Letting Go

 

I am a butterfly and must be free ... free to do, free to be, free to carry out my own destiny.  I watched this butterfly a long while before I snapped the photo.  It danced among the flowers in my garden stopping here and there never moving far from where I sat gazing upon this beautiful creature!  I was thinking of trying to catch it but quickly changed my mind ... it needed to be free.  As people, we are like that ... our country was founded on the principle of freedom as new settlers made their way across the ocean to settle in a country that was so new and unchained by bureaucracy.  What a sight it must have been.  My ancestry has been traced back to the Mayflower through my mother's side of the family ... I wonder what they saw and what they felt as they reached this land of ours?  Our founding fathers -- I wonder what they would say about our country now?

Freedom from chains that bind:  In 1979, I joined an Alanon group - first one in MN then one in TX.  They talked about things that were so foreign to me.  Odd things like the alcoholic was our addiction.  I wasn't ready to be completely honest at that time and thought that my involvement with an alcoholic was just a fluke.  I didn't have any problems, it was HIM!  It was a beginning though and I have never forgotten what I learned there.  I worked the steps as best I could but because I didn't know the origin of my pain, it was easier for me to become a leader and teach the steps.  It was that way for many years for me.  It was always easier to lead and focus on others' issues than to work on my own.  It wasn't until 2003 when the walls came tumbling down that I was able to look in the mirror and dig into my heart and soul and claim my freedom.

There was a poem I came across today and I remembered it from the Alanon group.  Today, it has new meaning as I share it with you:

Letting Go

• To let go does not mean to stop caring.  It means I can't do it for someone else.
• To let go is not to cut myself off.  It's the realization that I can't control another.
• To let go is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands.
• To let go is not to try to change or blame another.  It's to make the most of myself.
• To let go is not to care for, but to care about.
• To let go is not to fix, but to be supportive.
• To let go is not to judge but to allow another to be a human being.
• To let go is not to be in the middle, arranging all the outcomes, but to allow others to affect their own destinies.
• To let go is not to deny, but to accept.
• To let go is not to nag, scold, or argue, but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.
• To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires, but to take each day as it comes and cherish myself in it.
• To let go is not to regret the past, but to grow and live for the future.
• To let go is to fear less and love more.

~~Author Unknown

This is exactly what I learned in Childhood Trauma Counseling as well as Alanon!  As a child, I was a victim and had no say ... as an adult, I do not have to be a victim and I do have a say.  My old tapes said, "It's your fault."  My new tapes say, "Think about it, if it's true, own it ... if it's not true, let it go, not everything is your fault."

 

I had so much guilt inside me ... I even apologized to my abusers!  Now that's sick.  It was my part to accept that all my choices weren't going to be good ones and for those I needed to say I was sorry, make amends and move on.  IT WASN'T UP TO ME TO APOLOGIZE FOR BEING A TARGET FOR AN ANGRY SOUL!!  The hurtful part came when my apology wasn't accepted ... then the old tapes REALLY rolled.  It's taken a long while to work on that!

I am in the process of reading THE POWER OF PRAYING FOR YOUR ADULT CHILDREN written by Stormie Omartian.  It is a great book for parents who have children who have left the nest.  To have an adult child is way different than having a small child or teenager.  To be able to step back is tough especially when we see them stumbling.  Yet, it is healthy for them to learn from their mistakes and grow from them.  Me?  I have been the biggest fixer of all ... I couldn't stand to see anyone suffer or hurt.  What I was doing though was taking away someone's ability to get stronger by figuring something out which raises self-esteem.  I had forgotten that in struggling, I was made strong!  Yet ... I have to tell you, where there is a real need, I am still the first person to step up to the plate and help out.

It has always been difficult for me to ask for help.  I am so used to being an independent lady.  Having Fibromyalgia and Degenerative Disk Disease/Osteoarthritis has definitely humbled me.  Instead of being the energizer bunny, I've had to tone it down a bit.  I think my husband is glad of that!  BUT, here's the good news ...  These days, I dance and I sing.  I keep the slate clean with my fellow man and women and sleep peacefully.  I am one of the lucky ones.  I am healing the little girl inside of me and believe me, I take good care of her!!  She growing up these days.  I enjoy life and I am so grateful that the Lord tapped me on the shoulder and claimed me as His. 



Jesus said, "You did not choose me, but I chose you."  John 15:16  Peter described followers of Jesus in this way:  "But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for God's own possession, so that you may proclaim the excellencies of Him who has called you out of darkness into His marvelous light."  1 Peter 2:9

It's getting close to Thanksgiving.  I have so much to be thankful for and believe me, this has been quite a eye-opening year!  We have been invited to my son and daughter in laws for dinner.  For so many years I've been the hostess...it's time to pass the baton and just "relax and enjoy."  Last year's get together was so much fun ... I know it will be this year as well!  It's supposed to be really cold so maybe a log or two on the fire will be welcome!



Have a Joyous Day!



Happy Pre-Thanksgiving all you wonderful people out there.  Remember, you are loved,

YA YOU!!