Burning the midnight oil tonight. Come on in ... we'll pretend it's New Year's Eve and welcome the new day!! I think I have become a night person and my husband has become a morning person. For years, it was the opposite. I guess it's really whatever you get used to!
To continue in my quest to educate during Domestic Violence Awareness Month, I wanted to talk a little bit about safe people. One of the therapists, I saw gave me a handout from the book and tapes of Dr's Henry Cloud and John Townsend. I read and reread the book several times and have recommended it to countless others. Abused men and women need so much help in finding relationships that are healthy and avoiding those that are not. Here we go:
UNSAFE PEOPLE
1. Think they have it all together instead of admitting their weaknesses.
2. Are defensive instead of open to feedback.
3. Are self-righteous instead of humble.
4. Only apologize instead of changing their behavior.
5. Avoid working on their problems instead of dealing with them.
6. Demand trust, instead of earning it.
7. Believe they are perfect instead of admitting their faults.
8. Blame others instead of taking responsibility.
9. Will lie instead of being honest.
10. Are stagnant instead of growing.
11. Avoid closeness instead of connecting.
12. Are only concerned about "I" instead of "we" (not relationship centered)
13. Resist freedom instead of encouraging it.
14. Condemn us instead of forgiving us.
15. Stay in parent/child roles instead of relating as equals.
16. Are unstable over time instead of being consistent.
17. Are a negative influence on us, rather than a positive one.
18. Gossip instead of keeping our confidences.
SAFE PEOPLE
1. Value love - connection - have the ability to trust.
2. Value responsibility (take responsibility for themselves and value that in others) Neither overly dependent on others nor codependent - feeling responsible for others
3. Value honesty - ability to be known - transparent - who they really are.
4. Working on their own issues
5. Respond to truth
6. Have a good track record (may fail, but learn from failure and move on, are in progress of making a good track record even if this is a new beginning for them)
7. Can be observed and tested - see them in interactions with other people (test them with a small part of yourself, share a part of your heart and see what happens)
8. Bear good fruit in your life by being with them (encourage you to grow individually and in your connection with other people)
Thoughts? Any safe people in your lives? Any unsafe people in your lives? Anyway, good stuff to think about. I've been an unsafe person and am now a safe person ... Believe me, I'm not going backwards!!
Take gentle care of yourself and those you love. Reach outward and upward being the man or woman God created you to be. God is love ... should we be anything else??
Always remember you are loved and prayed for ... YA YOU!!
Miss Dottie
PS Want to know a safe person to go to when you have no one else? Give Jesus a try. He won't let you down!
1. Think they have it all together instead of admitting their weaknesses.
2. Are defensive instead of open to feedback.
3. Are self-righteous instead of humble.
4. Only apologize instead of changing their behavior.
5. Avoid working on their problems instead of dealing with them.
6. Demand trust, instead of earning it.
7. Believe they are perfect instead of admitting their faults.
8. Blame others instead of taking responsibility.
9. Will lie instead of being honest.
10. Are stagnant instead of growing.
11. Avoid closeness instead of connecting.
12. Are only concerned about "I" instead of "we" (not relationship centered)
13. Resist freedom instead of encouraging it.
14. Condemn us instead of forgiving us.
15. Stay in parent/child roles instead of relating as equals.
16. Are unstable over time instead of being consistent.
17. Are a negative influence on us, rather than a positive one.
18. Gossip instead of keeping our confidences.
1. Value love - connection - have the ability to trust.
2. Value responsibility (take responsibility for themselves and value that in others) Neither overly dependent on others nor codependent - feeling responsible for others
3. Value honesty - ability to be known - transparent - who they really are.
4. Working on their own issues
5. Respond to truth
6. Have a good track record (may fail, but learn from failure and move on, are in progress of making a good track record even if this is a new beginning for them)
7. Can be observed and tested - see them in interactions with other people (test them with a small part of yourself, share a part of your heart and see what happens)
8. Bear good fruit in your life by being with them (encourage you to grow individually and in your connection with other people)
Thoughts? Any safe people in your lives? Any unsafe people in your lives? Anyway, good stuff to think about. I've been an unsafe person and am now a safe person ... Believe me, I'm not going backwards!!
Take gentle care of yourself and those you love. Reach outward and upward being the man or woman God created you to be. God is love ... should we be anything else??
Always remember you are loved and prayed for ... YA YOU!!
Miss Dottie
PS Want to know a safe person to go to when you have no one else? Give Jesus a try. He won't let you down!
Thank the Lord above me that I am now married to a "safe person". Although we butt heads from time to time we both value our relationship and trudge forward. I know what it is like to be with an unsafe person and never want to visit that 'neighborhood' again!
ReplyDeleteLove ya~
Jane