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| Love is a home where you are safe... |
Let's talk about LOVE...one of my favorite subjects. As a matchmaker for five years, it's hard not to get caught up in the whole love and romance aura of life. God never meant for man to be alone and ever since the Garden of Eden, men and women have sought partners. In my journey to wholeness, love has taken on a whole new meaning and encompasses more than just a relationship between a man and a woman.
First of all, God had to fill the empty hole in my heart. No one else or nothing else could do that. I had to find love in my Lord...heart, mind and soul. That was really the beginning of my journey.
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." ~~1st Corinthians 13:5-7
In trauma therapy I learned than anything opposite of the above verse is NOT love. I had always known that but it was merely in the head not the heart. Writing left handed in my journal opened the pathway to my heart. After God, I had to learn to love myself. This was very difficult for me because I was not ok to the very people I looked to to love me. I learned that love is flawed and to me I was the one that was flawed. As much as I tried, I couldn't be that perfect person.
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| Love is walking a mile in another's shoes before you judge them! |
Love is walking in another person's shoes before you judge them. As bad as I felt about myself, you'd be surprised at how cruelly I was and have been treated. I was a Christian yet my biggest hurts have come from Christians...in trauma counseling, I learned that I was an amazing woman of courage, I was sane, I was ok just who God made me to be. I had to forgive myself and be whole before I could start walking in my abusers' and accusers' shoes. It was difficult for me to know exactly what love was because love must be experienced. For a sexually abused child, love can mean sex with anyone who is (seemingly) kind to you. I had two things going on inside me after high school...first of all, sex before marriage was wrong and secondly, if I did have sex before marriage, I had to marry that person. (My father's continual tape about premarital pregnancy and being a whore were deep seeded.) Sex was not pleasurable for me. It was shame based. I wanted love so badly...the problem was I felt I didn't deserve love thus I played out the tapes.
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| Love is the gift of touching someone you love... |
Every child needs the gift of touch. I hope you can see the photo of my parents on the left. They were genuinely in love with each other. It is sad for me that life got in the way of that love and, from the time I was a baby until adulthood I suffered from that. I never remember my father or mother telling me that they loved me. When I would say "I love you" to my mother, she would simply say, "me too." That would hurt so bad because I wanted her to hold me and tell me that I was precious to her. To say and hear "I love you" are the most treasured words one can gift and be gifted.
In my life, I have had my share of smooth talking suitors. But, now I know that Love is not manipulative. It must never be used to get others to do what you want. When you Love someone you never ask them to sacrifice a part of themselves in the name of Love. This form of manipulation contaminates our Love for another. True Love has a foundation of integrity, respect, faith and trust. Love is the force that brings about unity and harmony. We need that affirmation. My marriages were not free and unconditional...they were mixed with conditions and demands. I allowed that to continue until 2003 when I began trauma counseling.
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| Love is not perfect... |
Love is not perfect. Sam Keen says, "Love is seeing an imperfect person perfectly." I still don't have a kitchen in the little casa. You know, though, whenever I go there, I can walk through the front door and celebrate the fact that every other room has been completed. I'll take a peek in the kitchen and say, "Well, soon you will be as beautiful as the rest of the house." I can choose to think the whole house is ugly or realize that it's a work in progress. People are like that too! I have a choice.
Love is embracing differences and discovering ways in which to build a common lifestyle, share decision-making, and take equal responsibility for the results. The road to self-discovery is paved with Love. It took me a little longer than most to "get it" (as Dr. Phil says) but now I do and I celebrate the people who held my hand and encouraged me to keep on going. Oh, I had friends who walked out when I didn't do what "they thought" I should do but that too is part of life. Some people have been in my life for brief periods of time then others for almost my entire life. That's just the way it is...
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| Love is having a special chair to call your own... |
Love is having a special chair to call your own. (My chair's name is Emma) I've talked about chairs a lot in my blogs. I haven't figured out exactly why that is but when Michael and I sat down and discussed the decor of the little casa, it was important for both of us to pick out our own chairs. Funny how something that could be construed as minor could be such a big deal to both of us. In redoing the little casa, I found that Love involved honoring the wishes and ideas of someone else besides "moi"! I think we all need special places and things we can call our own. When I lived in the shelter for thirty days, the most heart wrenching thing was to see how excited the little children were to have a toy of their own. Not toys but a toy!
Thanksgiving is just around the corner and that too means Love to me. When I was a child, my parents would host Thanksgiving at our home every year. What a glorious time that was when relatives started streaming in the door. Mom always made the turkey and her sisters and brothers and other relatives would each contribute. It was a time of Love for me because my cousins would be there and that meant someone to have fun with. Often times, it was quite cold and we would go bowling. The men would eat too much and would take up all the beds snoring in rhythm and the women would congregate in the kitchen washing dishes and getting ready for round two of eating! Just experiencing the excitement of the day meant good things to me.
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| Every time a bell rings an angel gets it's wings! |
My favorite movie is "It's A Wonderful Life". That movie symbolizes Love to me. I used to get the movie out and have my family watch it with me...now, I mostly watch it by myself. My grandmother's name was Belle, my middle name is Bell, and my granddaughter's middle name is Belle. Every time I think of the line in the movie, "Every time a bell rings, an angel gets it's wings" I get shivers. As a little child my wings were clipped...now, my wings are full and spread wide. I hear many parents call their children angels...Well, now I must do that for myself and be ok. If you hear the bells ringing in the stores at Christmas, it's probably me!!
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| Love is the gift of grandchildren & children! |
Well, we could dissect love and what it is and is not for pages and pages...Maybe I've given you some food for thought! Go find that special someone and tell them that you love them...out loud!
I love you all...Yeah! YOU!
I didn't know the little house's kitchen wasn't finished. The fact that you can find joy in the beauty of the rest of the house amazes me!! Mom, you have definitely crossed into new territory. He!he! maybe there is hope for me :0)
ReplyDeleteYou're correct-Love is so many things. Most of all, it is continuously changing. It is fun to let the mind enjoy snapshots of 'love memories'.
Thank you for sharing what love is to you. Open your ears as I shout, "Mom, I LOVE YOU"!!