can I help you" and the hugs but I soon began to love the people and their friendliness.  My kind of life ...

Life is all about attitude isn't it?  You get more out of life with honey than  you do vinegar and a "what about me" stance.  With each move in my life, I have found such warmth and love wherever I layed my head down.  Home was where my heart was ... and that was with my family.  It's so easy to wish for "things the way they were" and miss the opportunities that lay before us.  I would not be the woman I am today without the adventures of living in different cultures and meeting so many wonderful people.

I keep some files and boxes which contain memories ... every now and then, I go through them and enjoy reading and touching some of the mementos.  I have letters and pictures from my children and mementos from the different places I've worked and from people who were and always will be special to me.  Other than my journals which contain snapshots of my life (the good, the bad, the ugly), I have gotten rid of the crap.  When my husband and I moved into our home that we built from the ground up, we decided only to keep the stuff that honored God and our relationship.

"June 1, 2008

'The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want.'~~ Psalm 23:1

How can so many people's lives be so full and their hearts and souls be so empty?  That's what I wonder as the years go racing by me ...  I can relate because I was one of them.  Not too long ago, I found myself to be physically and emotionally spent.  I was desperately in need of a refill.  My tasks at home, work, wife, mother and grandmother had left me parched and drained.

At times when I have been at the end of my rope, my Lord Jesus has poured out his presence with an especially generous hand.  Sometimes, my heart has held the cold residues of rancid ideas or moldy attitudes or leftover values and stubborn pain.  I've needed the Lord to fill my heart which required my willingness and the Lord's grace.

I am cracked and flawed, marred with imperfections yet have aged as a fine lady.  At this time of my life, I can honestly say I like me.  That doesn't mean  I am void of struggles.  Each day has it's share of challenges and I remember ... the Lord is my shepherd ... my protector and provider.

I remember when I was going through my divorce from my second husband.  I ran so hard trying to fill my heart and my life.  I filled my days with my children, work, class after class, church friends and on and on.  As much as I wanted to, I couldn't fix that hole in my heart.  I was filling my life with so much activity I couldn't hear what God was telling me.  All I could hear was 'You aren't worthy - no one loves you.'  Oh, the pain.  My oldest daughter was living with her father.  I couldn't even master mothering.  I loved her so much yet I didn't know how to manage an out of control teen.  My world was caving in and I didn't know where to turn.  I yearned for peace and laughter.  I met my third husband, and for a long time, he filled my heart.  He was kind and loving but no matter how much he tried, he couldn't fill that empty hole in my heart.

My boss at the time, sponsored me on a Walk to Emmaus.  It was the first time in my life that I heard women talk about abuse, incest, abortion, drugs, and how Jesus My boss's wife was one of the speakers.  We had quiet times, chapel ... sharing.  I listened and the seed was planted.  For that brief time, I experienced quietness and peace.  I think everyone needs that time of retreat ... a time to come face to face with the Lord, a time to pray and a time to listen.

I've come to know Jesus more because of my children.  I look at them and no matter what, I love them.  There's no sin I couldn't forgive them of and if I am like that, Jesus who is God can love me as His child in the same way.  That is what truly filled the hole in my heart!

Last night I had some really strange dreams.  I dreamt that I put in my name for American Idol and I won.  Jane looked at me (she was young in the dream, maybe 10) and said, 'Mom, you can't sing.'  (One of my vocal chords is paralyzed)  I think what God was telling me was that the impossible can be possible.  I truly would like to pain and be more creative and, of course, write a book.  I wonder ...

Today:

You say:  "It's impossible."  God says:  ".."What is impossible from a human perspective is possible with God."~~Luke 18:27

The wind doth blow ... the snow falls ... I am blessed!

Always remember ... you are loved and prayed for ... YA YOU ... ALL OF YOU!!