Exodus

Sunday, January 15, 2012

I am struggling today, Readers ... It's so pretty outside and I want to go out and rake leaves for mulch for my garden.  Flip side?  I have a sore throat, slight fever, ache all over and feel downright miserable physically.  Ever have those days you'd just like to pull the covers up over your head and wait for your misery to subside?  That's where I'm at today.  Beverly came over to show me her new makeup and told me I looked terrible.  That's always a great way to start the day.  Harrumph...

Yesterday, Beverly and I ventured to Burleson.  We stopped at Ulta and tried some of their new makeups and polishes.  It's always fun to do girl stuff and Beverly is the ultimate fufu lady.  I'd printed out coupons for us on the Internet so we knew we had a little extra to spend.  I got some new polish that looks like multi-colored glitter.  I put it over my regular colored polish and was quite pleased with the results.  Also bought some BareMinerals makeup.  Love that stuff!  It is every bit as great as the infomercials on TV.  I talked Beverly into getting some so that's why she came over this morning.  She looked fabulous.  She said that Don (her husband) noticed the difference and thought it looked good.  She was smiling ear to ear.  Guess I need to go make up my face too!!!  Maybe that would make me feel better!

We visited the usual stores yesterday and I found a lamp at Marshall's that I thought would look great on top of the cupboard in the kitchen.  The base was wicker (which I love) and had a few dings so I asked the manager if they would discount the lamp further.  They gave me a really deep discount and, lamp in hand, I left pleased with my bargaining skills and my prize.  The lamp didn't go on top of the cupboard BUT it looks lovely on the end of the dresser in my bedroom.  Buy ONLY what you love and you will find a place for it!

On our way back home, the second car in front of me started weaving, swerving, and finally ended up in the ditch facing traffic.  From what I could tell, a wheel came off the car and the driver was trying to keep the car on the road.  Scary thing ... if the wire fence hadn't been there to stop the car, they would have gone across the median into oncoming traffic.  I slowed way down to see if they were all right ... they were and the truck in front of me stopped so I motored on.  Beverly and I looked at each other and heaved a sigh of relief -- one, that it wasn't a multi-car accident which would have included us, and two, that the people in the car were okay.  Phew ... you just never know from moment to moment what is going to happen.

I've finished Genesis in my Bible reading and have gone on to Exodus.  What does exodus mean?  It is a going out ... a departure from.  Exodus is the story of the deliverance of the Hebrew people from the hands of the Egyptian king who felt no obligation to the descendants of Joseph.  The Hebrews had multiplied in the land of Egypt and were considered a threat.  Being bitterly oppressed and forced to toil long and hard in the fields, the people cried out to God for a deliverer.  Enter Moses.  (Now we all remember the movie The Ten Commandments so you know what I'm talking about)

When I finished reading Chapters 1 and 2, I put down my Bible and thought about my own exodus ... my own deliverance(s).  We all have those chains that bind us ... those situations that hurt us to the core ... those addictions ... those tapes ... those memories that haunt.   We become in bondage crying out to be delivered.  Most of the time, we want a quick fix, "Just get me out of this and I will never again ______."  "Just take this burden from me."  Sadly, most of the time, it doesn't work that way ... often times, things get worse before they get better.

I'll tell you a story ... Last night, Beverly showed up at my doorstep, flashlight in hand with a plate of glazed doughnuts.  I set the plate down next to my chair and continued watching TV.  I looked over at the plate of doughnuts and thought, "I'll just taste one ... the one with the maple flavored icing ... one won't hurt."  Oh my gosh, that doughnut tasted so good.  In a few minutes I thought, "I'll taste the other doughnut, the one with the deep red cherry icing" ... that one went down as easy as the first.  To make a long story short, by the time I was ready for bed, I'd eaten four of the six doughnuts and felt sick.  That may sound quite simple but, think about it, isn't that how we get hooked??  Just one bite ... just one beer ... just one cigarette ... just one night of passion ... just one peek ... just one date.  Addictions start quite innocently and soon, we are crying out for a deliverer.  We sink into the muck and mire of life wondering how we got there.  We look at a scale and with tears say, "Why in the world did I eat all those doughnuts?"  We enter relationships thinking they are good and all of a sudden we are in oppression.  We visit the land of milk and honey thinking it is paradise and later open our eyes to a cesspool of sin.  How did we get there?  Over and over we cry out, "Lord, help me."

It's a good thing that Jesus was sent to save sinners 'cause I've kept Him busy.  I am stubborn and have tried to do it "my" way for most of my life.  He's had to reduce me to humbleness before I could see light.  He's prunned me and shaped me placing those I call My Heavenly Sandpaper in my life over and over again.  The other day, I was looking up into the blue sky and blurted out ... "Ok, ok, I get it ... I am crying Uncle!"  Don't you know that He was looking down on me, smiling and thinking, "Finally, finally she gets it!"

What has been my addiction?  I have been addicted to men who were emotionally unavailable.  I had been reliving my childhood over and over hoping for a different outcome.  Now that's stupidity at it's best!  Once, I could stop the insanity, my deliverance began.  What a freeing feeling to realize that as an adult, I did have some say so.  I could really flourish without all the drama of trying to make someone into what they could not be.  I was not a child and didn't have to act like my life depended on someone else.

I want to tell you something though ... with each relationship, with each year, I grew positively.  Labeled a lousy cook, I learned to be a darn good cook!  Labeled unkept and doudy, I learned how to dress looking good in jeans or an evening gown.  Labeled dumb, I read, studied and realized that I had way above average intelligence.  Labeled flabby, I joined a gym, lifted weights and became svelt and toned.  I took the downers and made them my uppers.  The light that had been hidden in oppression was lifted one day at a time.  How does the song, This Little Light of Mine go?  Hide it under a bushel basket?  No!  I'm going to let it shine...  I've been drawn towards truth and light since I was a tiny girl.  As I see it, my stubborness has paid off ... I have wanted to be whole enough to struggle and claw my way towards the light.  Don't want to come with me?  That's ok, I'm still gonna grow and be a healthy, functioning woman of God.  Don't like me?  That's ok, go pick on someone else and leave me alone.  Want to call me a fanatic?  That's okay, just go look at yourself in the mirror when you're cheering for your favorite sports team.  Want to envelope me in your own baggage?  Not ok, work on your own stuff then we can talk.

Gosh, I sound like I am on a terror don't I.  (Laugh)  Maybe I am but only because I am excited.  I like who I am and what I am about.  I accept my imperfections and tell myself that God doesn't make junk.  My fingers whirl over the keyboard announcing my own exodus from darkness into light to anyone who will listen.  Come on, let's sing ... let's laugh ... let's count our blessings ... let's move forward together turning a flop into something worthwhile.  It's easy to praise God once deliverance is over but how about praising him before and during knowing that no matter what, something good is going to explode right in front of you.

Now that I am reved up, I think I will go try rake a couple piles of leaves!

Always remember you are loved and prayed for ... YA YOU!  Absolutely and positively!!