"...The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away. Blessed be the name of the Lord." Job 1:21
Life for me in 2002 was what an outsider would consider perfect. I lived in a prominent part of town in a huge home we had recently moved in to, each room filled with exquisite furnishings. I owned my own business which was doing well, was a part of a wonderful church, and each area of my life seemed to be running smoothly. For the most part I was a very happy lady. Who could ask for more? Family, friends, money, a top of the line car...the good life... Then, the bottom fell out and the elephant in the room was too big to ignore.
I adored my husband. He was a fun person to be around - he could communicate with anyone and people trusted him because he was a big old southern teddy bear that could charm the pants off anyone including yours truly. I am a "word" person and because he was so charming and could make me feel so special, I fell for him fast and hard. We were engaged 2 weeks after we met and married in March of 1996. Because of my past history with abusive relationships, I insisted we go through some pretty intensive marriage counseling at our local church. The pastor gave his blessing whole hearted and said that we were well matched with similar views and values. I kept asking him, "Are you sure?" He would always smile, give me a hug and would say, "I would refuse to marry you if I thought this marriage didn't have all the makings of a great one!"
What I didn't know was that my husband had antisocial personality disorder (often called a sociopath)...a chameleon who could change at a moments notice to get what he wanted. At the time we met, I was a prize to be won. Did he love me? You know, something down deep inside me thinks he did but I will never know for sure. He had become "the" man about town and was involved in new endeavors that weren't quite on the up and up. Early in 2002, there were gradual changes in our marriage, we sought marriage counseling, but, nothing seemed to work. There came a point where the counselor suggested that he be tested and he agreed. Several weeks later, the counselor and doctor who did the tests called me in to give me the results. I was in total denial...this couldn't be. We went in as a couple for the test results and my husband was given the results along with a plan that would help him. I would need to step back and my husband would be surrounded by other men in various areas of life. His choice..."no." When we got home that day in August, we were upstairs in the media room - he took his wedding ring off, threw it across the room and said to me, "I don't love you, I have never loved you, and I want a divorce." I was in shock -- it was then that the horror started and I feared for my life.
Life became one of walking on eggshells. I was afraid to open my mouth. He was 6' tall, 250 pounds and I was 5'1" tall, 118 pounds. No match. One morning, I was in the upstairs office working and he came through the door. I knew from the look on his face that I was in trouble. We had purchased a handmade desk that had many hidden compartments and drawers. I looked up and my husband had pulled a gun from one of the compartments and was pointing it at my head. He said, "I know people that can kill you." I was terrified. Thank God the phone rang and it was the counselor who reminded me of my appointment. I grabbed my purse and was out the door in a flash.
When I relayed the event to the counselor, she made me promise that I would call the local women's shelter and talk to the director. (Incidentally, I was on the Board of Directors who established that women's shelter - how ironic). I did and she told me that I was in grave danger and needed to come to the shelter. I said I preferred not to...what would happen to my pets, my home, MY STUFF?? I called 2 of my best friends. From there everything went so fast....they joined forces and were at my door in a matter of a couple hours. Believe me, when God puts a plan in place, it can come in a moment's notice - it was like He picked me up and carried me out and I was powerless to stop it!! We sat on the floor of my beautiful prayer room. They prayed, I clutched my beloved pet, Toby, and just sobbed. I don't remember who called the shelter but they were preparing to receive me. I grabbed a few clothes, my dogs, and we headed out the back door. My husband pulled up just as we were leaving...he was a mess...shirt wide open, hair disheveled. We did not speak, we got into the car and left.
I was taken to the local police station where we were met by someone from the shelter. I was in shock as I hugged my friends good-bye. They had called my son and the dogs would be taken to him. All I could think about was what is going to happen to me.
It was late at night when I entered the shelter...I had been there when the property was purchased so I knew what it was like inside but, now it was different. I went through the usual admittance procedures and was led to my room. My room was about 8' X 8' - there was a bunk bed and a double bed in the room as well as a small dresser and tiny closet. I chose the lower bunk...they gave me a care bear and a handmade quilt and I was left for the night... I was frightened and felt more alone than I ever had in my life. I had everything and now...a few clothes, my Bible, a teddy bear, and a quilt.
To remember this is very taxing and it is difficult to remember all the intimate details...tomorrow, we will chat again and I will share how God striped me down to nothing and built me up to help others!
For my followers, watch for signs of abuse in women, men (yes, men) and children. Don't be afraid to ask the tough questions. Know the telephone number of your local shelter so you can give it to someone you think might need it. Abused women come from every walk of life - several years ago 1 in 4 women were being or had been abused. Now that number has risen - My God forgive us for the harm we do to others knowingly or unknowingly!
Talk to you tomorrow my friends...I love you...
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