A TX Winter Wednesday

Hamilton Elf & I enjoying the Winter Garden

Hamilton Elf and I wish you a Merry Christmas countdown day! 

Would you believe that it is supposed to hit 80 degrees here today?  After our walk to assess the garden, I decided that a trip to Lowe's would be in order to replace some of the last Summer flowers that have suffered from the frost.  To breathe in the fresh air is so invigorating and gives me new life.  It will be cold again in the next day or so ... that's Texas weather for you!

December 15, 2010:  I am ankle deep in my Give Me 40 days that began with a 24 hour fast.  Several people have asked me why I do the fast...  Stormie Omartian says it best ... "The purpose of my fast is to loose the bonds of wickedness, to undo the heavy burdens, to let the oppressed go free" and to "break every yoke."  When I get hungry, I pray and feast on the word of God.

So far, my challenge is that as I begin to pray for others, I cry out in pain for my own hurts.  It is difficult to lay my own baggage at the feet of my Lord.  I want what I want first.  I am aware and as I confess my own selfishness, I am able to move on without guilt.  That's progress and I am definitely a work in progress.

One of my favorite books of the Bible is James and today I read James 1-5 - in fact, I read it through twice because there was so much meat in it.  Some blogs ago, I wrote that I had attended a church and the people were jumping up and down while they were singing ... "faith, faith, faith can move a mountain".  Well, the book of James is about faith.  Faith is daring to do something regardless of the consequence ... doing that right thing ... that thing that God asks of me to do.  Have you ever known what is right to do and then, being afraid of the ramifications, kept quiet?  Goodness gracious ... I was the "Queen of Peacekeeping" ... the "Princess of Sweeping Hurt Under the Rug"...  Now, my struggle is whether I am speaking out of my own hurt or on behalf of the Lord of my life.

"Remember, too, that knowing what is right to do and then not doing it is sin."~~James 4:17



Christmas of Old

Christmas and the Tears of the Hurt:  As I was meditating this morning, I remembered something that I had put in the closet of my mind.  It was Christmas Eve and I was very small.  I walked up the stairs to find my mother and father and could hear my father crying.  I stopped almost to the top of the stairs so that I could hear but they couldn't see me.  My father was not only crying, he was sobbing ... my  mother was standing beside him as he sat on the edge of the bed with her hands on his shoulder.  "Why didn't they invite us?"  "Christmas is about family."  I heard my mother respond with ... "I talked with Alida and she said they didn't invite us because we have been spending Christmas Eve with my family."  My father responded with, "I know, but it hurts not to be included and invited."  I sadly turned and walked downstairs.  It was the only time I ever heard my father cry.    Knowing my father's family, I am sure that they didn't mean to hurt my father but it happened ... not only did it happen but it brought a grown man to sobs of sorrow.  His family meant so much to him and he was always there for them ... an oversight?  I wonder what the rest of the story was...

Christmas ... A time of joyous celebration at the birth of our Savior.  A time to gather with family and friends to share love and celebrate that camaraderie.  It is also a time when suicides, domestic violence, and lapses in addictions occur.  Why is that?  Personally, for so many years, I numbed myself to the pain of life and allowed my person to function without true feeling.  I was always the happy one. I lived as I lived as a child ... survival...  Today, on Facebook, one of my friends related a story about her rescued Cairn Terrier.  The little dog so sweet and soft, has had trouble trusting them enough to hold her.  She will wag her tail but keeps her distance.  Abuse whether its to an animal or a person is like that.  I am like that ... I will smile and come close hoping that the rejection suffered as a child and adult won't happen again.  I am better and I am more aware of my own frailties.  When my fellowman knows of my history and is deliberately cruel, I realize that it has nothing to do with me.

So...how do I handle Christmas?  I love decorating my home from front door to back with everything I love about Christmas!!  I attend church and sing carols of old.  I select a family that needs holiday cheer and give them some of mine.  (this year I selected my daughter and her family and gave them a Christmas Evening before Christmas)  I think about my legacy and what I want my children and grandchildren to remember about me.  I am an adult and I can be as kind to myself as I am to others.  I am fortunate that Michael shares my path to wellness and love of family ... believe me, it wasn't without some tough work on his part as well as mine!!  I can choose what my focus is on... Can I change someone else?  No, the Holy Spirit has that job.  Can I accept the fact that life can be quite hurtful?  Yes...  Are things in my life the way I wish they were?  No ... I am realizing that I don't have to give up me ... I did that for way too many years!  My Christmas's of the past have given way to a new Christmas ... a Christmas filled with love, laughter and friendship.  Something happened yesterday evening that I wish I could share totally with you, my readers.  It was a phone call that took me by surprise ... I was in awe at the love being shared across the lines ... a phone call that exhibited all of the true meaning of Christmas.  It was at that moment that I knew that God had heard my prayers!  I am grateful!!

Some years ago, my daughter sent me the doll in the photo.  I wish you could see more of the doll's detail.  I never put her away because she is a reminder of the relationship that I have with my child.  We both love everything about her ... the leopard fur-collared jacket ... the crazy hat with a pheasant feather ... the boots ... and most of all we love her jewelry ... a necklace that says, "you can do it" and another that says, "go girl."  She sits on my dresser beside my bed so I see her when I wake up and when I go to bed.  It is that message I leave with you today... YOU CAN DO IT and GO GIRL (or guy as you wish).
 
Tis the season to be jolly ... fa la la la la la la la la!  My days go by way too quickly ... my body needs the extra rest; however, I would rather be out and about spreading some ho ho ho's!!  Speaking of ho ho ho's, it's time for me to hit the nursery and get my pansies planted before the sun goes down.  It's been a great day!



Have a wonderful day whether you are shoveling snow or enjoying the gift of a warm Winter's day in Texas!  Always remember you are loved and prayed for ... YA YOU!!