She's Not A Burden - She's a Blessing



Virginia Ann  Seidler



Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep.  If I should die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take.  Amen

I am sitting on Mom Seidler's bed watching her sleep.  She looks so peaceful and is unaware I am sitting there lifting her up in prayer.  It's been a tough week and I wonder how much longer she can continue to fight...and, a fighter she is!

Last Sunday about 3am we got a call from Town Hall letting us know that Mom Seidler had passed out and was unresponsive.  They were taking her to the ER (next to Town Hall).  We were up and on our way in less than 15 minutes time.  A second call came to let us know that when they put an oxygen mask on her, she rallied and was talking with the doctor.  By the time we got to the hospital, she was settled in a room, weak, but able to talk with us.  Her  COPD has gotten worse and even talking a few minutes is quite taxing for her.  Standing at her bedside, holding her hand, I felt so helpless.  A lesson to those who smoke...DON'T!!!

I thought how many times we'd been at her bedside over the past 7 years and how often she was at the brink of death.  She'd fought her way through polio, surgeries, staff infections, and in the past year, had to leave her home of 50+ years to live in a tiny space barely big enough for a twin bed, nightstand, small dresser and chair.  This was now her home...

We walked through this past week together:  visiting, talking about her life, and finding time for laughter and tears.  She told me that she loved me and that she wondered why it had taken so many years for me to come into her life.  I had talked with my daughter, Jane, and we talked about the elderly and how they can become burdens.  I told her that I never wanted to be a burden to my family.  After I hung up the phone, there was something inside me that didn't feel right.  It was the word "burden".  I felt ashamed of myself.  Is it our attutdes that make the elderly a burden rather than a blessing?  Are we not to serve our fellowman?

You know we go through life and have the opportunity to travel, work, raise families, play, and on and on...  But what about when the time comes that we aren't able to do those things.  Everything changes...and, for many it means living a life of solitude much different that what they've experienced.  There are the usual jokes about "you know you're getting older when your appointment book has more doctor's visits in it than dates with friends."  It's good to laugh at ourselves and realize that life is but a fleeting moment.  There's also reality.

When I first met Mom Seidler, I would get the the biggest kick out of her.  She was a Southern Belle who loved "bling".  The more bling and sparkle the better.  She and her friends would dress all up and meet at Jack's (Jack in the Box) for coffee in the mornings  (they would put cookies in their purses to have with their coffee to save money).  They would all go shopping at the Outlet Mall, Dollar Store, Walmart, get their hair done, their nails done and befriend each other when one of them needed something.  Mom looked forward to these outings and getting all decked out in her finest.  Since I am not a jewelry person, I was amazed at how much costume jewelry she had.  When we moved things out of the house for the renovation we filled two large tubs of jewelry.  She always had to have a matching purse for her outfit as well as shoes.  I still smile when I think about their "girl's club".  But then, one by one, the girls were unable to meet for coffee, passed on, and Mom's bling became a robe and staying at home.  As most of us caregivers have to do at some point, we had to take her car keys away.  She mourned that horribly...her last piece of freedom...the freedom to get into her car and get out.  We asked her to come live with us and she emphatically said, "No!"  She had lived in the same town her whole live and she wasn't moving.

About a year ago, mom was in the hospital and they told her she would need to be on oxygen 24/7.  We called the oxygen company and had a huge machine and plenty of hose so that she could move about the house.  I stayed with her that week, filling oxygen tanks and taking over her care.  We probably learned more about each other than all the years before.  Mom wanted me to live with her and care for her...I had a family to care for as well and couldn't do that.  (Caregivers go through their own guilt)  It was getting time that Mom would need to learn to fill her own oxygen tanks and be able to function on her own.  It didn't take long before she realized that she would not be able to fill those heavy tanks, prepare meals and take care of her personal needs while maneuvering a walker.  One morning we were having coffee and she looked at me with tears in her eyes and said, "It's time isn't it?"  I called Michael and he made the necessary arrangements for her to be moved to Town Hall.  Those were traumatic days and Mom went through a grieving process...the loss of friends, the loss of her freedom, having to move from her home.  My heart ached for her.  I wished I could take away her pain but I couldn't...only God could give her peace.

"Do something, Lord God, and use your powerful arm to help those in need."  Psalm 10:12

Town Hall is a wonderful place and Mom is treated like a princess.  They have a loving, caring staff and at the slightest sneeze, we receive a phone call.  They have parties, games, entertainers, church services, and, of course, a beauty shop on premises.  Mom looks forward to Fridays when she gets her shower and hair done.  She has given up wearing her bling but loves her watches and always loves to dress up.  I enjoy shopping for her so that she has a couple weeks worth of "outfits" to choose from.  Mom is a "gift" person so her eyes light up like Christmas trees when she sees me arrive with bags of goodies.  The simplest things mean so much to her.  Mom has a wonderful roommate named Paula who has MS.  Paula is an inspiration to everyone.  She is in her late 50's and her MS is rapidly taking over her body.  Guess who the President of the Optimist's Club is?  Paula!  She is good for mom ... a perfect match orchestrated by the Lord.

Yesterday, Mom wanted me to take her picture and a picture of the placque beside the door to her room.  I asked her why she wanted to have me take a photo of the plaque and she said that she thought she was going to pass soon and she wanted us to have photos to remember her by.  I did as she asked and she was happy and content.  I wonder if we get preminitions about when we are nearing the end?  As I left her room, I did wonder if I would see my friend again.  I know that when she passes, I will miss her -I will miss seeing her smiles and listening to her stories.  I will miss caring for her and, life for me, too, will be different.

Mom Seidler... a Bling Bling lady, telephone operator from her teens until retirement, wife to Henry, mother to Michael, friend to many...Mom, I just need to tell you that you are NOT a burden, you're a blessing to me!

"You, Lord, brought me safely through birth, and you protected me when I was a baby at my mother's breast.  From the day I was born, I have been in your care, and from the time of my birth, you've been my God."  Psalm 22:9-10

Chat with you tomorrow!  Until then, hug a loved one today...open a door for an elderly person...send a note...pick up the phone...and, remember, only God knows the time we are to join Him and until then, we all have PURPOSE!