Freedom, Restoration, & Wholeness

Good Morning!  I am sitting at my desk looking out at the backyard.  Sadie and Toby are having their morning tussles.  I love to watch them play.  The yard is big and filled with spots where they can chase each other and carry sticks and their toys.  It's going to be a warm day although it is chilly now.  We took a walk -- I'm trying to familiarize myself with the neighborhood.

It is different here than where I live in North Texas.  On our street are huge mansion-like homes then there are the homes that were built at the turn of the century plus the homes like our little casa that were built in the late 30's and 40's.

As my birthday nears, I have been thinking about my life spanning over 64 years.  First came freedom then restoration and finally wholeness.  My son reminded me that I needed to be patient with my fellowman in remembering how long it took me to get to wholeness.  He is right! 

“Because he has set his love upon Me, therefore, I will deliver him…He shall call Me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble; I will deliver him and honor him.  With long life I will satisfy him”.  ~~ Psalm 91:14-16

“God, God, God are you there?  I’m looking for you, God.  My Sunday School teacher says that this is your house so you must be here somewhere.”  As a young child, I looked for God in His house…I played church with a Catholic friend, Judy, and we shouted His name.  We played Stations of the Cross.  Somehow, God did hear me and He has been my protector and provider for all these years.  As I read THE POWER OF PRAYING FOR YOUR ADULT CHILDREN and pray for my adult children, grandchild, and their spouses, my biggest hope is that they too will seek the Lord has their savior.

Without the Lord in our lives, we cannot experience true freedom, restoration and wholeness.  Our Lord accepts us as we are; however, it is important to grow to be more Christ-like in our words, lives, and actions.  When we are in the presence of the Holy Spirit, we are set free from the things that bind us, blind us, hold us back, and keep us from becoming all we can be.

Freedom:  I was bound by the horrible tapes from my childhood.  Those tapes were running and I was bound to “you are no good…you are a whore…you are ugly…you are nothing…who would want you…”  If a man courted me, the tape ran saying “you are good now…someone wants you.”  It didn’t matter if the man was abusive … I knew it was wrong but the tape said that’s what I deserved.  I would have been living with those tapes the rest of my life had I not sought childhood trauma counseling.  The tapes needed to be replaced by “you are worthy” … “you are a daughter of the Lord most high” And, most of all, “you are free from the ties that have bound you.”  Oh my goodness, do you know what it has meant to me to be free?  I can accept or reject words said to me.  Wow!!!  I am okay…I am a daughter of the King.  What more could I ask for??

Restored:  When I was born, God had a plan for me.  Even all the abuse was part of a plan to refine and restore me.  Am I saying that the abuse was okay?  No, not at all - what I am saying is that I made it through the storm by staying in the eye where it is calm.  I am alive to share my story so that it can encourage others.  I can recognize men and women who have been abused.  We share common traits.  It does no good to point it out to them … I can only speak truth about myself and pray that they recognize their own truth.  I am always open to listen and to build up just as the Lord and others did for me.  God reaches out, it’s up to us whether or not we grab His hand and hold on!  I have been restored to wholeness!

Wholeness:  What is wholeness?  It is being complete…in one piece.  Life doesn’t work when something is broken.  Before my trauma counseling, I was fragments of different personalities – no, I did not have multiple personality disorder.  My heart was always the same but I was a chameleon ever changing to suit the authority figures in my life.  I was in survival mode – constantly…  I was like a child doing what I needed to do to be safe.  I had periods of peace in my life -- those periods came when I was without a partner.  I wanted love so badly and I wished for someone who would hold me and comfort me.  I missed that as a child and as an adult I sought it out.  Sex meant love – a way of getting love.  As a child who was sexually abused that is a normal thing to do.  My Christian upbringing told me that sex outside of marriage was wrong so I married thinking that I would be loved.  It’s very complicated thinking and my behavior was quite complicated as well.  I kept living my childhood over and over hoping that in some way I would find love to complete me.  When, I FINALLY realized that it was God that I needed to complete me, I headed towards wholeness.  Today, I am whole and it feels so good!!!

If you haven’t guessed by now, I am a prayer warrior!  I stand in the gap for those in need.  In my 40 Days of Prayer (I hope my book has arrived at our other home) I will be praying for others and allowing God to meet my needs.  My family is always at the forefront of my 40 Days … I pray specifically when there is a specific need.  As Stormie Omartian says, “The challenging part is that the Holy Spirit will not do what someone resists Him doing.  He will not force His liberation upon us.  He will not set us free if we don’t want to be.”  So why pray?  I pray because I am led by the Holy Spirit.  My husband tells me that he doesn’t understand how I know who to pray for and for what but he’s seen the results and is in awe.  It’s a gift – a gift I am so grateful for.

So, where am I now?  All the pieces have come together…the rest?  Maybe there will be more that I remember from the blanks in my childhood and adulthood.  Pain meant zoning out and now I stay in the present.  I am me … I am a work in progress and will be until the day I die!

To my blog friends:  I pray that life is treating you well and that you are enjoying the days of December.  Christmas will be here before we know it!

I am dreaming of a fire in the chiminea & making some smores!

You are loved … YA YOU!!!