Misery loves company or does it??

Monday, January 16, 2012

Good Morning, Readers!  I am feeling much much better today and am back to my usual activities.  Mom called last night and she was organizing a social event around church today.  She was going down her list of friends (Doris, me, Debbie) and issuing invites.  She was so cute.  This morning I got there about 9:30 and she was waiting with a big smile.  We all attended church then celebrated afterwards with Junior Bacon Cheeseburgers and Frosties from Wendy's.  Ah yes, her gathering was a success and she was content being the Queen Bee!

While I was "under the weather" yesterday, I began to think about miserable people and hoped that I wasn't one of those whose misery brought out the worst in me.  I have a tendency to disappear into the woodwork when I don't feel good not wanting to be a bother to those around me.


Have you spent much time around a perpetually miserable person?  I don't mean the normal misery that all of us feel and face from time to time in life.  I am talking about people who seem bent on being miserable no matter how you try to please them.  That must be where that cliche' misery loves company comes from.

For most of my life, I've been a happy person.  I learned at a very young age to find my own corners of joy and lived in those corners quite contently.  I remember my brother and I going down to the cellar during a storm and wondering how we would fix it up should the house fall down around us.  We weren't scared, we were looking for the silver lining in a dark cloud.


Are you expecting others to make you happy?  Are you blaming others for the roadblocks you may be experiencing?  Do you grumble yet fail to work on your own stuff?  Living or working with a miserable person is draining.  No matter how much you give, it is never enough.  They can't get beyond your one mistake when you've gone the distance so much of the time.  Appreciation, even if it exists at all, is very short lived.  The miserable person is a bottomless pit sucking your time and energy until you have nothing to give.

Ever met someone who hold grudges?  People who forgive are free to move on with life and are not tied up with anger, rage, revenge, or passive aggressive behaviors.  Want to be a life-long victim?  Then, enjoy your misery.  Non-miserable people are able to feel their anger, grieve, forgive and move on with life refusing to sink into the trap of self-pity.  Misery can log in every wrong someone has "done" to them.  Funny thing, they rarely remember what good those same people have "done" to them.


What do I do when I meet a miserable person?  First of all, I ask questions and get more information.  If the miserableness has been chronic, I know in my heart that there's probably nothing I can do to alleviate their pain other than be a good listener.   I not only walk but RUN from angry people.  I've found that they probably would not know how to live and behave WITHOUT being miserable.

How do I survive negativism?  First of all, I recognize that I am a separate human being and just because someone is miserable, I don't have to be.  I don't have to excuse someone else's behavior and allow them to beat me down.  I am just as careful to limit my exposure to miserable people as I am to listening to my own bad tapes.  If I don't, pretty soon, I am worn down and miserable myself.  Know that saying, a bad apple spoils the barrel?  Or, think about this ... is it easier for someone to pull you down or is it easier for you to pull them up?  Stand on a chair and give this a try you'll understand what I am talking about.

When you are around happy, optimistic people, thank them and thank them often.  Get into sync with them ... get on their band wagon. Take good care of yourself physically, mentally and spiritually.  Many times we are not aware of the stress we are under because we are used to it.  It is NOT wrong to take time for exercise, sleep, and spiritual/emotional connections with healthy people.  Find peace with God.  Fill your reserves so that you will have energy to deal with the miserable people around you.


What if you are the miserable person?  I'll be the first person to admit that when I've looked into the mirror, I've seen that person.  I saw her first in Alanon ... I saw her in the women's shelter ... I hated her helplessness.  I hated listening to her when she whined.  I saw her as weak and conquered.  It was then that I began to work a twelve step program.  It was then that I was humbled and needed to start asking people in my life for their forgiveness.  It became apparent to me that while I was keeping a record of those who wronged me, it was me who was wronging others.  I needed to forgive myself then grab my list and begin acknowledging and forgiving others.  The making amends was the toughest part yet, probably the most healing.


To cure me of my complaints in life I needed to take a journey to witness real suffering.  My eyes were opened and I felt so small.  Remember, we are not owed anything.  Our lives, health and most good things have been given to us as gifts.  Let's see what we can do with them rather than wasting time complaining.

Have a great rest of the week and always remember you are loved and prayed for ... YA YOU ... absolutely and positively!!